I Feel Like I'm Bringing Everyone Down With Me

[Mim28]

I feel guilty. I feel like I am bringing everyone down with me into my private hell. I wish I could just say, it's all good. Go on. I wish I could just figure this out and not have to worry people so much.
I want to feel good again.
Does anyone else ever feel guilty for the pain their PTSD has on their family and friends?
I feel like a fool.

 

[Silver.]

Sometimes we just aren't at our best, no matter how hard we try, we just can't be the "other us". The one that is happy, funny, engaging, listening, etc. And it really sucks, because there is guilt with it. When I have days I don't want to get out of bed? I feel so insanely guilty, like I am robbing mini of time that we could be spending together. But I have learned to work with the rough times rather than against them. I invite her in my room and we watch movies together, talk, and even sometimes play games.
Easier said than done, but try not to feel so badly about going through this, just see if you can't brainstorm some ways to work with it, instead of fighting it, or letting it take over, so you can pull out of this :hug:

 

[Mim28]

Thank you Silver. I tried to exercise some good self care today, so it improved things slightly. Your suggestions are good and I appreciate them.

 

[Glo809]

I feel guilty. I feel like I am bringing everyone down with me into my private hell. I wish I could just...

Greetings

I am not far behind you, I have realized that this is not just a thing.

And my attempt to deal with it is, laughable, the little bastards that were unleashed from my past have now clawed into my current life...

Self help, is no longer an option...... unless I want to destroy all those who know me.

Medication is now on the table.....

I suck!!!!

G

 

[Mim28]

Hi Glo809,
It's hard. You are right... It's not just a thing. I've suddenly got my family trying to "fast-track" me through all sorts of appointments which is just raising my anxiety. I know that they are concerned and this is wearing them out. I am trying to do one.. two.. more things each day. Anything. But their added pressure is making it worse.
This feels like hell. I don't want to be here and I don't want anyone else here with me.

 

[The Albatross]

I actually hit a bit of a turning point when I understood how I was bringing people down with me. It was where I understood the effect my behavior/habits were wearing down the people around me and if I wanted to stay in relationship I had to endeavor to do something entirely different.

 

[Glo809]

Fast track?, because 'sombody' knows?, has it's own pitfalls.

My starting point was when I was about 6 years old, my crisis point that unleashed the demons securely locked up in my mind was about 6 months ago.

My life now, is new to me.... every day a venture that I don't want to take, but have no option of getting off the ride...

You have to call the shots, it won't be easy, know where you can find help when you need it.

G

 

[GrayOwl]

Hi Mim,
I am only offering insight into what helps me sometimes....
You need to build a block wall off to one side. A virtual, solid, concrete block wall. You need to mentally put all those negative thoughts on the other side. Behind the wall. They might try to ooze through the cracks or over and under the wall and come back. Catch them when they do. Tell them you don't want them and put them back on the other side of the wall and visualize putting mortar and blocks all around the area they came through. Occupy your mind with blocking them and you'll realize after a while you're thinking of other things. But the negatives get tossed back over the wall. It's kind of like counting sheep to go to sleep. The more you concentrate on it, the better it works. I put an image of a sign "Negative Thoughts Not Allowed" on the other side of the wall and other little entertaining things to try to keep them out.
You have such a busy mind. Mine was the same for so many many years. I couldn't comprehend slowing it down. It's like a freight train, it slows down slowly, changes track slowly. But through conscious mental effort I have slowed it down and changed the track to very positive. It still changes track sometimes. I PM'd a friend here the other day and got some great help - we all need it sometimes - I really detoured unexpectedly into a black hole - thank God for friends and this site!
I like what Silver suggested, and others. Please, try to accept things are ok. You are a special part of peoples' lives. And here too. I see you bringing people UP on chat and elsewhere here. I'm glad you're here and so glad you're posting. Thanks.
I hope you feel better soon. Got any popcorn or ice cream to share with the family??
ttyl8r.

 

[Mim28]

Thank you GrayOwl. That is such a wonderful and useful suggestion. You gave me chills when you said I have such a busy mind. It's like you really know me.
Thank you for the compliment as well. The real me tries to be positive and lift people up. It brings me joy. I try to help where I can. You give me a lot to think about (in a good way) while I try to recover mental and physically.
I may try to draw that wall. I used to be a pretty good drawer when I was younger. that seems to have slipped away, but maybe I can bring my Positivity Wall into reality.
You all offer me help on a daily basis and I've never needed it as much as I do now. You have all truly been blessings in my life. I didn't find this place by accident. It was one of the things I truly needed and I'm so thankful for you all.
Hugs and love,
Mim

 

[EveHarrington]

Yes, I feel quite guilty.

:(

:hug:

It has been getting better over time though.

 

[Mim28]

thanks Eve, you give me hope.

 

[Deleted member 34328]

Yes, I feel quite guilty.

:(

:hug:

It has been getting better over time though.

I've noticed a few things in your posts Eve, but 1 thing that really stands out to me is your honesty. You don't beat around the bush but tell it like it is.

I like that about you. It's a good thing when someone can be real (good or bad) and add a helpful loaded sentence. You're a person of few words, but worth listening to.