As an INTJ, I've had to work through compliments, too. It was also a 1st thing that came up. I think there's a proclivity to think through the compliment to assess its validity and sincerity vs. just being happy you got one in the first place. Like my mind was too fast off the mark analyzing the damn thing. Just be happy its there, and maybe analyze it later. Next stage is to skip analyzing it altogether and focus on the other person and their needs. Very hard to do when stressed, also.
I think PTSD and INTJ holds its own Pandora's Box of unique challenges.
This also goes for the daughter. I can relate to this as well. It's that to your body, she literally died. Your body doesn't know different. It's going to take patient reteaching from you to your body that relating to her won't set off all its alarm bells.
I suggest you hand her things, like a drink of water in the morning or at night, in concert with other people.
I struggle with feeling safe about loving contact. I notice when I disengage from petting my dog and feeling okay with it as a litmus test for how bad my stress level is and how my PTSD symptoms are. Like a barometer.
So I will combat that with handing them or taking and setting down a little cup of water for them at night, a cup of coffee in the morning while they're getting ready. This is a way of expressing love that doesn't set off alarms in my body and gently urges a sense of a bond.
Later, I make a point to tell her something that is good about her or I'm happy with that she did, and I don't chastise myself if I'm not in a hugging mood most of the time (too tense).
When I am in a hugging mood, I just go for it with her, even if she's not in the mood for a hug, because "damn it" I hardly ever am so she's getting one anyway.
That sort of thing. It's how I work my way into the TINY spaces where I feel like a parent and have to deliberately up my game.
You got this. That was REALLY bad, so baby steps here. I see this as exposure therapy to do as much as you can to increase Oxytocin while not jacking up the Cortisol and Adrenaline. Slowly, patiently, you tip the scale in your (and her) favor.
