I Need Help, I Can't Stop Worrying

[Annie B]

It is 1 a.m. and I can't sleep because of the radon I am sure is slowly killing my family. It hasn't been tested but I know it is there. My house is falling apart and I wouldn't be able to afford to fix the problem if a test does come back positive. Thing is, I can't do anything about it right now and it is silly to worry. Yesterday I didn't even consider that radon could be a problem. Today I am convinced that I will get lung cancer, if I don't have it already. Even worse, what about my baby?!

The irritating part is that I'm not dumb. I am a rational an non-emotional person. I know what is happening to my brain. I just can't turn off the worry. It is making me physically I'll. and since I know it won't stop I'm going to have to test my house now. And when it comes back positive I will be compelled to prioritize that over replacing the leaking roof and paying off my taxes. It's a never ending cycle. Always on high alert. It is maddening. I just want to take my husband and baby somewhere safe, but nowhere is safe.

Does anyone have any tips on dealing with this intense obsessive worrying? I just want to cry into my pillow, throw something and just pack my bags. I would move tomorrow if it helped. I just need help in a bad way, thanks for listening...

 

[digger]

Can I ask why you think radon is present in your house?

Are you seeing anyone to help with the anxiety? Have you spoken to your doctor about it?

 

[Hashi]

I'm answering on the assumption that this is all coming from obsessive worrying and you have no real reason to think there is a radon problem. Is that right?

If so, I really recommend you get help for the obsessive worrying. Your brain can change if you work on this. It's really hard, but my experience is that if you don't address it, it will get worse. If you do address it, it really can get better. Your brain has been changing in one direction. It can equally change in another direction - recovery from this.

I have no idea if you have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, but I think the techniques used to recover from that would be helpful if you have any kind of obsessive worrying. I've found Jeffrey Schwarz's four steps really helpful, although I had to adapt them slightly. I posted about them here: https://www.myptsd.com/threads/experiences-of-progress-with-obsessive-compulsive-disorder-ocd.36341/

I understand that right now probably all you can think about is the radon (or the lung cancer, or other specific worries). However, if you're going to put time, effort and money into something then it needs to be the general issues of anxiety and worrying. Not spending on radon testing (unless there's a valid reason to - other people can give you a reality check on this).

The real issue isn't radon, and it isn't even your anxieties about radon - it's your anxiety in general. Please seek help for it, and look at self-help things that you can do. Don't get caught up in the symptoms, because if you do manage to deal with one there will only be another one to take its place. It's the cause that you need to work on, that's where you can make the changes and you can become free of these symptoms.

 

[The Albatross]

Whether or not your home is repairable is really not the issue should a test come back positive. Radon tests are inexpensive. I had one in my own home and was very surprised by the result. Very low when compared to newer construction which uses a lot more composite materials.

To me the obvious thing to shut down the worrying is to test. Then go from there. Prices vary in range... but it is a small price to pay for perhaps some peace of mind.

By hitting the area of concern directly, and eliminating possibilities... I can give myself facts to work with. Take the action that you need if it is necessary to get the facts.

 

[eav]

Hugs. Having a baby made me worry about all kinds of things...including radon. I had so many fire, smoke and carbon monoxide detectors in the house, I almost had a home birth with my second child because one of them was beeping with a low battery and I had so many I couldn't find it! Worrying gets a lot worse when you have a small child. The only thing that works for me is to distract myself as much as possible, which can be hard to do when I'm worrying. Go out of the house and do something you enjoy, with a friend, if you can. Joining a playgroup really helped me, being around other moms helps.

 

[Annie B]

Thanks people! Yea the issue isn't radon, my house is probably fine, I was just obsessing and I'm ok now. I have a test kit that I'm going to use today anyway even though I'm not as worried about it now that it is a new day. It is just good practice.

What I probably didn't emphasize is the fact that if it's not radon it is always something else. I will see some slight risk of disease, pain and death to my family and if I can't fix the problem I will start to panic. If I can't occupy my brain in time it will take over like it did last night. It can be crippling. The two halves of my brain (logical and broken) fight constantly. Since I'm always in fight or flight mode the broken part is seeing threats in everything. It gets me thinking about doom scenarios so I can prepare for them.The rational side just gets frustrated. Haha.

When this first started a few years ago I could take my mind off of it by going to work or just laughing it off until a wave of depression hit me. I would wade through that for a bit then come out of it (not a soul would have any clue something was wrong) and the cycle would begin again. I could go months without my rational side losing the battle. Anxiety wasn't as much of an issue as it is now.

