I found my therapist's home address

[Friday]

I think i'm in such a state right now that I'm not sure I'm understanding any of this.

Need to work through these feelings so that I can feel i haven't destroyed the relationship with her, and can continue therapy with her. She has said it's ok and she'll see me next week, and talking about the next few sessions. So she isn't terminating me. I need to not terminate my relationship with her too.

I just meant -when you have the headspace to- looking at how something that started out healthy/ normal/ rational/ okay …tornado’d🌪into… guilt/ shame/ embarrassment/ fear/ pain.

To the degree that even your therapist -the person you looked up- cannot assuage or reverse the process by ALSO being okay with it / either forgiving or no need to forgive as you did nothing wrong.

That’s an internal gear-shift that happened, somewhere.

***

It’s also not a totally irrational set of fears -or at least didn’t start out that way- as many people are absolutely not okay with any kind of being looked up. Whilst many others are.

Spoiler: As a brief aside

it’s happened a few times now where I’ve been dating someone in law enforcement and what THEY expect to be a big bada boom END of the relationship??? (IE the moment one of their friends/family lets slip they’ve done a background check on me) Turns out to be a total non-issue?…

Because a) I happen to believe that vetting people is smart, b) someone else doing it I find totally sweet (awwww, they love yoooou), and c) I’ve lived with/ worked with/ loved people who have to file various versions of “close and continuing” paperwork on anyone they’re in a relationship with for their jobs that is waaaaay more involved than a simple background check?

… Has become a hilarious mile marker I’ve grown to look forward to. Also really great sex always follows. Like makeup sex, but without the fighting. Just because THEY were so freaked out that common sense / due diligence was going to be taken as some version of “That’s it. We’re done. I can’t trust you. I’m so disappointed in you, I thought we had something special. How dare you?!? You terrible, horrible, no good, very bad person, you!” Bwaaahahahahaha. No. That’s not me. At all. Shrug. And not because I’m an open book, either. I’m not. IRL I’m honest, but I don’t go running around shouting the truth. It is a very VERY small circle that I share my life with, and in what level of detail.

But, clearly, those people do exist. Or these blokes wouldn’t be sweating bullets that running my name/prints would mean I’m done with them.

- So if you yourself don’t have a hardline opinion on the matter? It’s very easy to get sucked into an internal conflict of other peoples warring opinions on privacy.

- Meanwhile if your trauma history conflicts with your own opinions? (Like if you’ve been stalked, or suffered violent lashback from the completely innocent/reasonable being twisted into a justification to abuse you, etc.). There’s more internal conflict. With the TNT Overreaction of triggers & stressors doing their thing.

- Etc.

 

[Weemie]

But, clearly, those people do exist.

It's me! I'm people!

 

[Movingforward10]

Thanks for bringing humour into it @Friday. Happy that your version of this ends up with fantastic sex. Def think I would be terminated if I offered that as a way out of this….!

 

[Movingforward10]

I just meant -when you have the headspace to- looking at how something that started out healthy/ normal/ rational/ okay …tornado’d🌪into… guilt/ shame/ embarrassment/ fear/ pain.

To the degree that even your therapist -the person you looked up- cannot assuage or reverse the process by ALSO being okay with it / either forgiving or no need to forgive as you did nothing wrong.

That’s an internal gear-shift that happened, somewhere.

Yeah, do need to think this through. Because it’s true I am not able at the moment to accept what she said, I’m still of the feeling that I have ruined everything and next week she’ll terminate me. Need to create the headspace to process.

Meanwhile if your trauma history conflicts with your own opinions? (Like if you’ve been stalked, or suffered violent lashback from the completely innocent/reasonable being twisted into a justification to abuse you, etc.). There’s more internal conflict. With the TNT Overreaction of triggers & stressors doing their thing.

I feel like I need to understand this more. I’m taking this to mean growing up with all the gaslighting and not knowing reality at times is creating this internal conflict??

 

[Adobe]

I don't know whether I should tell her I did this. I know I shouldn't have done it.

I feel terrible.
I don't think she will terminate.
I won't ever go near her home or anything like that (I sincerely hope I wouldn't anyway, but I also hope that I wouldn't be the client who looks up their therapist's address and yet here I am).

I feel stuck now between telling her and not telling her. Both are awful.
It's not like me to do something like that. I have been with her for 3 1/2 years and whilst I have pushed boundaires I think with the odd email here and there. I tend to respect her boundaires and value them. So doing this is not in line with how I want to be.

Any advice?

This is an older post but my “ feeling” is perhaps you should look for another T. Once you cross the line with emotional involvement of any kind the value of your sessions is diminished. The honesty and transparency are affected. I just listened to a psychologist discuss this very thing. You have opened a door. It is understandable due to the sharing of intimate issues surrounding your issues. You are now very vulnerable to half truths etc. enough said. I totally understand how this happens. Bearing your soul is intimacy and has to be handled very professionally.

 

[Rose White]

@Hulda she wrote about how this issue was resolved with her therapist already—they both handled it professionally and she grew from the experience.

 

[Adobe]

@Hulda she wrote about how this issue was resolved with her therapist already—they both handled it professionally and she grew from the experience.

Great. I just listened to doctors on the forum discuss this. Glad it worked within the framework. I don’t know if I could control that so easily internally. Definitely could externally but I would always be overly sensitive to that aspect of the relationship. Thank you for sharing..

 

[Movingforward10]

Once you cross the line with emotional involvement of any kind the value of your sessions is diminished. The honesty and transparency are affected. I just listened to a psychologist discuss this very thing. You have opened a door. It is understandable due to the sharing of intimate issues surrounding your issues. You are now very vulnerable to half truths etc. enough said. I totally understand how this happens. Bearing your soul is intimacy and has to be handled very professionally.

I mean, I opened that door day one with this T I think! Or at least near to day one.
My T works within transference with her clients so is all about this relational work. I think i'm always riding that line of the edge of emotional involvement but also learning what that means in a healthy way. And therapy for me is a lot about that.
Anyway, I *think* my T and I have moved on from this. She's seen it as me testing the relationship and testing trust in her at a point of difficulty. And how to help me build in healthier ways to get what I need at those points.
I *think* I have been open and honest, excruciatingly so, about it all to try and learn from it.
It's prob still a work in progress. And I've moved onto the next thing to fixate and worry about.
But I think I heal with this T and until I feel I am not healing, I'll stick with her.

 

[Friday]

My T works within transference with her clients

This.

Different therapists specialize in different things, and are used to / expect different groupings of behaviors.

Investigators/Cops/Etc.? Are GOING to pull up a background check on their therapists, to different degrees, more often than not. If you work with that population? It’s going to be something one both expects, and is both well versed in how to handle, as well as where things cross from normal into concerning/dangerous.

Transferance (childhood, etc.) clients? Are GOING to, more often than not, ignore the education/finance/associates/etc. investigators look for, and instead zero in on the personal; home, friends, family, social media. And, ditto, therapists who specialize in these clients? Are familiar & well versed with how to handle it.

It’s one of the best reasons I know of to work with specialists. Because “we”, whomever “we” are? Are normal to them.