I Just Want To Be Normal.

[Cawuro]

To have lived a normal childhood and adulthood. To have normal reactions to stress or disappointment or fear or anger. To be a normal parent and spouse. To have a normal family (with parents). To have friends.

I just want to be normal... ish.

Not a freak who has moods all over the place and is half depressed throughout life even when on medication.

I don't want to fake smile but I don't want to look unhappy. I'm tired of pretending.

I want to live til I'm old but not this way.

I don't want this to be my life.

I want to start over but I can't. I can't choose who I was born to or what was done to me or not done for me growing up.

I don't want to feel lonely when I am not alone.

And I'm tired of carrying this giant boulder behind me everywhere I go.

 

[Ahad]

:( I know how you feel.

 

[Lare]

Is there really any normal?

 

[Vuzo]

What defines normal anyway...

Normal is what is socially accepted.

Yes I have issues and mental problems but I would prefer to be my weirdo self than normal. Yes sometimes I beat myself up for it but then I remind myself that those who are normal, don't dance around the house with a toy stuffed pig and laugh and have fun.. :woot:

they don't take notice of the wonderful world around them and stop for a moment in thier day to embrace the beauty of what is. The sun,the wind, the flowers, the sleet, the snow.

And if other people don't like it then bully for them.

Don't wallow in wishes that aren't going to come through, you can't change the past, focus on wishes you can make happen.

As few as they are there are people out there that will like you for everything you are..

Killa

 

[Hiwuhe]

I understand your pain. I have cried out this exact thing at night after night in my wife's lap. Normal is nothing but a fake standard pushed on society by the media and fashionistas. Look at all the girls throwing up in the bathroom and all the guys in the gym trying to get buff. Now, I am not saying that everyone is trying to fit into the status quo but it definitely has hurt us as a whole. I feel your pain. Yet, Vuzo is right. We can not try to make something happen that isn't so. You have to find what makes you happy, what your inner beauty is and push that out for others to see. It won't be easy and it might take a little bit, but I know you can do it.

 

[Hufobir]

I don't care about normal, I just don't want to be so alone and in so much pain.
-Stickler

 

[Usoju]

I feel exactly the same way, in fact my T knows I would rather be dead if things stay as they are. Nevertheless I am locked into getting better because the alternative is being dead, I know I will never get that, but will be improved. Perhaps in time I will see things differently. But for now I have to move forward, if I give up, I am sure my T will have me committed. So I can't even give up if I feel like it.

 

[Esah]

Lare & Vuzo,

You don't understand what the OP is saying. The OP has defined what they do/do not want to be/feel. Both of you seem to be hung up on the word normal and are neglecting the OPs pain. Essentially you're saying "hey, you should LOVE to have PTSD and be messed up!"

Maybe you should re-read the OP without the word "normal" as its tainting your perception. This is NOT about "its cool to not be normal". This is about not wanting PTSD and all its baggage.

 

[Wuseju]

I feel ya. I would love me some normal, too.

 

[Ewek]

What may look like people feeling and living normally, may not really be.

I think there's more people with pain and baggage then we think. It may not be ptsd or mental illness, but still a history of abuse or an internal disease etc. Im saying people strive to look normal and I suspect a lot of them aren't doing much better.

 

[Esacu]

Like l feel why did l get dumped into this shiitake pile. Why not a chance at life, at success, to have normal choices, parents who truly supported me, doors that opened into something besides sexual harassment, in the end just a little chance of some normal. I feel like l have walked through many lifetimes, and all the luggage l carry is breaking me apart.

 

[Cevil]

Like l feel why did l get dumped into this shiitake pile. Why not a chance at life, at success, to have normal choices,...

I hear you. I feel the same sometimes i feel like what fresh hell is coming next. Im exhausted with trrying so hard to just have a normal life with work and making friends or having a relationship. My current situ is ive had to move to some where were i know noboday for my safety and start again not easy at all