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Relationship I Initiated Space For My Ptsd Boyfriend Need Advice And Just Where To Go For The Future

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Thankyou @Sweetpea76 ..i do very much agree with you and he has not said he has wanted to break up or stopped contact with me im on day 4/8 of mind camp though longest time ive gone without contact to him so little hard and may be getting the better of me a little....im feeling a little more positive this forum has been so wonderful and also preparing me and im sure i will make some great friends through each and everyone of you. Many virtual hugs :hug: if accepted

im good friends with his room mates girlfriend also and ive had a chat with her tonight shes also made me feel a little better as shes around their alot her partner also has ptsd so its good talking to her about it aswell. And i mentioned this forum to help her if ever needed :)
 
Hi @shimmerz and @Santa_Laurie and @Sighs and @Sweetpea76 I'm feeling alot clearer today and i have been writing alot down i've got so much to talk about with my other. Im on day 5/8 would it be so bad if i got in contact with him earlier to see if i can come around saturday? I know you have mentioned the 8 days are important to keep the "space/Mind camp" and i really am trying to distract myself. i just dont know what he may think if i do. any advice?

:) Emz
 
Sigh! Wasn't the agreement 'no contact for 8 days'? Not, no physical contact for 8 days but on day 5 I can text you to arrange to meet on day 8?

Sorry @emz315 - I know the lack of contact is killing you, but you initiated it so I assume you chose the length of the "mind camp". My advice is stick to it. You are more than half way through. You're on the home stretch. Hang in there!
 
I fully agree with @Sighs here. You have set the time scale and for him the whole purpose of his mind camp will be jepordised if you break into it earlier than agreed. Both of you need this time. As sighs also says you are over the halfway stage, I know this is hard for you but please, stay strong and hang on in there.
 
@Sighs.... Homerun hey yeah your right just need to be stopped sometimes before i do. i know in the back of my head i shouldnt ring or text until sunday....just missing him.... ive got to remember also that it may not be a big deal to him..... i think he may be very shocked that i have lasted this long because he knows me :) stand my ground........:P
 
The things is @emz315 , if you contact him before the expected day you may well throw him down into a deep dark well. I have a phrase that all my peeps know. Do not, absolutely DO NOT, hit me out of left field with anything or the consequences are grave - it completely spins me around. Surprises can be so damaging (to me, you may want to check with your guy after this 'rest period').
 
Yeah his not much for surprises. I think he just accepts them sometimes because its from me and he doesnt like to see me upset even though it puts him in a whole different situation. I have been realising alot over the last few days. Its all okay i hit a comedy night tonight and i have been laughing. Distraction ;)
 
@shimmerz it was so nice to see him but still was not in a great place. No kiss but he did on the cheek.. just a tense cuddle after i asked. We talked for awhile he opened up a little about how i was better to leave Was trying to give me a perspective...but i just remembered what we were talking about on here etc.....Was very mixed emotions got very confused sometimes but we talked about it... he doesnt see the point because of the way his feeling right now...downward spiral of hell.... And said that i would be better off too go. I promised him if at any time i cant cope anymore and it gets too hard i would walk away... i think he felt relieved when i said that because he came around.. and said that if we just take it down a notch set some boundaries that we would only see each other on the weekends at the moment and text day on day off and one phone call during the week etc.... its hard because he doesnt see the point yet his willing to do that for me. We sat down for hours talking about stuff kept saying what i will gain being with him right now....he cant give me what i deserve right now because he has run out of juice..i said that he doesnt know what the next few weeks/months or whatever brings and just giving up on us should not be an option just because of his fear..he also said that there would maybe be regret on his end if i did just walk out of his life ....it was like he was giving me the option but wont do it himself... felt a little awkward after the chat but i think he may have been just burnt out from it. but we compromised talked boundaries and how he would keep trying even if it was hard for him.
 
We talked yesterday i gave him a call which was nice havent heard from him today hoping i do tomorrow though pretty sure i will day on day off etc etc blah blah blah
 
I can only speak of how it feels for me @emz315. I can relate to a ton of this stuff and can see in your posting that you are discombobulated as well.
because of the way his feeling right now...downward spiral of hell....
Stress this always....this phrase is important. Right now is just that. How about in the next 60 seconds. Can we interrupt this feeling for just that long? That means it doesn't own him.
And said that i would be better off too go
Don't ever let him speak for you. Never. Make it clear that only you speak for you. This will allow him to focus on his stuff and you on yours. This is so important. Stop him dead in this tendancy.
I promised him if at any time i cant cope anymore and it gets too hard i would walk away... i think he felt relieved when i said that because he came around..
You see? This is quote 2's remark in action. You relieved him of having to worry for you. We can't deal with our own decisions let alone someone else's.
if we just take it down a notch set some boundaries that we would only see each other on the weekends at the moment and text day on day off and one phone call during the week
Don't deviate from this. Direct it. Be it. Have him trust in it. He needs to trust.
because he has run out of juice..
So make it a priority to 'juice him up'. Let him know that is a priority and determine for yourselves what indicates that his juice is being replenished.
Make sure you are not losing juice at the same time. He is most likely worried that he is effecting your juice. Juice is key.
just because of his fear
Fear is the biggest, ugliest, scariest monster known to mankind. More frightening than you can imagine. This isn't a 'just'.

He is looking for external safety most likely as he doesn't feel it inside right now. That would be you I am guessing. Like a child, consistency, consistency, consistency. Schedule, patterns that repeat. Compassion and strength that this will all be okay when he is fearful. :hug::hug::hug::hug:
 
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