I Have Ptsd, I Am In Love, And I Am Scared...

[Lionheart]

I haven't been truly in love since 1982 when I had a special friend and lover with whom I had to part due to outside circumstances. ..I have carried my feelings for her deep inside my heart.

We shared a beautiful summer together and then the world had it's way and we had to part. I told her I would find her again. It has taken me 34 years to find her, but I have and I am stoked to finally re-connect.

My problem is this; I still love her and I don't know how to express myself without scaring her away. I am trying to go slow and not push things..Go back to being friends and get to know one another again thru emails and facebook.

It is hard for me not to hope for more, She is a special lady and she made me feel that I was special as well....she doesn't know it, but she still does...

She lives several hundred miles away from me, but I could fly out to see her if I was invited to.

I guess what I am asking here is how do I proceed? I have mentioned child abuse, PTSD, and disability and she seems to be very understanding, supportive and caring. We still have much in common and I am thrilled that she and I are friends again.

How do I not be afraid of love? Or how could I be less afraid? How should I handle my fear? How should I proceed with things?

We are both still in shock from finding one another again after all this time and I am a mess.

I feel so vulnerable...., anxious.

I have been alone without love for a long while.

Is what I am feeling normal? All I know is that I love her and want to see her again. Should I tell her that?

 

[Sandstone]

I don't want this to sound glib, but this is called living. Being able to to do it is a big step forward for us. It sounds to me as though you are taking all the right steps, being open and honest I think you should carry on exactly as you are, but bear in mind that neither of you is the person you were all those years ago. You haven't had the opportunity to grow and change together, so you may find you aren't the fit you once were.

My husband had a distant cousin, C. As a teenager she and L met and fell in love, but both sets of parents disapproved and they were separated, and never saw one another again Both eventually married someone else. C was widowed in her 60's. Years later she saw an announcement of the death of L's wife, and wrote in sympathy. In their late 80s, they picked up exactly where they had left off, and were married within six months. They came to lunch with us, C wearing an appalling orange hat. When she left the room, L turned to us "I'm not entirely sure about my wife's hat" (as he said my wife he glowed with pride and love) "but if it brings her joy , then it delights me".

It can work out. i hope it will for you.

 

[Lionheart]

@Sandstone Thank you for the suggestions and advice!!! I realize that we have grown and changed and that we might not be the same "fit' as before, still I am trying to remain optimistic without being overly so. It is a balancing act....love can make one a bit crazy, but I think like you said, it is called Living.

Thank you for your optimism and hope for me!!!!

 

[Tinyflame]

I have much hope for you Lion. My advice is be yourself. :) :tup: If she loves you for that & vice versa, you'll be loved as you deserve to be (& will be, by her or someone else. :) )

:hug: :hug: :hug:

 

[Lionheart]

Thank you my sweet @Junebug you are a good friend and I count you among my many blessings. You give me hope and that is a beautiful gift!!!

 

[Tinyflame]

:hug: :hug: :hug: :notworthy: :)

 

[scout86]

I don't have any advice. Just wanted to say I'm pulling for you. It's pretty cool to think these things can actually happen.

I'd bet that what ever made this work before will make it work again. You will both have changed some, sure, but I'll bet your basic natures won't have.

A few years ago, I ended up working with an old friend from college. We had been good friends in college and hadn't really spoken in over 25 years. (Neither of us are good at making phone calls!) The friendship picked up exactly where it left off. In a couple days, our coworkers were saying "HOW long has it been since the 2 of you've seen each other???" Because it could as easily have been a week ago. It was amazing. (And we've done a much better job of staying in touch since then, even though we're 1000 miles apart again.) Just to say, some things actually DON'T change.

Just be yourself and it will work if it should and won't if you've both changed too much. Best of luck on your journey!

 

[EveHarrington]

Be yourself!

I think it's ok to let her know you care about her, but I'd hold back on the "L" word for now. A lot has happened since you last saw her. (What if she has relationship anxiety? Professing love soon after reconnection could scare her.)

I think it's awesome that you've reconnected with this special lady. I'm wishing you the best!!

 

[Sighs]

I love her and want to see her again. Should I tell her that?

Tell her the second part. Go see her. You can always tell her the first part in person if it goes well. Good luck!

 

[Lionheart]

Thank you, everyone. I am proceeding slowly and without the "L"-word. I want us to be friends and to reacquaint ourselves with each other and lots of time has passed. I see no need to be in a big hurry. I think patience is called for.

 

[Lionheart]

Today I have allowed myself to stop worrying about what might be, could be, or what I hope will be, and just be thankful for what was and is. Staying in the here and now and being mindful of the present, really helps to extinguish all that anxiety and over-thinking.

 

[Doublemintgum]

I haven't been truly in love since 1982 when I had a special friend and lover with whom I had to par...

Wow what an amazing story! Thank you so much for sharing. Reading things like this makes me feel that maybe I can become this open. Thank you