I just cannot, for the life of me, attach to anyone

[unbrokenn]

I just can’t attach to people dude it’s so bad
I’ve dated a lot of people, but every time they try hugging or kissing me I immediately pull away and break up with them. I’m not emotional at all either I just push them away and don’t tell them any trauma and then they want to know and I just close off more
I want to know if relationships are worth it but honestly, love is gross to me. Touch is gross to me. People are gross to me. After the stuff I’ve been through I’d expect that from myself, but I wish I could be normal like everyone else and have crushes. I just don’t. People like me but when they do I just become so repulsed I feel like I’m about to vomit. I don’t know if this will ever be fixed because I’ve always been like this for as long as I can remember. I’ve never had crushes. Never. I just find love so so gross and intrusive and I don’t know what’s wrong with me.

 

[somerandomguy]

So ... I hope this doesn't sound dismissive, but you're 17. It's totally OK to not be in a relationship at your age ... or any age, but definitely at your age it is totally OK to be single.

And even more so considering all the things you've been through. Try not to compare yourself to any of your peers. It's totally healthy for you to work on yourself before moving into any kind of a romantic relationship. You have a real head start on your issues by starting to work on them now. You have a great future ahead of you.

 

[unbrokenn]

So ... I hope this doesn't sound dismissive, but you're 17. It's totally OK to not be in a relationship at your age ... or any age, but definitely at your age it is totally OK to be single.

And even more so considering all the things you've been through. Try not to compare yourself to any of your peers. It's totally healthy for you to work on yourself before moving into any kind of a romantic relationship. You have a real head start on your issues by starting to work on them now. You have a great future ahead of you.

I know, but I wish I could have crushes or relate to my friends when they like someone. I just can’t. I feel different from my friends.

 

[Friday]

Maybe back up 500 steps?

First work on liking people and being okay with casual contact ...before jumping into love, crushing/lusting, physical affection, and commitment / attachment?

 

[unbrokenn]

Maybe back up 500 steps?

First work on liking people and being okay with casual contact before jumping into love, physical affection, and commitment / attachment?

The thought of even letting someone touch me makes me super disgusted

 

[Friday]

The thought of even letting someone touch me makes me super disgusted

Yep. So even that’s jumping in too deep. Back up even further. Because if even the thought of shaking hands with a stranger makes you ill? It’s too much, too soon. Keep backing up until you find an area you’re okay with.

Where you’re already okay? Is your starting point.

Working with a therapist FROM that starting point? Can gradually make anything you WANT to be okay, okay. You don’t have to become okay with anything you don’t want to. It’s not all or nothing. It’s startinf where you’re at, and moving towards where you want to go.

 

[unbrokenn]

Yep. So even that’s jumping in too deep. Back up even further. Because if even the thought of shaking hands with a stranger makes you ill? It’s too much, too soon. Keep backing up until you find an area you’re okay with.

Honestly what I’m ok with is asking someone about their day. If it gets to like hand shakes then I get tense.

 

[Deanna]

The thought of even letting someone touch me makes me super disgusted

You have to "try" touching before you can say you don't like it. But it really boils down for having strong feelings for someone, but first you have to be attracted or interested.

As Somerandomguy said..you're 17. Work on you first. As Friday said, work with a therapist.

 

[unbrokenn]

You have to "try" touching before you can say you don't like it. But it really boils down for having strong feelings for someone, but first you have to be attracted or interested.

As Somerandomguy said..you're 17. Work on you first. As Friday said, work with a therapist.

Believe me I’ve tried.my therapist has tried exposure therapy and legit I still just hate touch. The feeling just is bad to me idk why, I hate it and want to work on it.

I’ve dated before for romance sake (I was sexually abused so that’s off the table) but even touching like cuddles was way too much and it led me to break up with every single person

 

[Deanna]

Believe me I’ve tried.

You're not ready. Work with a therapist. You are a person and you're going to be around persons/people for the rest of your life. You'll have to deal with them.

dated before for romance sake (I was sexually abused so that’s off the table) but even touching like cuddles was way too much and it led me to break up with every single person

Most of us were sexually abused and half of us are are with other people today. You'll have to learn with a therapist. Relationships are very hard. They are hard enough without PTSD.

 

[unbrokenn]

You're not ready. Work with a therapist. You are a person and you're going to be around persons for the rest of your life. You'll have to deal with them.
Most of us were sexually abused and half of us are are with other people today. You'll have to learn with a therapist. Relationships are very hard. They are hard enough without PTSD.

Honestly you’re probably right. Like I guess I’m not alone which makes me feel slightly better. I think I’ll try to just not feel bad for not relating to friends in that way and kinda just work on me for a bit.

 

[Ronin]

The feeling just is bad to me

Ok, you can also figure different ways than touch in the meantime, too...

Because socially, yeah it can be rather cementing slash alienating not done, but you can totally get the same intent across without touching & all the :eek: attached.

Friendly raised hand, multi hand waves, shakey hands just in the air depending where youre at (say Deaf community has this super codified) for hello.
Head nods, smiles, what have you, for helloes.
The way you treat space, turn, move out of locales / distancing & posture, goodbyes.
Tone of voice, directness of looks, kind of the same open & honest & trustworthy someone people usually convey by showing empty hands.
The way you treat others in closer relationships, the timing, atmosphere... totally without touching.

Things like that... While things are bad, now? Dont have to be all bad, alone & in isolatey & self loathing land.

Reminds me... Socially, self identified asexuals & aspies may be a good crowd to talk with about all the :wtf: people & sexuality, what the hell???, while you work on it. Lots of flavors of seeing people out there and you might feel less as an odd ball?