I Hate My Therapist Today

[Echo]

@kahlan - I do understand; I've held it all in for decades too. So much is pre-verbal and there were no words. So much from childhood when there was no understanding, then over 30 years since my last rape. All held inside; all too dangerous to remember or vocalise where I could. Now that I've finally written to my parents after a year of PTSD and having to speak for some months to a therapist, the reaction to my letter means that I'm closing down again. In the last few days I can feel me forcing my emotions into a tiny pea-shaped ball in my heart. And I am becoming rigid and emotionally blank. When the pain is too great and the reception so dangerous, it's what we have learned to do to try to be safe.

 

[katiekat]

@kahlan i too can't cry in front of anyone. I dissociate if I feel I'm about to cry.

 

[Rumors]

@kahlan - In the last few days I can feel me forcing my emotions into a tiny pea-shaped ball in my heart. And I am becoming rigid and emotionally blank. When the pain is too great and the reception so dangerous, it's what we have learned to do to try to be safe.

Gosh, so very true. My mind tells me, "danger" when perhaps it isn't, but it is too late because my body has already fled the scene! Lol.