I Give Up On Therapy Now!

[want2cope]

I understand your frustration. I think you are saying that other people do not hear what you are saying. I hear you. You are saying that you have been abused. You have been hurt very badly emotionally, mentality, spiritually, and physically. People have done these things to you for no reason, but deep inside the "little girl" in you deserved it somehow, because how could people be that mean for no reason at all. Truth is, it was not your fault. People do these things to others because they have a problem and need to control and hurt others to make themselves feel more superior, in more control, in so its a terrible way to build themselves up. You did not deserve this. But part of growing up, my dear, is the realization that mean people do these things to people, sometimes out of their own ignorance and or learned behavior or just they are sick themselves. As you get older you let go of that, stop allowing those people still control you like they are now, and you forgive them, move on, forgive yourself for allowing them to still have a hold on u. As long as you stay upset they are still "winning". Much love. Hope I helped you.

 

[BloomInWinter]

I feel like this a lot. Especially lately.

What sucks about PTSD is that therapy is like having a coach & training for a series of fights. We can quit the coach and blow off the training, but the fights are still going to happen.

Only, we won't have nearly as much a chance as we do with someone in our corner.

 

[BloomInWinter]

A wise person told me early on in my recovery that I could choose to look for the similarities in our stories (AA meetings), or I could continue to go it alone, looking for the differences...and die of terminal uniqueness.

Most of my drinking buddies from those years - and my cousins, and my step-brother - are dead now but I am still standing.

I chose to try to look for things I could 'take' that helpful and left the rest I didn't find helpful.

I hope perhaps you'll find some healing. I hope you'll choose to look for the similarities. Or, that you find peace somewhere with safe people in your life.

 

[SilentWhisper]

I understand your frustration. I think you are saying that other people do not hear what you are saying. I hear you. You are saying that you have been abused. You have been hurt very badly emotionally, mentality, spiritually, and physically. People have done these things to you for no reason, but deep inside the "little girl" in you deserved it somehow, because how could people be that mean for no reason at all. Truth is, it was not your fault. People do these things to others because they have a problem and need to control and hurt others to make themselves feel more superior, in more control, in so its a terrible way to build themselves up. You did not deserve this. But part of growing up, my dear, is the realization that mean people do these things to people, sometimes out of their own ignorance and or learned behavior or just they are sick themselves. As you get older you let go of that, stop allowing those people still control you like they are now, and you forgive them, move on, forgive yourself for allowing them to still have a hold on u. As long as you stay upset they are still "winning". Much love. Hope I helped you.

I really appreciate you're response you see I'm sick of people saying everything is my fault when they don't know me, everyone that knows me say's the complete opposite and say I need to give myself a break and my mum is always saying I need to stop caring what people think.

I don't let what happened to me bother me and I would never of known I had PTSD if it wasn't for my therapist. I have always been told I'm anti-social because I don't talk, I don't go to any kind of social gatherings and can't stand being around people (I hate being touched and hate being too close to someone) but you see I don't care that I was abused, that I was abandoned that I have been ill for the last 11 years and nearly died, that half my family hate me... You see I don't care about any of that because they are all in my past, they have all made me who I am today and who I am today and that person just seems to have a lot of life experiences, have met some incredible people along the way and at 19 still have my whole life ahead of me.

So thanks for all the replies, thanks for reading what I have to say and please don't judge me and others by their first posts and assume you know all about that person.☺

 

[simplekindofgirl]

SilentWhisper- I understand that you are taking the comments made personally. It is because of your experiences that you take them personally. Right or wrong, good or bad, we are what we are.

While in some cases I believe that a person can make the determination as to when therapy is no longer helping and can continue to make valid progress independently through self help, this is not always the case. If you have been diagnosed with PTSD and you can say, my trauma doesn't bother me then you are possibly living in denial, or are emotionally numbing yourself, in either case the trauma will not bother you. But your brain says something else about it, which is how you wind up with PTSD. You may believe that you do not care, but your brain disagrees. So the question is/becomes, why do you not care?

If you do not care, then therapy will not work no matter how often you seek it, because you can not identify the problem. Which will lead to therapists referring you elsewhere. I am not insinuating that it is your fault. But you have to come back to the why, as in, is there a reason behind why do you not care.

Might I suggest that you take a step back from your experience, and look at Anthony's post as objectively as possible, which I know is hard because we are all subjective based on our own experiences. But give yourself a chance to really look at it, and think it through. Ask yourself with all amounts of honesty possible, is it possible that you fit into one of these categories?

Ayesha is spot on- Anthony is no nonsense. That is why I love this forum. because when I want to sit around, self blame, self loathing, self pity, he writes something or states something that kicks my butt back into gear and reminds me of what it is that I want to achieve. I appreciate his 'tough love' tactics, and if it were not for the facts that he presents and the blatant way that he presents them, I would not be able to maintain the progress that I have made in order to heal myself. It isn't meant to be taken personally. Its meant to inform and assist. And if you look at it objectively, you might see that too.

This is a tough thread. And I am truly sorry that you are hurting. Everyone here is simply trying to help. I hope that it does.