But then I had my baby. I used to figure I was going to die young anyway (thanks PTSD) but I wasn't very anxious about it. I learned to live with it, accept my fate and just get out there and pack as much life in as possible. But now that I have a family who needs me I just don't want to accept a short life, I can't. I'm not ready for another even bigger loss and it scares me. I worry about my son more often and intensely than I think a normal person does or should.The worry was always there to some degree but now I get anxiety when I never really did before. I don't work currently (staying home with baby)so now my home and son's well being are my biggest concerns. My job used to give me some sense of control to regulate and keep the fear and hyper awareness in check (I was in upper level management). But now my job is managing something I have very little control over. I do the best I can but nothing is ever done- laundry will always be back , dishes too. My son will still cry from time to time. I never feel a sense of completion or achievement. I see my house's flaws, I can't fix them immediately and they get magnified to an absurd degree. That never happened at work, sigh. Don't misunderstand, LOVE being at home with my son. Working was my coping mechanism. I need a new one!

So I guess that really is my issue. How do I train my brain to stop fearing what is out of my control? How do I pull myself out of fight or flight mode? I'm a shell of the person I used to be.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Hi,
I have not been diagnosed with OCD but my obsessive thoughts push me to the edge. So yes, I know how bad they can be!

For the longest time, people were telling me that because I was so symptomatic, that I needed more trauma work. My gut said they were wrong, as I've done tons of processing already.

Trying to manage my obsessive thoughts with skills only got me so far. Most people just thought I wasn't trying hard enough or that I was weak. I got to a breaking point and decided I needed medication again. It was the best decision I could have made. Now my obsessive thinking is down to a controllable level. I realize that I couldn't "skill" my way out of it any more than a diabetic can "think" their blood sugar down to the proper level.

Have you tried medication yet?

 

[Annie B]

Solara: No medication. I've tried some different kinds for depression years ago but it was terrifying. I will never ever do it again. I guess I have to cope the old fashioned way :)

 

[eav]

Do you have a therapist to talk to? I struggle with the same things...cleaning house with kids (especially babies) is like shoveling snow in a snowstorm! Staying home with a baby is very stressful by itself, and dealing with PTSD and anxiety makes it so much worse. Control is such a big issue for me, too. It is good that you are recognizing and acknowledging what is going on. When my kids were little, I didn't even leave them with babysitters (EVER) because I was so afraid something would happen. I got so exhausted, which made the anxiety worse. Looking back, I wish I had not been in denial and actively looked for help back when they were little.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I thought the same thing, that I'd never go in medication again. However, you've only tried one class of meds (I'm assuming as you say they were to treat depression) and you're generalizing your experience to all classes of psych meds which may not be a good idea.

I can't take antidepressants either as they make me worse. But, antidepressants only work on seratonin and possibly norepinephrine levels. I am taking a medication that works on dopamine, and from what little research I've done, it seems that incorrect dopamine levels may be to blame for obsessive thoughts in some people. I find this to be true with me.

I say all of this because I hate to see another person suffer.

 

[Britt.f7]

The old fashioned way? Trust me, they used drugs then. Some are illegal now. But that's beside the point. It's the worry that is stressing you. If meds aren't for you, there are other ways. Visual imagery, yoga, things like that. Therapy. I'm a worrier, for the most part. Come from a long line of worriers. I use to think that I was going to die young, but I wasn't worried about that(not even when I had children), now I'm three years short of fifty. Since the day my son came home I was fearful that he was going to die in a car accident. Now he's of driving age. I've had to talk myself down many times, plus I don't want him to feel my anxiety.

I hope you can find something that works for you.

 

[Annie B]

Haha right you are about old fashioned. I come from a long line of people with substance abuse problems so I've always avoided meds of all kinds. Call it a quirk. they don't acknowledge or talk about issues either- I guess if anything is old-fashioned, avoiding all talk of mental illness is. ;)

Yoga is great! I was doing it daily for a while but the baby's schedule changed and I can't seem to squeeze it in. Being active in some way is definitely a priority! Totally helps a lot of things and I recommend that to everyone with or without issues.

I so appreciate you all sharing your experiences and wisdom with me. I grew up in an environment that discouraged gratuitous expressions of emotion. Particularly negative emotions- only my mom could express herself freely, no one else. My sister and I weren't allowed to be sad ever, but my brothers could to an extent for a variety of reasons. That's a story for another day though. So emotions are a huge challenge for me. I struggle to identify what exactly I'm feeling (other than happy of course) and even more so to actively "do" them, let alone talk about them! I prefer to shove uncomfortable negative emotions aside and pretend they aren't there and deal with them quietly in my own time. Obviously that isn't working, since they run rampant in my head and drive me crazy! So I am truly grateful to have a place where I can at least try to express myself without fear of people thinking I'm weak or weird or "dramatic." I so appreciate the positive feedback and support I have received thus far. :)