Sexual Assault I Have A Serious Problem With What Happened On The Main Forum

[Heather]

I was pm'd by another member who said he wanted to chat. To make a long story short: I asked him what his trauma was from he told me it was a work related injury where he lost his hand.

He said that most of his ptsd symptoms were under control and if I needed to talk he was here for me. I take responsibility for the fact that I asked him what his ptsd was from. He told me in rather full detail how he lost his hand BUT then he changed his avatar to an EXTREMELY GRAPHIC Picture of his reattached hand. I was shocked. After everything I've been through lately (yes, he does know) WHY?! would he think I WOULD want to see something like that??!!

I have enough shit in my head and to see that image makes me sick to my
stomach!:vomit::vomit::vomit::vomit:. Is he that stupid? I swear to god, I HATE MEN.
They are stupid, thoughtless, inconsiderate and disrespectful.

I told him how I felt and yes, he did apologize but too late the image is in my head and the damage is done. This is one time where an I'm sorry DOESN'T CUT IT!

 

[cherryblossom]

Heather, I can't help putting myself in the other members shoes just for a minute. You asked him how he got PTSD, so he told you. Maybe the details were too graphic for you, but maybe he needed to get that detail out. He then shows you a picture of his re-attached hand. He's probably not overjoyed by the way it looks either - but he has to learn how to live with it for the rest of his life. You then tell him that a picture of his hand, makes you feel sick to your stomach. And you think he is stupid and thoughtless to show you a picture of his injuries. He even graciously apologised to you for the way he looks physically, and you don't accept that apology. Maybe, it's the first time he's felt brave enough to show his injuries, and that is the reaction he got.

I swear to god, I HATE MEN.
They are stupid, thoughtless, inconsiderate and disrespectful.

If it had been a female who showed you a picture of her re-attached hand would that have been ok? Or would the whole female race then be stupid, thoughtless, inconsiderate and disrespectful?

What if someone where standing beside you in a line, with a re-attached hand? Would that make you feel sick to your stomach too? Would you tell them so, and expect to keep it covered up?

I'm not trying to change your opinion, or dismiss your feelings - just throwing in some thoughts from another perspective. I wonder how he felt after your conversation?

 

[Heather]

No, I don't care if it was male, female or mutant sea creature I was furious when I posted and no offense CB but that;s the one thing you focused on! Seriously?

Not the fact that he did that to me?

 

[cherryblossom]

If you re-read my reply Heather, you will see that the part where I questioned the male/female thing was infact 2 sentences of my whole reply.

Not the fact that he did that to me?

Perhaps, I'm missing something - but what exactly did he do that was so bad? Was it that he showed you a picture of a his re-attached hand?

 

[Heather]

Yes!, that is so completely and totally disgusting. I am traumatized enough. It was graphic, gross and shocking. Let alone the fact that i wasn't prepared to see that.

Like I told Anthony I have enough shit in my head already and now I have one more disturbing image to add to it. I guess I didn't makes myself clear when I said extremely graphic. He went into full detail about how his hand got sliced off in a cutter where he worked and then proceeded to show me the picture of it with the hundreds of stitches all swollen and mutilated. IT WAS DISGUSTING. Thinking about it now makes me ill.

I hope that clarifies it CB. I'm sorry if I didn't make it clear. It's been a really crappy months -- inpatient, father's day (yuck), my poor kitty, this and last night I overdosed on pills. I really am too wreckless for my own good these days.

 

[Lucycat]

Yes!, that is so completely and totally disgusting. I am traumatized enough. It was graphic, gross and shocking.

Gosh, it sounds awfull that he has to live with those same memories for the rest of his life. Plus others no doubt. The poor man.

 

[Muzikluvr]

As someone who has posted too much info on someone else's thread for various reasons... most of which because the people in my life do not want me to talk about my trauma... it's over and it's too much for them to handle...
I find people here who are traumatized or experiencing similar symptoms to mine, and I put myself out there, trying to help them if I've been where they are, or trying to make sense of it all with them if I'm where they are now, and I have to admit that I've gotten carried away before and given too graphic a description of my trauma.