 

[BloomInWinter]

SilentWhisper,

What is at the top of your needs list? What one thing, if it could be granted, irregardless of money or time or space, would help you most in this instance? Can you let us know?

 

[Helliepig]

Sometimes I think we do need our butt kicked - but the trouble is if you've been badly abused you've tried so damn hard all your life to be better, to avoid pain... you take on too much responsibility and have no clear instruction book - sometimes you are already doing that so much you can't do any more. Or you just simply DON'T UNDERSTAND how to do anything differently.

And resistance to therapy can mean many things - it can often be something in you, sometimes it can be the therapist, sometimes it is both! Sometimes it is timing - like you can approach something and back off, approach and back off, approach and back off... until one day you can stay on the approach a little longer when you internal system is ready to deal with it.

Sometimes it is about finding someone or something that changes how you think, or allows you to go where you couldn't before. Often when we get stuck with something and can't see a way forward, it means that something in your belief or defence system has to change or let go.... and then the block disappears, until the next one. Perhaps your frustration at being stuck has a reason for it and in discussing it like this with everyone's different view points, it might help you work through it.

Sometimes you just need the right person, the right kindness and understanding, to move forward. I hope you find it.

 

[Helliepig]

Just had another thought about what is you and what is the therapist.... a good therapist will spot when a client is blocking/blaming/rejecting therapy and will try and confront them and help them move through it. Or they will spot if the overwhelm and hopelessness in the client's damaged parts is threatening to overwhelm the therapist and will work with it rather than give up. Or they will recognise when someone needs greater skills or more support than they can offer... they will be open and up front about it.... Butt kicking all done with tact, sensitivity and caring..

A good therapist can never say "you are beyond help" because that puts a client in a truly frightening, hopeless place, and how can they know it is true?? How do they know someone else or something else wouldn't help??

Your part, as client, is to be honest about what you are hearing, is someone really saying "you are beyond help" or are they saying something like "I can't help you unless you engage with me" ?? Too often we hear what we fear and our trauma channels kick in and we run away... over and over, without checking reality.

Feeling you can't be helped is a very common symptom, it comes from a part of you that NEVER WAS HELPED so it doesn't believe anything is different now. It doesn't mean it is true.

I also agree with simplekindofgirl that you saying "you don't care" is just a defence or a denial, because the rest of your system is obviously in a lot of pain.

 

[want2cope]

I feel like this a lot. Especially lately.

What sucks about PTSD is that therapy is like having a coach & training for a series of fights. We can quit the coach and blow off the training, but the fights are still going to happen.

Only, we won't have nearly as much a chance as we do with someone in our corner.

I agree 100%. I did not even know what a support system was until I started therapy. What opened my eyes, sad but true, I was paying someone to be my first, one and only, support system.

 

[want2cope]

A wise person told me early on in my recovery that I could choose to look for the similarities in our stories (AA meetings), or I could continue to go it alone, looking for the differences...and die of terminal uniqueness.

Most of my drinking buddies from those years - and my cousins, and my step-brother - are dead now but I am still standing.

I chose to try to look for things I could 'take' that helpful and left the rest I didn't find helpful.

I hope perhaps you'll find some healing. I hope you'll choose to look for the similarities. Or, that you find peace somewhere with safe people in your life.

I like this post also because it reminds me of a new mother having their first baby. Everyone has an opinion of how to do this and that for the baby. Others can do this thing to fix this thing and so on. It's your "baby" and the reality is you know best, it comes natural to you because it is a part of YOU. I tried so hard to please my mom and others by doing things they told me before I realized this. I nearly drove myself crazy trying do what everyone else expected of me, until I did what you just said. I took what helped me and dumped the rest and blocked it out. No knows you but you. Others say what they tell you trying to help from their experience only. Just saying...... Much love to you all.

 

[SilentWhisper]

SilentWhisper,

What is at the top of your needs list? What one thing, if it could be granted, irregardless of money or time or space, would help you most in this instance? Can you let us know?

Honestly I don't know, I am told different things from different people, I originally only needed help dealing with my illness as apparently nearly everyone who has a long term, life threatening illness needs help with the emotional side of suffering with such an illness.

I was first referred as I wasn't happy with sitting in the room with someone who repeats back what I say and write it down and send me on my way with another appointment for the same thing to happen. However I just saw a different person in the same building that done the exact same thing which I put up with for about 1 year before I decided to stop. Then when I was in hospital they called the same therapist who said she knew I was only going to hospital because I was getting abused at home and I'm trying to get away. I stayed out of any kind of therapy.

I have just lost my trail of thought so I will respond when I remember.

 

[BloomInWinter]

Becoming 'safe in ourselves' is the first step in healing. That means the ability to have internal contact.

Keep asking the child in you...'What do you need?'

Somewhere in there, she knows. She's probably been too frightened to tell anyone. But you can assure her it is safe to tell the adult you. That you won't shame, blame, or abandon her.

She'll speak, eventually. ...and you'll have the beginnings of that internal contact that forms the basis of every other healing event. At least...that is how it has gone for me.