Childhood I hate recalling/realizing shit/connecting the dots on my childhood... while trying to process my adult trauma. Anyone relate?

[Sweetleaf]

The title is all I really can say right now. All I feel like saying. Just kind of a "hey, I'm kinda hurtin' here a bit today"

Not a rough kind of "hurtin' a bit today" but a "ugh, why did my brain have to bring this shit up now, of all times?"

I maybe will elaborate more later but, I dunno. I've just had a lot of shit I've remembered today. I wish my brain didn't

Anyone relate? Anyone get what I'm even saying? I want to feel less alone :(

How do I cope with childhood stuff that I don't want to think about and wish had stayed buried -forever-, when I have some really difficult trauma work to do on the stuff from later in life, as an adult?

 

[piratelady]

I can relate. I keep remembering more and more, having flashbacks, my anxiety is worse than ever. Despite my best efforts my brain keeps me focused on the childhood stuff. I feel, at times, like I can’t control where my brain focuses.

I really wish I could find a way to make it stop, but I’ve just started trying focus on the times when I feel calm and sleep well before the next waves comes.

I’ve decided I just gave to deal with the childhood stuff in therapy rather than focusing on what’s going on in my life now and my fears about my husband, especially how it makes me feel regarding my ex

 

[MyWillow]

I can relate. Mostly I don’t have the memories but the flashbacks bite me on the arse often enough for me to realise I’ve got more shit to wade through than I thought. Take care and be kind to yourself x

 

[Mr Man]

Hey Sweatleaf,

I had a big trigger that lead to me spending several years dealing with childhood memories. I’d recommended getting a Therapist if you can afford, as they can help release these memories little by little so they’re less overwhelming.

But it was worth it, that’s all I can say. I was brought up by a violent NPD and BPD. So it was really helpful to understand that they purposefully destroyed myself esteem and it wasn’t all my fault. Just by adjusting my memories and adjusting my beliefs, I have become much happier. So as scary as it may seem, as if things are out of control, try and reach out to a Therapist. The reasons these thoughts are coming out now, is to give you the opportunity to understand odd things from the past, an opportunity to correct bad beliefs. Wishing you peace.

 

[shimmerz]

Yes. I kind of looked at it a bit differently though. The childhood abuse memories were key in answering what my reactions a middle aged adult were.

I'd like to call it a Nancy Drew like mystery. I won't though. I used to like those books. I liked nothing of the mystery's of my psyche. Gotta be honest.

 

[Lionheart]

They, (therapists), say the memories will surface when you are strong enough to handle them, but it sure didn't seem like it to me when I was going through it. I didn't like it, but I knew it was the only way I was going to heal.

It is a pain in the arse, processing the trauma(s). Memories of childhood traumas would surface and I would have to connect the dots myself. It helped me to remember, "That was then, This is now". It took awhile, but I finally made it from a child-like state to adulthood.

I wish you success and healing, happiness and peace as you work through things. and I am sorry that it has not been a good day for ya.

 

[Survivor3]

I have a lot of trouble processing flashbacks. And it's not just the flashbacks because the way it effects you, you can end up making bad decisions whilst unwell causing even more drama in your life. Dealing with embarrassment, guilt or shame comes into it as well for me. It makes it difficult to move on. I don't have a therapist at the moment but I feel like I should because somedays are just painful to be honest.

 

[hopefully optimistic]

Ugh. Yes. Connecting the dots sucks. There’s no other way to say it. Sometimes I feel like I’m climbing my way out of that deep dark hole, and then a flashback hits, or a connection is made, and I’m thrown back to the bottom of it.