I Need Help With Helping My Boyfriend.

[Tryingtohelp0308]

Hello, I am new here.

I've always known what PTSD was, but was pretty ignorant as to who could get it. I truthfully thought it was only a thing of ex-military personal, and people who suffered things like war camps, brutal rape etc.

I've been in a relationship for 9 months, and up until the last 2-3 it was smooth sailing. I recently learned my boyfriend suffers from PTSD. As well as depression. And only recently learned the symptoms of PTSD. For the longest time I thought he was bored with me. But, talking to his mom, she told me his childhood, bringing up, and trauma, and reassured me he doesn't want to break up with me at all.

However, it's been a week since I've heard from him directly.
I have no idea how to help him. He's attempted to kill himself. He's not eating, he's been in his room for weeks on end, and is pushing me away. He's angry and violent with the people who try to push themselves onto him right now too. He's refusing to go back to counseling, and no longer wants to take medication...

I love him beyond words and would walk through and hell and back, and do absolutely anything for him, which is why I am so stressed right now, because I feel like a useless lover. I have no idea how to approach this. His mom said to just walk away, and let him come back to me.. But I'm also overly concerned for his well being and life at this point. I thought maybe coming to a thread like this, people who actually suffer from this, who have first hand experience could help...

I don't know what to do. I don't want to lay this relationship to rest. He said I'm the only thing that's ever gone right in his life, and I wouldn't want to push him to the end by leaving him (nor do I even want to leave him). Out of every relationship I had, this is the only one I ever see a future with. When he's not having episodes (I'm not sure if that's even what you call it) he is such a gentle soul, and an amazing lover.

I only want to help him, but like I said, I'm completely oblivious and ignorant to PTSD.

TIA.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

You can't make him get help. You can't make him better. There is nothing you can do to fix him. The only thing that you can do for him is to support him, and oftentimes with ptsd that means just letting the person be.

My advice? I honestly don't think that untreated people with PTSD should be in relationships PERIOD. I'm not saying this to be mean, rather I know what its like to be on the inside. The worst of the behavior doesn't deserve to be put upon anybody, number one, and number two, someone who is that symptomatic really has no time for a relationship as the time spent on a relationship is better spent on self healing.

He may very well have to hit rock bottom. For some of us, that is losing all of our loved ones before knowing the behavior has to change, for others (myself included) it is a near death experience.

I understand that you don't want to give up on this guy, but until he is willing to put in the effort to change, then you must accept him as is, and ask yourself if you can live like this for the rest of your life. My guess is no.... Again, I'm not trying to be harsh, but there is a world of difference between someone with PTSD and someone with PTSD who is actively working on healing and changing and growing to become a better person.

I wish you the best.

 

[Justmehere]

I'm guessing you are both young? He is still perhaps living with his parents?

I think one of the best things you can do is to tell him you will be there for him once he gets back into treatment, and then to give him all the space in the world until he does.

Right now, not getting treatment is "working" for him more than getting treatment.

You mention he is being violent - and whatever the reason and to whomever it is, it's not good to tolerate such a person in your life who is acting out this way while refusing help. I suggest reading up on codependency and how to have healthy boundaries. It could help both of you a lot for you to keep strong boundaries.

He is lucky to have someone who loves him so much. This sounds like it is a situation where he needs you to love him enough to let him go for now.

So sorry for what you are both dealing with.