I Just Learned That I Have Ptsd

[jumpy3523]

I just was diagnosed with PTSD. I didn't think that could be my problem, but the symptoms fit and I'm struggling to make sense of it all. I repressed a traumatic event in my childhood, but I was aware of others. I've always been extremely anxious and depressed and would panic for no known reason, and couldn't be around people. I've always had self-destructive tendencies and wondered what made me that way, and it made me feel even worse about myself. I’ve always suffered with this and never told anyone.

I recently got promoted, got married to a woman that I love tremendously, and got a house that is way beyond what I ever imagined I could. These things made me more depressed and feel like I'm not deserving and almost like I was living someone else’s life. I obsessed about my wife's past relationships and was afraid I was going to lose her. I worried all the time as I have throughout my life about various things with no reprieve. As soon as I settled on crisis in my mind, something new would replace it.

Someone very close to me revealed a traumatic event that happened to them right around the time we moved into the new house and I was so overwhelmed with fear, depression and anxiety that I lost my mind. I drank to the point of blackout and my self-destructive behavior was aimed and taking away my marriage, my job, our house - everything. I have since remembered my own similar childhood experience.

I never really dealt with that since, and I've been irritable and unhappy. I even started drinking again and got to the point that I was in full crisis again and still am. My daughter recently graduated and went to college, and that's benn very difficult. I really love my wife and kids and am very scared that if I can't figure this out I will lose them and my wife will never understand what is driving this - because I don't. Is this PTSD? If so, is this "normal"?. Can I get this under control before it's too late? and can I get to the point that I'm actually happy?

 

[BloomInWinter]

(((((jumpy)))))

Welcome to the forum. Great introduction!

May you find support, acceptance, and hope here and in real life.

Keep reading, sharing, and being kind to yourself.

 

[a3a2]

Yes, jumpy, you can get this figured out. Dump the booze and get a good therapist. I know you are really overwhelmed right now. One day at a time. One moment at a time.

 

[intothelight]

Hi Jumpy,

Welcome to the PTSD Forum. a3a2 is right that you need to get help with the drinking first. This is only way that therapy can be effective and you can start healing.

PTSD is overwhelming and we all do what we can to cope. There is a lot of information here that I think you might find helpful as you work on healing.

Wishing you the best.

Debbie

 

[Zipperhead]

Once you start dealing with the demons, I think things get better. I am in a better place now than 4 months ago. Today is going to hurt, but tommorow will come. Find a therapist, hopefully the right one, and hold on for the ride.

 

[jumpy3523]

Thanks for you support everyone. I'm determined to make the changes I need, I'm in a bad place right now but I feel like I already have a better understanding of what's been going on my whole life. I feel like if I can somehow weather this storm, there will be the peace I'm looking for at the other end. I have stopped drinking and I'm taking medication for the anxiety. I appreciate everyone's kind words and hope I can help others at some point the way you're helping me.