I Don't Think My Life Has Ever Been This Hard.

[Jen93]

And I'm angry because he WAS my best friend for three years before that, and he said he'd never hurt me and lied and I feel betrayed. At the moment I think that all men are scum but my dad and brother (no offense meant to any males here.) and I just feel so dirty; so I shower or I don't shower because then I hurt or I smell that disgusting smell that makes me want to puke. And he took something that didn't belong to him and I feel absolutely worthless and unlovable and stupid for thinking I could be loveable.

 

[anthony]

At the moment I think that all men are scum but my dad and brother

So ALL men are not scum?

You're using a lot of negative thinking styles right now, which only exacerbate symptoms. You must think rational and logically, honestly, otherwise you create symptom severity for yourself.

And he took something that didn't belong to him and I feel absolutely worthless and unlovable and stupid for thinking I could be loveable.

I haven't read your history here, so what did he take from you? And how does that equate to you being unlovable and stupid?

 

[Jen93]

He took what I was saving for marriage. He lied and said it was fun. I wanted to not have sexual contact until marriage. Now I can't even get my legs waxed without flashes.

Nobody liked me before then, and now nobody's going to like me now.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

jen, i am sorry this happened to you and that you have this ugly aftermath to wade through. I am so glad you broke up with him. Go easy on yourself and live and learn.

 

[Milo's papa]

@Jen93, I'm do sorry this has happened to you. No no deserves to be lied to or deceived.

As far as nobody liking you, dont give him the power to take that from you. You had the courage to walk away from him, now Please have the strength and courage to make the of best life. That's how you take all the power away from Abusers. When you make that life for yourself, you WIN!

 

[anthony]

He took what I was saving for marriage. He lied and said it was fun. I wanted to not have sexual contact until marriage.

So he raped you, is what you're saying? You did not consent to sex with him at the time?

Nobody liked me before then

So you had no friends before meeting this man? Just him in your life, nobody else?

 

[Heather]

now Please have the strength and courage to make the of best life. That's how you take all the power away from Abusers. When you make that life for yourself, you WIN!

I love this....I think this should be made into a banner that all survivors of sexual assault have on their bedroom wall. You are very wise Milo's papa.

 

[Jen93]

We never had sex... He called it "fooling around" but I was scared it would turn into sex; so I tried to tell him no when he wanted to fool around when it got what I felt to be too frequent, and he ignored me and/or coerced me.

 

[Jen93]

So you had no friends before meeting this man? Just him in your life, nobody else?

Pretty pathetic, I know.

 

[anthony]

Pretty pathetic, I know.

It was a question, not a statement.

 

[EveHarrington]

I understand the coercion part all too well. I'm dealing with the end of my own bad situation. For me it's hard to not blame myself because in the end I submitted, but I make myself remember that his coercion was wrong, I didn't really want to do those things. Stay strong and hold your head high! There are good guys out there who won't coerce you into sexual acts.

 

[anthony]

he ignored me and/or coerced me

Ok... no means no, that is simple. So you were not raped, but sexually assaulted. Is that right?

I'm a little unsure about the coerced aspect. Can you please explain?