General I Need Guidance/ Advice

[thejewels]

I'm 22 years old. I've always been ignorant to PTSD because I've never had anyone close to me with this disorder, so I never thought about educating myself in this matter so this is all too new, I don't even know if im posting this in the right category.

Well don't want to drag this on too long, my boyfriend has PTSD, or so he told me. I met him on an on-line dating site and we hit it off right away, great connection and I just feel very strongly for him.

Its been three months now and I'm noticing some things just don't add up in his stories. I guess ill be a bit specific. When we first started talking he told me he was deployed to Afghanistan and he barely came back last year. It was really hard for him to open up to me but he told me he lost a really close friend out there, he told me he lost two toes off his feet and he said that he still remembers the first time he had to shoot someone. He told me he has nightmares every night and he hates and avoids sleeping because of this. I believed him because I figured why would anyone lie about these type of things.

The thing is though he flew me out to post in Kentucky not too long ago and I saw him barefoot for the first time ever, he has all his toes and no scars. Everyone keeps telling me I'm thinking too much but I mean that's a pretty big lie. It makes me wonder if everything else he said was a lie.

Does this have anything to do with PTSD? I don't want to be over dramatic but I've sometimes even doubted that he even has PTSD. Other than the nightmares I just notice repetitive stories like he tells me something right now and a few days later he'll tell me the same story, nothing changes but its as if he doesn't remember telling it to me. And a few intimacy issues that I won't get into.

Like a month ago he told me he was flying back to California because he was already done with his time in the army, but when he was out here his brother asked him how much longer till he gets out and he said 6 months, now he's saying 1 year and 6 months. Other than these things I've haven't caught him lying. But like I said im not too educated when it comes to this subject and I was hoping to get some insight.

The relationship is fresh and if he,s just been lying I'd rather end it now. I haven't confronted him about it because if this is part of the PTSD I wouldn't like to offend him or make him feel bad in any way.

Please help.

 

[lovenbliss]

If you are doubtful, end it. Lying about toes is a pretty big lie and a stupid one. If he's functioning enough to be in a job and his daily life is trouble-free then he knows he is lying. He probably just had an episode.

Important thing is you are a normal person. If you are not deeply in love with him, its better to end it now. Wait for more experienced members to tell you what to do.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Not only is he a liar but a pretty stupid one. There is so much wrong and red flags are going up for me. I think you should end it and save yourself and your sanity.

Who knows this guy really when he lies so blatantly? I wish you the best and I really hope you end it. Good luck. This is just my opinion based on personal experiences.

 

[Bilby]

I'm not sure why he would go to such lengths, as to tell a lie about losing two toes. Something isn't right if he is saying those kind of things, and I'm not sure it can necessarily be attributed to PTSD. It's not my experience that lying is a symptom of PTSD.

 

[Eleanor]

The way I see it: If he has PTSD then you should likely look for a better partner-prospect if you are not already "all in." It is not something a sensible person would sign up for. If he doesn't have PTSD he is just a liar - and that is a bad bet overall. And clearly, he lied, and in a way that doesn't seem to have anything to do with PTSD. My H has moderately bad dissociation and serious PTSD and he doesn't lie (he gets the interpretation of facts radically wrong when he is in an episode - but he tells the truth and knows the difference!)

I'm with gizmo - lots of red flags here. There's a lot of fish in the sea, jewel...

 

[ISupportHer]

Yes, red flags for me too.

I know, well I don't know, but I'd imagine it's hard to read all the advice to get out of the relationship. I will just say this. I think we all need to follow our instincts. The little hairs that raise on our necks, the eerie feeling that something is amiss. I will say that, without a doubt, I have seen many here over the past several years hold on because they don't want to see what they don't want to see.

Only YOU can make a determination. I will be a very difficult relationship if you have to spend it always being wary for untruths.

I wish the best for you.

ISH

 

[nursenurse]

My sufferer is an ex-marine, and I think the one thing most people who have served in the armed forces value is honesty, for the most part. My guy is nothing if not honest, and I value that more than anything. I would not tolerate lying from anyone under any circumstances. That is a deal breaker.

Your guy is a liar right out of the starting gate, and I would bet you my first born (my only child ) and my grand kids that it will not end there. He probably has something else besides PTSD. Move on. Just my opinion.

 

[discarded]

I agree with all of the above. If he has lied right from the start it will more than likely continue and the lies will get bigger and more complex. Get out now before you're in too deep. Is there any chance the person you conversed with on the internet and the one you actually met are 2 different people? Wouldn't be the first time someone has been scammed by meeting people over the internet. Just a thought.

 

[amethist]

Trust is a big part of a relationship to me. So if you can't trust him to be honest now, how are you going to feel a few weeks, months or even years down the line.

Your calling him already on some stupid issues, so how are you going to feel when the the bigger ones come out.

I would tread very carefully before you get any deeper in.

For you own sanity.