Every day for the past four years I go into work early and being large company we have a coffee shop, So I get a large flat white and find a nice lounge and enjoy the peace and quite and enjoy my coffee, A lady I work with started sitting at my table and I was ok with it for a while but now others have started sitting with me and I just want to sit alone, My anxiety starts to build and I feel like sitting at another table but that would be a bit rude, I really want to say something but I don't know how to start that conversation with out offending someone.Any ideas.
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I Feel Trapped
- Post starter TonyG
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do they just sit, or do they converse with you?
If they just sit, then one option would bring a paper, or a book to read.
Otherwise, if they are sitting with you, and conversing with you, then that tells me that they like you and they are interested in getting to know you.
I know I am going to sound like a loser saying this, but if I was sitting at a table, and some co-workers came and joined me because they wanted to get to know me as a person (not simply for career advancement), that would mean a lot to me. i have not had a lot of experience of people seeking me out to make friends with me, so I would gladly give up my alone time if that were to happen.
I know it means sacrificing some alone time, but it engaging them in conversation might help you come out of your anxiety shell.
If they just sit, then one option would bring a paper, or a book to read.
Otherwise, if they are sitting with you, and conversing with you, then that tells me that they like you and they are interested in getting to know you.
I know I am going to sound like a loser saying this, but if I was sitting at a table, and some co-workers came and joined me because they wanted to get to know me as a person (not simply for career advancement), that would mean a lot to me. i have not had a lot of experience of people seeking me out to make friends with me, so I would gladly give up my alone time if that were to happen.
I know it means sacrificing some alone time, but it engaging them in conversation might help you come out of your anxiety shell.
scout86
VIP Member
Assuming there are plenty of tables, so it's not necessary to share, why it it rude to sit by yourself? It doesn't seem that that is any more rude that joining someone who wants to be left alone, without asking permission. If you have to explain yourself, what's wrong with the truth? Something like. "I need a little alone time to get ready to face the day."
@RussH, you don't sound like a loser. That actually sounds like a pretty good idea, depending on the individuals involved.
@RussH, you don't sound like a loser. That actually sounds like a pretty good idea, depending on the individuals involved.
joeylittle
Sponsor
@TonyG, I moved your thread over to "Employment and Education" because it is very specific to the workplace.
I was wondering - is the woman you work with actually talking to you when she sits down, or looking for conversation? Or is it more of a "the tables are full and people need to co-exist at a table" kind of thing?
I was wondering - is the woman you work with actually talking to you when she sits down, or looking for conversation? Or is it more of a "the tables are full and people need to co-exist at a table" kind of thing?
BlueOrange
Diamond Member
When there is a company cafe, there's an unwritten expectation that people will socialize. Getting out of it gracefully could be tricky. I suggest talking to your therapist about strategies you can use.
Friday
Sponsor
How much is your alone time important to you?
How much is having a relationship with these people important to you?
There are a ton of different ways you could prioritize these 2 things (including having your cake and eating it, too, if they're both important). But what it comes down to, IME, are the results you want. Then work your way backwards.
lol... You're right, there's no nice way to say "Go away", but there are a number of things that you can do that protect your personal space without sacrificing relationships by being rude.
How much is having a relationship with these people important to you?
There are a ton of different ways you could prioritize these 2 things (including having your cake and eating it, too, if they're both important). But what it comes down to, IME, are the results you want. Then work your way backwards.
lol... You're right, there's no nice way to say "Go away", but there are a number of things that you can do that protect your personal space without sacrificing relationships by being rude.
- Post starter
- #8
@FridayJones
It's more of a ritual to me I just like to veg out before work, It's a time for me to put things in my head in order,
It's not important at all to have a relationship with these people, The sun is out most days so I might sit out in the garden or rotate between the two, I start to get anxious knowing they will come and sit with me,
It's more of a ritual to me I just like to veg out before work, It's a time for me to put things in my head in order,
It's not important at all to have a relationship with these people, The sun is out most days so I might sit out in the garden or rotate between the two, I start to get anxious knowing they will come and sit with me,
- Post starter
- #9
Friday
Sponsor
Yep. Then I'd ghost out. Change my routine so they don't know where to find me, have a paper or earphones to wall up. Protect my space. Makes it simple. If you needed that relationship, it would entail having to allay their noting your absence (like doing the one hand lean/ hey everyone, I've gotta do some stuff this morning. Jill. Kick Mike under the table for me at regular intervals.... Or the deliberate eye catch, cheers wave and walk away... Or. Or. Or.... All the stuff that keeps the door open while they're at a distance).
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- #11
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