It is trauma that brought us all here, and if we describe it graphically, then it would be too much for some of us to handle. If I could show you a picture of my trauma. Or if I had a copy of the recording that was made of me screaming for help, it would likely traumatize others here if they heard it. But, I remember those pictures and sounds and they ring in my ears and are etched on my brain. Sometimes I just want people to understand.

I wonder if he thinks that his trauma doesn't sound bad enough to cause PTSD and he was trying to show you that it was quite traumatic? I also wonder what drew him to you? Were you displaying similar symptoms to his that he thought he could help you through? I mean, you have been talking about some serious pain and suffering, some suicide ideation, and I think that he must have been through a pretty difficult time healing from his trauma, and he wanted to help you somehow.

What do you think? What were the opening lines from him about why he contacted you. What did he post to you? I mean, I'm just trying to figure out what he has in common with you since it seems like he didn't make a real connection with you before showing you disturbing images.

 

[Heather]

Gosh, it sounds awfull that he has to live with those same memories for the rest of his life. Plus others no doubt. The poor man.

lucy - I hope you didn't mean this but I feel so completelu unsupported right now you have absolutely NO idea and I hope that no one ever responds like this to YOU

 

[Heather]

exactly muzik! I would never put up a picture of my fb of my father raping me! So, why he would even Think it would be okay for him to show me that. Let COMMON sense prevail PLEASE!

 

[Muzikluvr]

the people in my life do not want me to talk about my trauma... it's over and it's too much for them to handle...

I find people here who are traumatized or experiencing similar symptoms to mine, and I put myself out there, trying to help them if I've been where they are, or trying to make sense of it all with them if I'm where they are now, and I have to admit that I've gotten carried away before and given too graphic a description of my trauma.

Sometimes I just want people to understand.

I wonder if he thinks that his trauma doesn't sound bad enough to cause PTSD and he was trying to show you that it was quite traumatic? I also wonder what drew him to you? Were you displaying similar symptoms to his that he thought he could help you through?

I think that he must have been through a pretty difficult time healing from his trauma, and he wanted to help you somehow.

What do you think? What were the opening lines from him about why he contacted you. What did he post to you? I mean, I'm just trying to figure out what he has in common with you since it seems like he didn't make a real connection with you before showing you disturbing images.

I'm glad that you found the part of my post that is supportive of you. But, you seem so angry, hurt and upset at this other sufferer and I wonder if you will address the rest of my post which is where I am identifying with him? Because rejection hurts, but angry rejection is filled with abandonment, guilt and shame... which I think he must be experiencing now from your reaction to his sharing of too much info with you.

 

[cherryblossom]

exactly muzik! I would never put up a picture of my fb of my father raping me! So, why he would even Think it would be okay for him to show me that. Let COMMON sense prevail PLEASE!

I disagree. A photograph of someone raping someone else is not comparable to someone changing their own avatar to a picture of themselves (their arm, even if it is swollen and mutilated).

I personally find your comments about his disfigurement quite shocking and offensive.

and then proceeded to show me the picture of it with the hundreds of stitches all swollen and mutilated. IT WAS DISGUSTING.

It was graphic, gross and shocking

If someone's face was mutilated and had to have hundreds of stitches, and it was swollen and mutilated would it be wrong of that person to use a picture of their face as their avatar?

I again ask you, how would you have reacted had you seen this 'disgusting' hand in a real life situation?

 

[Venator]

Just to throw in the alternate point of view also:

Perhaps this man is proud of surviving that physical trauma in some way, or perhaps is thankful that he did not totally lose his hand. He may feel self conscious about this now mutilated part of his body, and is trying to gain the confidence to not feel ashamed - perhaps much in the same way I am trying to not feel ashamed about my body image.

Just to say... and I'm sure you know... Disfigurement and loss of limbs can be terrible, and the person who has lost the body part has to find a way to cope with that. I had a science teacher that lost a leg, my landlord this past year lost a leg. I am friends with Marines who will never be the same. I am friends with burn victims who will forever be mangled. I have had to help people at work who have lost parts of their entire face to cancer, a crater where there were once human features.

Sometimes, hard as it may be - we must look past the triggers and see the people underneath. We must recognize that the triggers are triggers alone, but the people behind them are people like you and me.

They're survivors too.