Relationship I Feel Like He Just Dgaf About Me.

[Sighs]

Initially I agreed that if he took his time and worked with the horse trust could be established. But based on what I've seen of this horse his behaviour is pre-meditated. (ie: he only bucks near fences, trees etc., he only spins on uneven ground, he only kicks out at the leading horse when outward bound not homeward bound, he only pigroots near an open gate he can throw the rider into...) Fact is - he doesn't WANT to be worked - either as a riding horse or a pack horse. He may have his reasons. As I said, he has some strange scars that speak to me of abuse. At some point - and for me its right about now - you say the risk of injury is not worth it - there are plenty of other horses out there.

 

[Sighs]

I guess for me it's more about the fact that he clearly doesn't factor me into his thinking. There is no "oh maybe I shouldn't do this because if I get hurt or killed that will impact on my partner". I guess if he was an infantry soldier when he had a wife and three small children he's not going to worry about that sort of thing now.

 

[Ronin]

There is no "oh maybe I shouldn't do this because if I get hurt or killed that will impact on my partner".

And what about him finding that out, for himself?
I mean with people that Just Don't Get It, usually had better results posing it as a thinking exercise. Okay Mr. Do it all, tell me how this or that action affects me with you hurt / gone. Think on it a bit.

Instead of laying it out as the needed care that he's not seeing, making it about his effort, and making him put the effort into caring.

 

[Purplemunchkin]

:hug: Sighs, you're really going through it at the moment.

Is there any way you could stay with a friend for a couple of nights, just to get some space? I know a hotel isn't an option, and your family live too far away.

I think some times when you're in the middle of a situation it can be too hard to see out, unless you can find a way to get out and look from another perspective.

He's basically said that he can look after himself, and if he can choose a horse over you, why can't you choose you over him especially on a short-term basis? You just need to explain it to him (if you can get him to stay still long enough).

 

[Sighs]

Update:

When I got home from work last night we worked the horse together in the round yard. Free lunged on the ground in various tack set ups. Sent both of us scrambling up over the yard to safety a few times. One item of tack caused massive pigroots. Another caused the spinning. Both together produced the rodeo bronc behaviour that resulted in the broken bones. But cleanskin he worked pretty well. And one particular saddle seemed to suit him too. We went to bed feeling like we'd had a breakthrough with him.

This morning, my vet got up really early and left the house. When I got up to go to work he was just coming in the door. Said he'd been out riding the horse and "he didn't get through". At which point he teared up and said "I feel so bad about it because I know what its like to be thrown out the back like garbage." (Reading too much of himself into this damn horse!)

He just called me. He's been out on the horse again. And again had to make a decision to bail because the horse threw himself down on the ground.

On the up side the people who we got the horse from have offered to take him back and return him to the wild mob he ran with for the last three years. So he won't have to be destroyed. Now to get him over there before my vet REALLY injures himself trying to "save" a horse that doesn't need saving.

 

[Friday]

Now that's what I call a good outcome. Solid.