Relationship I know she's hurting,but i am too

[pinacoloda1]

how in the world do you live with a family member who has ptsd??
you never know when they're gonna "go off"!! it can be the littlest thing, you feel like you're
"walking on eggshells "every single day,you have to watch closely everything you say,its so exhausting!! and when the ptsd
victim is in total denial of how they're affecting you it's crazy!!
i myself have depression,anxiety
makes it that much worse!!
please someone advice??

 

[Sighs]

Its very very hard.

Who is the family member to you? Can you get some respite from the situation? Do you want to move out? If so, is that a financial / logistical possibility for you?

 

[pinacoloda1]

the family member is my full grown daughter. respite? not
really,maybe for one or two days
it's hard saying no to your little girl,especially when i know she's hurting a lot worse than me
(she was raped at thirteen,had a
baby at fourteen) never got counseling,now she's thirtyfive.
move out?? i wish i could just
disappear...but I'm sixtytwo,
not at all financially able. and
besides that would bring me tremendous feelings of guilt,i would feel as if i'm abandoning my child. one more thing..she's
my caregiver,i have no one else.

 

[Sweetpea76]

Is she getting any treatment?

 

[pinacoloda1]

no treatment that i know of
shes in total denial of the whole situation,sorta like "sweeping it under the rug" like the whole incident never happened...
gets very aggressive and angry even bringing the subject up
rants and raves...
i don't know,she's my daughter and i love her...

Is she getting any treatment?

 

[Sweetpea76]

Untreated PTSD is rough. You can't count on her changing her behavior. Nothing you do or say can help or fix her. You'll have to concentrate on yourself, and changes you can make. What needs to happen to improve the situation?

 

[pinacoloda1]

i think i need to talk with someone,let myself know I'm not alone. someone who will not just hear me but really listen.
someone who will support me,and not judge me for MY negative thoughts and/or feelings. when she is at her worst,or close to it,(which is most of the time),her words are like barbs..they hurt..especially when she goes off on a rant!!
how to deal with her many mood swings,that's the worst part,never knowing...

 

[Sweetpea76]

Probably the best thing to do is start setting boundaries, especially if she is verbally lashing out. You don't deserve to be berated on a daily basis.

When she starts in on you, do not engage. Just say "I love you, but I will not tolerate being yelled at etc., when you're ready to speak to me in a civilized fashion I'll be happy to listen". Then remove yourself from the situation. Do not argue or let her suck you in.

Boundaries are YOUR limit. You're not telling her "you can't yell at me", rather you're saying "if you yell, I will leave." That's 100% you're behavior. She has no say in what your boundaries are.

You can't engage when your PTSD sufferer is lashing out. It's like throwing gasoline on a fire. The best thing to do is shut it down and walk away. I know it sucks. My partner is a combat vet with PTSD, and he can lash out when his stress cup is full. Arguing doesn't work. Trying to defend yourself doesn't work. Trying to reason with him doesn't work. Crying doesn't work. What does work is setting my boundary and sticking to it.

 

[pinacoloda1]

wow thankyou so much!
that is exactly what i'll do!
because she is breaking me down little by little,and pretty soon there will be nothing left!

 

[pinacoloda1]

Probably the best thing to do is start setting boundaries, especially if she is verbally lashing out...

i can't imagine actually LIVING in the same house with someone who has this disorder! how do you cope with the barbed words,the hurt feelings that ensue,the eventual anger directed at that person??

 

[Sweetpea76]

He has received treatment in the past and is medicated. He also works at it. He has learned to manage some of his stressors. It's a process and takes a lot of work.

 

[Sighs]

I'm on anti-anxiety medication. It helps me to react less to his behaviour.