I Feel Like I Died That Day.

[macbeth]

I know that one of the defining factors for having PTSD is the threat of death or severe injury or the perception of. The day that happened to me was a normal (normal in my house) autumn day. It started out normally but things took a rapid turn for the worse. And then it happened. The end of my life came.(or so I thought) But I survived. Physically survived. But sometimes I feel like a part of me did die that day. The happy go lucky me died that day. Also my life feels like it is split in two. Before that day and after that day. Does anyone understand where I' m coming from?

 

[macbeth]

Btw. Sorry if my typings a little all over the place. It s 11:24 pm where i am and night meds are kicking in.

 

[Rizen]

I didn't have a specific trauma like that but life does feel different with PTSD. The only times I can remember not having or developing Complex PTSD were when I was very young so for a long time I thought everyone felt like me when they grew up, which wasn't true. PTSD changes who a person thinks and feels.

 

[Notsowild]

@macbeth... Oh yes I can understand. I had a near fatal car accident last July and I thought I died that day. I could sense a semi truck crashing into us. But I survived. The body survived better than my brain though. Wow all the new symptoms were crazy. Flashbacks, nightmares, insomnia etc. I am also csa survivor so I was never fully "normal" before. It's scary all the things that happen to your brain. Are you in any trauma therapy?

 

[Deleted member 12723]

When I first started therapy and my therapist wanted me to do inner child work, my inner child was dead. I have not been the same since then.

I am now in a much better place but I started therapy in 1985 and have been working through things for a long, long time.

I wish you well on your journey to healing and recovery. Hugs.

 

[macbeth]

The body survived better than my brain though.

Yes @Notsowild I am in therapy, have been for a few years on and off. I sometimes feel a sense of loss towards my old self and who I am now. One of my biggest problems now is hyper vigilance where as before I was quite an easy going laid back person.

 

[Notsowild]

Mine now are exaggerated startle reflex and hypervigilance . My psychiatrist put me on clonazapam. It seems to be working good. Make sure you have a trauma therapist too.

 

[Bravo06]

I feel like I am looking from the outside in sometimes. Its almost like you really do have two different lives going on. I have the one that does not want to be consumed by all the anxiety and depression and the other that just wants to sleep and not have to try deal with this stuff.

Its not easy. If it was no one would have PTS issues.

I wish you nothing but joy and peace my friend.

 

[Ti Vu]

I can relate 100%. Part of me died that night. I don't feel whole anymore. And I want to go back so bad. I would do anything. As my psychologists remind me (rather casually), I will never be the same person again. Alternating between pretty okay days and some anxiety, sadness, and numbness-filled days are me now. And I'm still trying to come to terms with that.

 

[seedling]

I can relate to your feelings about your experience.

The suddenness of it. It's the sudden unexpected shock of it.

The dividing line in my life. Before it, after it; that's how I timeline events now. I'm not sure if my life will ever regain a sense of being an undivided flow of events.

The loss of innocence. I didn't know I had so much left to lose. More painful - my children's loss of innocence. Seeing them change.

It was my son who almost died then, I saw him go and was ready to go with him. He decided to stay.

I remember that we were all happy before it happened. We are (finally) each regaining happiness in new ways. I don't always wish to go back now because there are new and totally unexpected things coming into my life now. I've worked hard to get where I'm at, I'm curious to see where this will lead. There's enough light coming in to give me hope.

I will never be the same - that used to fill me with dread and fear (really, why do they tell us that when we're low?). If I can't be the same will I always be in such a state?! Now I'm feeling like I'm becoming who I really am/was but didn't know it. It can feel OK to not be the same because what I am now is good too. Hard won, but good.

 

[RussH]

I feel like a part of me did die that day. The happy go lucky me died that day. Also my life feels like it is split in two. Before that day and after that day. Does anyone understand where I' m coming from?

I 100% agree. I have always felt that a part of me died the day I broke. I still feel that way.

 

[macbeth]

Me too.