I Have To Face The Monster Tomorrow

[janej32]

Tomorrow I have to see the monster who hurt me. It's unavoidable and I am so terrified, I have been mentally preparing myself for this for over a month now, and yet I still don't know how to deal with this anxiety I'm feeling. :(

 

[maddog]

Janej32, I'm so sorry you're facing this horror and stress.

I'm not sure of the context in which you will be confronting this person, but will there be other safe people with you? Will you be somewherre you can easily escape from if you need to be? What safety or contingency plan do you have in place to help you manage this?

I know that confrontation of your abuser can be nothing short of traumatic, and can only encourage you to have as many coping tools, exit strategies, means of support and healthy distractions available to you as you can to help you to get through this. And try to remember that you *will* get through it - this will be a temporary situation only, and you're going to come out of it safely on the other side.

Let us know how you're doing and how it goes.

Maddog

 

[Crimson]

Jane,

I can only imagine how distressing that is for you. I'll be thinking of you, good luck.

Peace,
Crimson

 

[Srain]

Jane,

I am not sure of your circumstances either, not sure what type of confrontation of who or what, so it makes it difficult to know what to suggest. I do think Maddog's suggestion of having support with you and around is vital. It being a major holiday makes the day more emotionally charged for everyone including yourself so I wonder at the timing, though it could be the only opportunity you have I don't know, which would make sense. Again, understand with very little to go on, this blind suggestion on my part.

Mostly, if I were in your situation I would make sure I had something with me that would keep me feeling grounded such as favorite necklace, ring, stone, or medallion to touch and feel so as not to lose yourself should anxiety begin to overcome you (I wear a necklace I've had for years that I touch and pull at that reminds me of my strength and all that I've endured.).

I hope it goes well for you, remember you are not the victim you are Survivor.

Peace,
Rain

 

[janej32]

Thank you all for your responses. This person that hurt me is really closely tied to my family, noone believes me or even cares when I tell them how scary it is for me to see this person and how badly they hurt me in the past. I have actually been told to be polite to this person and not to "start anything". The thought of just being in their presence is almost enough to make me just cancel spending Christmas with my own family.:(

I thank you for your suggestions, I will try to use them. I pray I get through this without another traumatizing incident, however I'm not a kid anymore so I will not keep my mouth shut and allow this person to abuse me.

 

[RosieNorth]

Yes, whatever you do, don't keep your mouth shut, it's how the abusers win.

 

[janej32]

I got through it! However it was kind of messed up because the monster did not acknowledge my presents at all, they treated me Ike I didn't exist when I forced myself to say hi to make my family happy.

 

[Anna]

Well done janej32. You are brave indeed :) Don't let them grind you down!

 

[Srain]

((((((hugs))))))))

Sometimes it's a game the abuser will play in attempt to make the abused feel even worse, they don't matter enough to acknowledge recognition, or an attempt to make future contact in order to ask why they did seem to know the abused - like I said, it's a game. I would be stay away.

You did well to get through this. I am unclear as to why you needed to even address this person, however, I hope you are being properly supported in order to heal.

Peace,
Rain

 

[bankhead]

You were in a no-win situation. That's something I am terribly familiar with. But you took care of yourself and that IS winning. You survived and you got out of there. That takes strength. Give yourself some congratulations.

 

[lil_fighter]

Im so glad you got through it. You are obviously very strong, much stronger than you think. You were civil and that shows that you are the better person, despite what the monster has done - you are still alive, you probably came across as confident with the fact that you could even face them - which may have unnerved her/him which is why he/she pretended you didn't exist - the pathetic monster's way of coping with it. You are not the kid that he/she...let's called them 'it' abused. 'It' knows that, you are an adult and you are a threat to 'it' because you know the truth...with victims of abuse they can keep telling someone until someone believes them and eventually someone will...that is what 'it' cannot stand. 'It's' only bit of power is to ignore you to make you feel 'small' once again because that is all 'it' knows how to do. Just remember this time you are the one holding the cards and you may just be the one who will unsettle their little world of respectability that they have created...