- Thread starter
- #13
Rose White
MyPTSD Pro
@Freida that’s wild that you can help me see that. Even though I’ve still got a wall up I hear your words and I understand them to be true, whether or not I can receive them yet, I believe them.
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And perhaps your loyalty to her makes for current cognitive dissonance?maybe the old you is the lie (you're at fault, you're bad, you deserve to be punished, blah blah) and that's what's shaking up inside? To make room for the true you?
I'm going off road to think about that. That's gonna need some bouncing around.And perhaps your loyalty to her makes for current cognitive dissonance?
Awwwwwww. Wada Ya Want?@Agita Kaput that is brilliant!
This is jumping out at me. Thinking about the snippy attitude that’s been emerging. Embarrassing to the lying parts.stress levels start rising, or my symptoms start spiking; the more black & white my reasoning is or knee jerks into? The more behaving myself = lying.
This very much strikes a cord. Yes. Reminds me of the concept of “scrupulosity”. I recognize that tendency in myself and see how it could be in play here. I’m seeing your point about nuance. I am reminded of when my marriage was ending and T encouraged me to lie to ex when I needed to. I did and felt progressively okay with it and eventually realized how much I had been lied to.As a kid I thought I had to choose one, to believe, or to act as if I believed it. That lead to the classic ADHD-Social-Oblivious-Ish-Ness (vs) ADHD-Wise-Beyond-Your-Years paradox.
This is quite grounding to think of it this way.learned it’s not a binary choice, but an incrediably complex interaction between what people presented & what they wanted others to do… based almost entirely off personality + “sense of occasion”.
Interesting! And also a bit of a surprise to see HFA and BPD linked, whether intentional or not. Never thought about the emotional disregulation present in those two. And to consider ADHD as stuck on the interplay of what is expected vs what I want is interesting.Some disorders -like HFA, or BPD- because they can’t see the interplay (on either end of the spectrum); whilst others -like ADHD- because of being bombarded by it.))
And tell her you'll not leave her behind.nope, not at all!
But here's the thing.
Before you wouldn't have been aware that it was a protector or what she was doing.
Now you can recognize it, thank it, and move forward
That's way past baby steps!
(mumbles under breath)... must a been processing my whole damn life.when it's like this (horrible, confusing, overwhelming), it usually means processing and healing is happening,
*Exactly* the VERY words I use to describe my Ketamine experience.This is one of those breakdown breakthroughs—break from normal. My brain is doing the etch-a-sketch shake, the reset, mixing up the puzzle pieces and telling me to do it again.