I Feel Stuck, Help?

[EveHarrington]

Remember, it's a marathon, not a sprint!

We've gotta conserve energy along the way and take time to rest/fuel up.

You can do this!

Maybe now is a good time to practice the "pause".....be able to take time out while reminding yourself that a break is indeed very healthy and in fact required if you want to continue running this marathon.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Thanks @joeylittle! Bookmarked. Maybe a good place to go in DBT and gove the book a rest for a bit cause the frustration of not even being able to go near the book and not having an idea as to why is rather overwhlelming.

Maybe now is a good time to practice the "pause".....be able to take time out while reminding yourself that a break is indeed very healthy and in fact required if you want to continue running this marathon.

Maybe. I always took "pauses" by just replying to threads but maybe the emotional energy is just gone at the moment.

Im not gonna take the seriquiol tonight as i have to go to the pain dr early, then my therapist, then walmart...then when i get home i think i'll take it.

Beware, I have not a clue what this med is gonna do to me.

 

[Sideways]

Using Seroquel for the first time?? Eek! Remember not to drink any water after midnight, you may turn into a gremlin:roflmao:

Haha, made myself laugh! You'll be right. Hopefully you find it helps, even just a little:)

 

[lostforgottensoul]

@Ragdoll Circus, you're too funny...i wanna turn into Gizmo! He's my fav! I even have a Gizmo shirt lol. :p

Its just the IR was super insane shit and it was the lowest mg too and though its XR, i dont wanna be all :wacky: and post lol.

Nah, im sure if i take it at night in the day i'll be fine but she prescribed me two a day in case i need one in the day for anxiety so im gonna try one day in the day and see what it does. I'll probably just fall asleep for a few hrs.

Good god im gonna love these 9 days off of work though! I leave PTO for medical stuff and when i get sick, i never ever take a vacay. I should but alas.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Ok, I think I got it.

First, I took my first seriquiol XR at 5:30pm...a bit early but my anxiety was making me want to tear someone's head off and I didnt want to take a xanax too, not yet. She didnt day to not mix them, im just not wanting to mix meds til I know what that meds is gonna do.

My therapist does think that my body is saying "enough, lets rest" but he also asked me when it started. Well the decline on the other site started a few weeks ago but was pretty active here until a few days ago and thats when the feeling of both "why bother" and "i wanna stuff everything back down and pretend it didnt happen" and that last one comes when im hitting up against something so he asked what happened a few days ago...and it clicked. My dad going to the VA and pretending to have PTSD to try for 100% disabilty.

My dad is complicated, he missed a million red flags and said no to his 9 yr old and then 12 yr old daughter begging to be taken with him. That in of itself is anger and resentment...but throw in complete and utter invaildation that anything took place, he says "I wasnt there so i dont know its true","just get over it","push it away and move on" daily along with asking me to call my mom. He also is horrid at supporting me in any mental way at all. He refuses to touch the PTSD sourcebook i have which helps the sufferer and the supporter.

But, he's almost 75, he has no other place to go, guilt trips me (actually if he ends up getting 100% disabilty he will have more money and wont have Dr & med bills to pay for my step mom so they can move along) but ive asked them to move, several times and its always "well i guess we will have to find some hotel somewhere" and just guilt trips me into staying.

If he does leave, i will need to cut off my cable, possibly my internet or work a shit load of overtime when available. But i can and will do it.

They moved in for a physical presense, i had a bad huffing habit...but its been 2 yrs now, im good...different needs now as my therapist said. So he does want me to some how get them out...eventually.

But until then, i have homework this week. After the first few days, the seriquiol wont make me as tired. I have to go somewhere, anywhere they arent in this week off of work...take my dog to a dog park (he needs to exersice anyway, a movie theater, another park down the street. Somewhere that my dad and step mom arent and other people are...exposure therapy! :bag: But he did say in the week and in mid day people will be at work and not very many people will be there but still....people....:nailbiting::bag::nailbiting::nailbiting::bag:

 

[ghotiff]

I have learned that when I feel lazy, it's not laziness but being overwhelmed. If I go to bed and allow myself to be "lazy" it passes and I come out of it with energy and motivation. It took me a long time to give myself permission to be "lazy"....can you give yourself permission to do "nothing"?

 

[lostforgottensoul]

can you give yourself permission to do "nothing"?

In general and it not being the 2nd day on serquiol & sleeping a lot...im not really having a choice in it...my body/mind is forcing it on me....before the seriquiol i mean.

Maybe i could be "ok, i just need to stop for a bit and rest" if i didnt have this feeling of wanting to push back down, supress, pretend it didnt happen again...and i usually get that feeling when im hitting up against something really hard except i dont know what it is. Its very possible that my dad pretending to have PTSD at the VA is it...that unresolved resentment that i already had without that.

When i had posted about it, I was able to quickly agree that this is about me, not him and what he does doesnt affect me but im wondering if it is in a subconscience level because he talks about it a lot and when he mentions something about it, i feel like hitting something...quick fast and sharp anger. So for something that doesnt affect me is sure affecting me anyway.

If it is the resentment for my dad...i can start working with that but thats more of a guess. The only thing that happened a few days ago that could of cause the "push it all down, supress it all and pretend it all didnt happen" feeling. Ive had that a few times and its always when im hitting something hard, its just the first time i dont know, for sure, what it is.

So im taking the break but trying to....or will once this "drunk" feeling of the seriquiol passes...investigate that resentment a bit. Unsure how in the world im going to work past it. I forgave him years ago but what he's doing now is making that resentment worse, strong, and everyday he says aomething that makes it even stronger...and i know i need to work through it reguardless of what he says or does, or dont say or dont do, just unsure how im going to is all.

Forgive the long reply, im drugged up a bit at the moment. Did that answer the question?

 

[EveHarrington]

I think everyone wants to be validated, and essentially your dad has been invalidating you, your experiences, your trauma, your PTSD.

I'd be fuming, too-----especially since the invalidation is coming from a parent.

Please don't stuff these feelings away. They are quite valid. I hope you can work through them here on the forum and with your therapist.

:hug:

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Please don't stuff these feelings away.

Oh no, I wont. I want to, I want to stuff them all again but ive been there before to that 'want to' along with once did due to thinking i was gonna loose my therapist and then had to pull them back out.

They are quite valid.

Thank you! :hug:

I hope you can work through them here on the forum and with your therapist.

Me too! :hug: