Hi everyone!
I am a 43 yr old woman in the US. I don't really know where to begin my intro - I literally tried to "cheat" by reading through some of the others, hoping to find a pattern that I could follow. Needless to say, I didn't find one...so, this will probably be way too much info or not nearly enough - I don't know.
I was originally diagnosed 3 (or so) years ago following an assault. However, that was the first time I had been anywhere I could be officially diagnosed and I know this goes back way further (I don't even know that PTSD was a diagnosis when I first started experiencing it) - actually, I think my education worked against me because I knew the criteria, knew I had it, and knew I didn't want anyone knowing anything was wrong with me. However, through my brief time in therapy, my therapist believes I've had it since a childhood trauma - and it got worse after years of a seriously awful marriage (abusive), followed by relationships that were same song, different verse. I was able to sort of able to get myself better (or convince myself that my coping strategies were working), was high functioning, etc until that assault. Then, I completely lost my ability to cope with anything.
However, I started therapy and also had a sexual assault counselor (? not sure if that was what she really was - she went to the exam with me & then continued to do home visits for nearly 2 years but not sure what her official title or training was). During that time, I was coping enough to be able to meet my now-husband. I warned him before we even went on one date that I had PTSD & had been assaulted but this guy - who I am so incredibly fortunate to have - didn't waver with me. He even (very early on) experienced one of my freak outs & two weeks later when I finally contacted him again, he forgave my "crazy" (my word - not his) and we were able to move forward.
But, during my final therapy session (as in, I quit therapy right afterward), my therapist hit some major issues, I got mad at her, and I quit. That was probably about 2 years ago (a little less). For awhile, especially while the other lady was still making home visits, I was okay. I mean, I totally destroyed my business but otherwise, I/we were pretty okay. My husband had figured out how to determine if I was triggered and mostly was able to deal with it.
However, about 10 months ago, we had a fantastic opportunity to start a fresh life (inheritance) - and packed up everything we owned, made an offer on a house, and pulled up stakes. What we didn't know at the time (OMG we were so naive about all this) was that those type of things (inheritances) don't necessarily get released/resolved overnight. So, we put everything in storage and started waiting for it to happen. It's taken 10 months of basically being homeless (we didn't have any idea it would take so long or we could have found work, etc) - living with friends/family & me declining the entire time...particularly over the past few months where we stay in the same room my original (childhood) trauma & the assault took place. Now, everything has been released & I am completely paralysed emotionally & mentally. I can't even get in the d@mn car to go pick up all the paperwork & move forward with our lives! I mean - something so important & I can't even do that! After the last week of my husband gradually losing patience with me, I realized that we can't just wait for me to magically get better. So, I started doing some searching for self-help for PTSD & this issue specifically.
I originally found this site on my searches - and found people who were having trouble leaving their homes. I can - to go for walks with my service dog, my husband, and his dog - but, getting in a car or actually leaving town? OMG, I may as well want to fly to Mars! My husband literally told me yesterday that if I couldn't get this resolved he felt he had no choice but to hospitalize me.
I know small steps are important - and I know I can't really rush this but I also know that my most immediate concern is being able to make this "tiny" step to collect this money so we can leave this environment and start moving forward again. I promised my husband (and more importantly myself) that as soon as we found where we were going to settle I would find a therapist and get back in therapy. And, yes, I would even consider meds (if I had to) - today, however, I simply want to figure out how to walk out the door & get in a car!!
Anyway, I'm so thankful I found this site...it's so good to know that I'm not completely alone in what I'm experiencing.
I am a 43 yr old woman in the US. I don't really know where to begin my intro - I literally tried to "cheat" by reading through some of the others, hoping to find a pattern that I could follow. Needless to say, I didn't find one...so, this will probably be way too much info or not nearly enough - I don't know.
I was originally diagnosed 3 (or so) years ago following an assault. However, that was the first time I had been anywhere I could be officially diagnosed and I know this goes back way further (I don't even know that PTSD was a diagnosis when I first started experiencing it) - actually, I think my education worked against me because I knew the criteria, knew I had it, and knew I didn't want anyone knowing anything was wrong with me. However, through my brief time in therapy, my therapist believes I've had it since a childhood trauma - and it got worse after years of a seriously awful marriage (abusive), followed by relationships that were same song, different verse. I was able to sort of able to get myself better (or convince myself that my coping strategies were working), was high functioning, etc until that assault. Then, I completely lost my ability to cope with anything.
However, I started therapy and also had a sexual assault counselor (? not sure if that was what she really was - she went to the exam with me & then continued to do home visits for nearly 2 years but not sure what her official title or training was). During that time, I was coping enough to be able to meet my now-husband. I warned him before we even went on one date that I had PTSD & had been assaulted but this guy - who I am so incredibly fortunate to have - didn't waver with me. He even (very early on) experienced one of my freak outs & two weeks later when I finally contacted him again, he forgave my "crazy" (my word - not his) and we were able to move forward.
But, during my final therapy session (as in, I quit therapy right afterward), my therapist hit some major issues, I got mad at her, and I quit. That was probably about 2 years ago (a little less). For awhile, especially while the other lady was still making home visits, I was okay. I mean, I totally destroyed my business but otherwise, I/we were pretty okay. My husband had figured out how to determine if I was triggered and mostly was able to deal with it.
However, about 10 months ago, we had a fantastic opportunity to start a fresh life (inheritance) - and packed up everything we owned, made an offer on a house, and pulled up stakes. What we didn't know at the time (OMG we were so naive about all this) was that those type of things (inheritances) don't necessarily get released/resolved overnight. So, we put everything in storage and started waiting for it to happen. It's taken 10 months of basically being homeless (we didn't have any idea it would take so long or we could have found work, etc) - living with friends/family & me declining the entire time...particularly over the past few months where we stay in the same room my original (childhood) trauma & the assault took place. Now, everything has been released & I am completely paralysed emotionally & mentally. I can't even get in the d@mn car to go pick up all the paperwork & move forward with our lives! I mean - something so important & I can't even do that! After the last week of my husband gradually losing patience with me, I realized that we can't just wait for me to magically get better. So, I started doing some searching for self-help for PTSD & this issue specifically.
I originally found this site on my searches - and found people who were having trouble leaving their homes. I can - to go for walks with my service dog, my husband, and his dog - but, getting in a car or actually leaving town? OMG, I may as well want to fly to Mars! My husband literally told me yesterday that if I couldn't get this resolved he felt he had no choice but to hospitalize me.
I know small steps are important - and I know I can't really rush this but I also know that my most immediate concern is being able to make this "tiny" step to collect this money so we can leave this environment and start moving forward again. I promised my husband (and more importantly myself) that as soon as we found where we were going to settle I would find a therapist and get back in therapy. And, yes, I would even consider meds (if I had to) - today, however, I simply want to figure out how to walk out the door & get in a car!!
Anyway, I'm so thankful I found this site...it's so good to know that I'm not completely alone in what I'm experiencing.
