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I find stories of others trauma, rape, abuse and suffering soothing.

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What do you mean by "trauma details?" In my support group, we can get pretty graphic in describing what happened to us and AFAIK no one has had any problems.
Yeah, literally any detail trauma-related is pretty much out. So, despite having been in the same group as some of them for a couple of years, I actually don’t know what kind of trauma they went through.

It’s a group for complex trauma patients, so you can take an educated guess in most cases.

The group is focused on skill-building, and everyone is at a different point in their recovery. So, sharing details would definitely trigger some people in the group. And they have a big concern about transference of trauma stories, which is why the rule was first introduced.

The deal is that if you need to talk about your trauma, or how any group content relates to your trauma, that has to be during one on ones with your individual T.
 
Yeah, literally any detail trauma-related is pretty much out. So, despite having been in the same group as some of them for a couple of years, I actually don’t know what kind of trauma they went through.

It’s a group for complex trauma patients, so you can take an educated guess in most cases.

The group is focused on skill-building, and everyone is at a different point in their recovery. So, sharing details would definitely trigger some people in the group. And they have a big concern about transference of trauma stories, which is why the rule was first introduced.

The deal is that if you need to talk about your trauma, or how any group content relates to your trauma, that has to be during one on ones with your individual T.

Sideways, that’s the strategy I think Tarana Burke of metoo recommends. She is not overly in favour of trauma sharing I think.
 
She is not overly in favour of trauma sharing I think.
There is a lot of people, particularly those who don’t fully recall their trauma, who have difficulty differentiating between memories and intrusive thoughts on the one hand, and horrible intrusive ideas of what could have happened on the other.

That’s been borne out in trauma centres all over the place, and was a huge problem for the trauma unit I attend when they first opened. Individuals’ trauma stories quickly became far more elaborate, and took on elements of the trauma stories of other patients.

Suddenly a person with very little recall of their trauma would have vivid recall of what was essentially another person’s trauma, simply because they’d heard the details.

It’s a huge problem, because for the individual, those transferred “memories” can be just as real, and cause all the same visceral physical reactions, that their actual trauma creates. And once embedded within their own trauma story, it can be almost impossible to whittle it back down to what they actually experienced, and what is transference.

It’s definitely the reason I don’t spend a lot of time going through old trauma diaries. Because it’s something our brain does, of its own accord, to fill in memory gaps. I have memory gaps (big ones), and it’s incredibly important to me not to unknowingly fill those gaps with other peoples’ trauma. I’d rather not know.

I find the whole thing a little bit frightening, especially being a person who does have memory gaps. Part of me naturally wants to know what happened to me, but the thought of suffering someone else’s trauma experience as though it were my own? I definitely don’t need that.
 
@Sideways, there are all sorts of reasons not to share graphic details. I know some people enjoy reading them for gratification purposes. I hate to think people’s trauma feeds people’s ideas of how to intimidate and get away with it. Plausible deny ability and reasonable doubt are very real friends of perpetrators.
 
My support group is held at a rape center so not everyone who participates has CPTSD,
And that’s a significant difference - everyone in the group I attend has complex trauma. Together with the goals of the group - I certainly don’t think silencing trauma survivors is always appropriate. In some settings, giving survivors a place to find their voice is one of the core goals.
 
^Yeah I do use the word normals, even in therapy. lol...

But to clarify, I use that term very loosely.

There are a lot of 'normals' that probably should be locked up for their own safety. Most could not navigate their way out of a car park let alone life. You're right there is a spectrum.. lol...

So please don't take me too seriously.

It's a term I use when, in the absence of any full on disclosure on their behalf or overt behaviour which makes me seriously suspect there might be a few horses loose in the top paddock.

But then again, who am I to judge? I've got a whole mob of them running loose..

So there are the normals and then there is me? lol.. :sorry::sneaky::hilarious:

LOL at horses loose in the top paddock......gave me a real chuckle! We are just differently normal????
 
