I Hate "are You Okay?"

[Matilda]

My stress cup is very close to the brim for the past few weeks thanks to flashbacks, nightmares, fears..all of the typical stuff that users here I'm sure are familiar with so I'm trying to avoid any form of uneeded stress (the good and the bad). That's resulted in me isolating myself from all social engagements that don't involve my mom or work. And this week I've even ignored every text coming from family and friends. But that hasn't really helped much in terms of me falling apart. Today my boyfriend (yeah, still don't know what to do with that relationship) texted me "hey hey, doin' alright?" and I sort of lost it from there. I was at a party for work and I was already stressed with trying to socialize, but that stupid message tipped the cup. Next thing I know I'm scratching at my arm so much that I'm bleeding and then I'm trying to hide the blood without looking stupid in front of my coworkers. I then managed to drop a glass of lemonade all over the table and after trying to joke about it I fumbled out an excuse that I had to leave foor college. I just drove home and fumed. I can't stand when people ask me if I'm okay which is so stupid considering all I want is to talk to somebody. But I know these people don't understand sh*t. Worst thing my boyfriend has ever experienced is his stupid dog dying when he was 9. That's why I'm isolating myself so much, people can just be soo ignorant and if I tell them, No Im not alright, then I'll be treated like I'm glass. I don't want to be fragile and I don't want stupid pity. Anybody here even understand how I feel about this topic. How do I answer a question like that with people who can't understand and don't even bother trying to send a message in proper grammer (sorry for being such so picky, but the "hey hey" and "doin" almost made my eyes fall out of my head from how hard I was rolling them.) I'd love any input right now

 

[MariaMars24]

Sometimes I wonder if my ex (who suffers from PTSD) was ever annoyed when I asked if "everything is okay?" "Are you ok"? I was sincere about it. I really wanted to know and if he was not OK I wanted to know that too. But he hated that. But I don't know what he wanted me to do...how to say certain things to him. And I could tell if he was not OK so I asked more and more and he gets defensive saying that he needs to process things and he'll tell me later which would be weeks later or never. I feel like I am not good enough..wasn't supportive enough..I was his girlfriend who had no idea what was going on with him really. And I was going though a lot of ups and downs myself. (3 yr long distance relationship..ugh)

Do you ever talked about your boyfriend about how you don't like him texting "doin" "hey hey"...texting is so impersonal..he is not there...he could not see your facial expressions, your energy, your body language. he would react differently perhaps..I really wish cellphones never existed.

 

[anonymous]

I think it helps to be able to step back and say "where are these questions coming from?" 99.9% of the time you'll answer by saying "people care but are misguided in how they express their concern."

I know it stinks to have to deal with such questions, but looking at the intent can diffuse the frustration we feel when confronted by these inquiries.

Truthfully, people are clueless when it comes to PTSD. That's just something we have to learn to accept (even though its a PITA). The only real thing we can do is change our reactions because we will never change the world. We can educate those who are close to us, but in the end, we will always have to deal with people who don't exactly say the right things to us in regards to our disorder.

 

[shimmerz]

Today my boyfriend (yeah, still don't know what to do with that relationship)

Might be more about this
Than this

"hey hey, doin' alright?"

And he might not know that yet.

Idk, but this struck me. It sounds like there is a ton of conflict in the first statement.

 

[GWhizz]

I agree with @shimmerz. That and the fact that you're making comparisons about him not having gone through anything worse than his dog dying. Thank God there are people out there who have had decent average lives - I wouldn't wish it on anyone else. I know what you mean about him potentially lacking empathy because of it. But I think you need to communicate this with him because you seem to feel the people around you are pitying you and not empathizing instead.

 

[Glara]

Is there an exact right thing to say?

I used to try to check in with my suffer by just saying "I'm still here". He seemed to appreciate it, he said he did, and that I wasn't bothering him. But my jealousy got the best if both of us. When he didn't talk to me for months and barely texted, then posted a picture of another woman, I freaked. In my defense, I still think it was inappropriate. He responded by saying it was just a friend that's he's known longer than me. He said he never promised or even insinuated that he wanted a relationship. What have we been doing the past year?

It's true, I don't know I how to deal with a ptsd sufferer. I don't know what to say. I came on here to learn and most of the time I think I handled it well. In my case I unfriended him on Facebook. I emailed and told him I was not deleting all my contact with him, just his profile for my own protection. I haven't heard from him since. Don't really know what the right thing to say or do is. I suspect he doesn't either.

 

[Matilda]

Thank you to everyone who has responded. I was going to respond individually to your posts this morning, but with the network down I couldn't and ended up looking my responses so I'll just summarize everything here.
I do have issues. It's so much more than my reaction to one text and it's more than just me having relationship issues. I have this huge mass of bubbling hate inside of me that just keeps increasing every day. I'm pretty sure I hate everyone in some way or another. I don't know how to explain it, but I do. I'll find myself laughing and hanging out with my mom one moment and the next I can't help but realize I am so angry at her for no reason. I hate my friends, family, people I respect, even my dog at times. And I know isolating myself isn't helping but I just can't relate to anyone. It's like I'm giving up on everything

 

[The Albatross]

You got to turn that around Matilda... hate is a guaranteed route to diminishing returns.

 

[Matilda]

But I've been trying for years to get rid of this stupid hate and it was working I was getting better until last March when my mom took control of the situation and forced me to speak to pastors and therapists about what had happened to try convincing me to hate my father. And after so long of fighting her my dad turns around and goes crazy making me fear for my own safety so I had to cut contact with him. Then I just fell all over again. I struggle with this bubbling anger and feelings of hate and isolating myself. I can't stop thinking about if my parents had died, I had cancer, or some other tragedy I'd tell others for support but I don't feel like I can with this. People get scared and overwhelmed when they find out and run away. Sexual abuse especially when it's the case of incest when you can't even let go of feeling for the person who did it carries a huge social stigma and I just feel like people would see the situation rather than me. But I hate them for not knowing. I hate then because they couldn't stop what happened and they can't understand how I feel. I hate them because their lives go on normally while I'm completely falling apart