I Know It's Irrational, But It Works.

[y5L]

Any time I receive any unsolicited or unwelcomed physical touch- someone I don't especially feel comfortable with gives me a high five, someone touches my hand when giving me change, tapping me to ask a question- I have to wash that area. Usually it's my hands, which is often simple enough to take care of quickly, but sometimes it's a little trickier.

Until I wash the area, it feels like that part of my skin is burning. It's like their touch was acid. And if the "affected area" comes in contact with another part of my body, that part starts burning too.

I know my skin isn't actually burning and I can remind myself of that while it's happening, but I can't make it stop feeling that way until I scrub it away.

I know this is tied to my trauma, so I'm hoping that as I grow in healing from the actual trauma, maybe this irrational reaction will diminish as well? What do you think?

 

[desiderata310]

Hope so. I am much the same way

 

[open eyes]

I used to have something like that too. Every time anyone touched me the area would start tingling & would go numb. It wouldn't stop until something distracted me enough to make me forget about it.

I only had a problem with it while I was repressing memories of my trauma & I guess it was sort of a manifestation of it. The feelings slowed down & eventually stopped once I started facing my past.

 

[y5L]

Thanks for sharing, @open eyes ! That has absolutely upped my hope.

I only remember fragments of the trauma, but I definitely haven't fully talked/worked through my thoughts and feelings with it yet. So I suppose that's what's next!

In the mean time, is it okay to just keep giving in to the compulsion or should I try to push myself to accept the reality that my hand is not burning?

 

[ghotiff]

I have a similar thing too.

Rather than push yourself (these are red flag words for me) how about seeing if you can get enough relief from an easier solution than washing. My thinking is that ideally the need goes away (assuming via therapy), but in the meantime it's symptom management that's needed. A easier to implement (less life impacting) solution may be helpful.

For example, if you rub the area, or hold your own hand over the area and visualise replacing the other persons residual touch energy with you own. Take the power back so to speak.

 

[open eyes]

@y5L If you're ready to take the next step, then it is time for you to accept reality. But it's also okay not to be ready if you don't think you're in a good place to deal with the past.