I think reading some people’s stories can seem to help me but when I reflect it’s avoidance? In feeling compassion for others I don’t have to deal with my own stuff. Other times I can get into the ‘now that person REALLY suffered, their PTSD is understandable’

Sometimes if I see someone with a trauma reminiscent of bits of my story down playing it it can make me feel worse. If it’s not valid for them, why is it valid for me?

There is a lot I still cannot read. I find things I could tolerate I just can’t anymore.

I definitely go through phases. I watched the first two seasons 13 reasons why very quickly. I watched ‘Unbelievable’ over the last week. I was glued to Dr Fords testimony as it was live streamed.

I still do not have much capacity in my personal life for others’ trauma. I found a friend’s reaction to a car crash difficult to help her through; I was not a stable rock.
Now as a special educator, dealing with children's trauma, I was able to connect with them in a way other teacher's couldn't. I think I worked the best with the sickest of children, and most of those kids were multi-talented......and now that I'm retired, I really do miss them. However, I'd have to smile at their parents, pretend not to be ill at ease, or overtly angry that they were hurting their child....because that was not my place. It was to give the child strategies to succeed at school.....sometimes things that happened at school were triggering to me and I'd have to evaluate how my own issues were interferring......but I worry about them even today.....how they will turn out.....if they will find peace.
 
I wonder if you witness a lot trusma against others when you were very young....even before language?
I ask this question because you may somewhat internalized when others are hurting, you are not. Could be very implicit and procedural. However, the beauty of your resilence is you are verbalizing this feeling so distinctly which is amazing truly. I wonder what are you gonna do about it? basically IMHO this is a lost empathy of a child who did not have capacity to process something very horrific.
 
I wonder if you witness a lot trusma against others when you were very young....even before language?
I ask this question because you may somewhat internalized when others are hurting, you are not. Could be very implicit and procedural. However, the beauty of your resilence is you are verbalizing this feeling so distinctly which is amazing truly. I wonder what are you gonna do about it? basically IMHO this is a lost empathy of a child who did not have capacity to process something very horrific.

@grit ...I'm kinda assuming you responded to me. Yes??? If no, forget the rest of this.

I was adopted @ 5 mo......? Foster care for 5 months......I don't recall anything earlier than 5yrs -when I started first grade. My brother told me he was abused by someone when he was young, but he never shared....his play was mean, he thought it was funny....he taught me to lie to my parents, to keep secrets, and to steal from them (he was my big bro and would protect me....all a lie)...then he abused me when I was in grade school.....but I was verbal at that time.....of all the family members I have....I feel like I'm so different from them......they can be horrible to me and not feel it......I can climb into someone elses shoes......and feel their feelings-I feel like an outsider to my family for this reason....and I somehow managed to walk away with a core set of basic values.....good values. I am lucky and do not abuse drugs, alcohol, or have any other vices except sugar/food, caffeine.

If I see a bully situation......I'm able to take care of the situation at hand......get the kid to safety, get her breathing again.....talking again.....and I do not shut down during someone elses crisis.....I fall apart later.....when I'm alone. These are times I go home and write poetry about it......no, I am quite able to feel empathy......I cry for others who hurt.....I do feel their pain. And I spent my life taking care of others and not me and worrying about them......

Not sure I understand your last couple of sentences: "I wonder what are you gonna do about it? ..Does your last sentence refer to loss of personal self-compassion for the child that was?

Definitely sometimes when I'm in a lot of pain, I watch something or read a book or articles on something similarly painful. Often but not necessarily situations similar to what I've experienced. And it does strangely centre me somehow. It's like it validates or something.
@berlinda.....I pick and choose my shows to watch based on how I'm feeling.....but if I'm sad, watching a sad show will only bring me further down....I usually do the opposite-and violence-just makes me feel creeped out.
 
Depends how numb I am, or how focused.

The same result with both numb & hyperfocused, it registers, but not emotionally.

IDK about soothing, more like relatable vs not.
I tend to be more triggered by things like someone getting right a style of tying shoelaces, the way some accents sound, how some things crunch slash thud bonk clatter go to hell with sound onomatopoeia already, things like that.
 
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