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I Have To Be Good To Everyone?

  • Post starter Post starter Deleted member 28942
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Deleted member 28942

I have a believe that i have to be good to everyone. Is this a negative core belief? I feel like it is not a good one because it is not possible to be good to everyone. Some people don't deserve it. What do you think?

I think a better core belief would be "I can decide who I want in my life"
 
I'm not for sure if this is called a negative core belief, but I think it could stem from having to always put on a good face, because someone might "know" or that someone can see right through me. That's how it is for me, and maybe too sometimes a fear of abandonment......
 
@PoopyPTSD I have a memory around first grade when my mom told me that I have to be good to everyone otherwise kids won't like me.
 
I think it gets into a slippery slope when you bring in statements like, "some people don't deserve to be treated well by me." In my mind, even if people don't "deserve" our good nature, we should still strive to at least not harm them. Sometimes the best treatment is no treatment. If someone isn't able to receive our kindness, maybe that person isn't someone we should be around.
 
Yes so then you feel you owe the world, to get love in return, that statement in its self is logical but it's more like if you are nice hopefully they will be nice, but not always and it doesn't always depend on you....
 
Errgh.. You've hit on one of the hard ones. Being good to people does not necessarily mean spending your time and resources on that person. I work in a downtown area with lots of homeless around. Some are friendly, some are not. But you'll find yourself having to walk by them sometimes because if you stop and talk, you're going to be late back from break. So you have to just move on.

And another time, long ago, when I was still in college (the first go-round). There was this guy in one of my classes.. I'd seen him about campus for a while, and I could tell he was in sore shape, just like I was. And then one day he asked if I wanted to meet up and study with him... And I had to say no. I was so bombed out at the time that I couldn't take care of myself, much less somebody else. And that's what it would have turned into.. I had just gotten out of one co-dependent relationship, so I certainly couldn't go getting into another one...

So yes, be friendly.. be 'good' to people.. but have boundaries. You gotta keep those boundaries up, even if it feels like it might be 'mean'... if you don't, you're inviting worries.
 
you are quite right, you don*t have to be good to anyone, just be fair, make everything to feel comfort andcalm, the most important is your feelings and desires. you must provide yourseld with comfort, not others!
 
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