I'd say f*ck you to him in addition to the trauma in this case. Tell him you're no cactus expert but you know a prick when you see one, and he can surely take his and move along.
I used to seem to pick the guys that were emotionally unavailable and only showed up for the sex, too. They just didn't ever speak it as bluntly as this dude did. They were a bit more silent in their seductive techniques, I suppose. But then again, so was I, as I knew it, felt it, and still played along, too. There was one or two every now and again that I secretly would hope they'd eventually fall for me, and would invest massive amounts of energies and efforts into trying to win them over, but it never happened.
It felt safe to me at first, ironically, in knowing they wouldn't want to spend but so much time with me...was mostly always fun in many ways as we'd often embark on some crazy adventure rather than just chilling, so I had a little something to look forward to once in a while that I didn't have to plan and do by myself, again...I knew for sure I'd feel wanted and deeply desired, if only for a little while, at least once in a while...but there was always a big part of me that got left out in the cold, never felt a true meaningful connection, never felt heard, understood, or deeply cared about. I was just a super convenient distraction for them and means to someone else's end, rarely my own. Most of those times were spent under the influence of a shitload of alcohol and/or other mind altering substances, too. Trying like hell to escape reality around every turn, I was.
Much like I'd felt most of my life, it seemed. It was all I knew. I wasn't comfortable allowing anything else into my space that wanted to get too close to me, as I was sure I'd somehow scare them away or disgust them, too, or they'd end up hurting me like all the others had. Then I met a vet who was 20+ years my senior and he swept me off my feet big time, treated me like a queen, treated my family so kindly, I met and loved all of his friends and family and felt like I fit right in, finally, and he proposed, even asked my mom for my hand in marriage, said and did all the right things to make me feel like I was truly loved and adored. But, he cheated 6 months into the marriage and became rather abusive in multiple ways, so I divorced him in the 9th month and pretty much swore off relationships and decided to become the lone ranger. I'd finally had enough of their shit, and my own.
A few years later, I crossed paths with my hubby by him randomly messaging me online back in the yahoo messenger days, discussing local music likes and such, decided to meet at a favorite local band's gig, immediately hit it off as friends, started dating, and have been together now for 15 years, married 10 of those.
I know it sounds incredibly cliche', but I really did find what I'd been looking for, and what truly enriches my life, once I quit looking and spent several years spending more time with myself. I also learned I had never even healthily loved myself yet, so it was no wonder I was still fumbling around with trying to love others. The blind leading the blind, so to speak. I continue to stumble over my own two feet in my efforts, even with a loving, kind, and patient partner.
Best wishes in clearing out the space inhabited by that asshole to make room for a kinder gentler soul to get to know, along with self. Never settle for less. We deserve to treat ourselves better than the assholes who robbed us of our self-worth did.
