Relationship I Lost My Cool

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D

Deleted member 1860

I'm a bit confused by your story? You have only been in a relationship for 3 months but have already moved 400 miles to be closer to her yet she still needs to fly in from out of town? Can I ask how you met her? Did you meet her online? Do you know her outside of these two visits? I'm not trying to be intrusive, rather I'm trying to understand the bigger picture. There are other parts of your story that confuse me as well so I'm hoping you can clarify.
 

R.Quartz

Learning
I'm a bit confused by your story? You have only been in a relationship for 3 months but have already moved 400 miles to be closer to her yet she still needs to fly in from out of town? Can I ask how you met her? Did you meet her online? Do you know her outside of these two visits? I'm not trying to be intrusive, rather I'm trying to understand the bigger picture. There are other parts of your story that confuse me as well so I'm hoping you can clarify.

She lives out of state, but was visiting a friend last summer who lives near me. We met there and hit it off very well. It started with just phone communication and an occasional visit out to her place (out of state). But then I was visiting 2-3 times a month and it was getting to be where I felt that not only would it make it convenient to live closer to her, I could also save money because her area is significantly cheaper to live. I was at a point of transition for a number of others reasons as well, so I decided to give it a shot. For the remainder of this month, I'm paying rent at both places, and since the majority of my friends are still in my original location, I decided to be there for my birthday weekend, thus necessitating her to fly out.
 
D

Deleted member 1860

Ahh gotcha.

For awhile I was worried that maybe you had only met her in person twice---and I was going to warn you to be cautious. But, you know her a bit better than that.
 

R.Quartz

Learning
I'm not saying to give up on her, but it's worrisome that these negative patterns are emerging. Maybe encourage her to seek out a trauma therapist? Seeing someone who doesn't specialize in trauma is a waste of both time and money.

Agreed 100%. She and I are both on the same page that we both should see a qualified professional. She is on board with this idea; money has been a gating issue, but I'm willing to bear some of that burden for now if it helps us both out.
 
D

Deleted member 1860

If you need suggestions on how to find a trauma therapist, there is a lot of info here on the forum. I know it's not easy, and in some areas there are just so few of them. (I've always had to drive 1+ hour for my trauma therapy, and my psychiatrist is even further away).
 
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