HëllaBubz
Diamond Member
You know PTSD can be such a BASTARD sometimes.
There is NOTHING worse than wanting to be able to get your heart rate up, go jogging again, start boxing again and have a really satisfying workout.
But not being able to because anything more than a power walk makes my body interpret it as though I'm being raped and beaten up again, and I'll spend a few weeks with anxiety so bad that I want to vomit and nightmares that make me wake up with my body acting as though it's been violated again.
Imagine trying to breastfeed, cuddle and nurture your child after you've just been raped.
Or that the closest person in the world has run off with your child and taken her to people that do their best to trigger you because it's funny and they don't care.
And that you can help feeling this way, or you want to feel this way.
That's what it's like for me everytime I get triggered.
Still, I'm down 43kg, I'm 7-8kg lighter than pre pregnancy, so I guess today I'm grateful for the fact that I can actually get out of bed and go for a walk.
Still, I hate this illness. But you asshole, it doesn't matter what other people say, I'm gorgeous, I'm tough, my child is nurtured, loved and taught everything i can give her, I'm f*cking smart and I'm going to make this and all the petty bitches out there MY bitch.
Cos that's what I do.
There is NOTHING worse than wanting to be able to get your heart rate up, go jogging again, start boxing again and have a really satisfying workout.
But not being able to because anything more than a power walk makes my body interpret it as though I'm being raped and beaten up again, and I'll spend a few weeks with anxiety so bad that I want to vomit and nightmares that make me wake up with my body acting as though it's been violated again.
Imagine trying to breastfeed, cuddle and nurture your child after you've just been raped.
Or that the closest person in the world has run off with your child and taken her to people that do their best to trigger you because it's funny and they don't care.
And that you can help feeling this way, or you want to feel this way.
That's what it's like for me everytime I get triggered.
Still, I'm down 43kg, I'm 7-8kg lighter than pre pregnancy, so I guess today I'm grateful for the fact that I can actually get out of bed and go for a walk.
Still, I hate this illness. But you asshole, it doesn't matter what other people say, I'm gorgeous, I'm tough, my child is nurtured, loved and taught everything i can give her, I'm f*cking smart and I'm going to make this and all the petty bitches out there MY bitch.
Cos that's what I do.
