I Need Some Ideas From Others

[Friday]

How much do you trust yourself?

 

[Deleted member 35429]

I'm afraid of people that don't trust others because I assume that means they themselves aren't trustworthy. I think I see people the way I see myself, which is coming from a good place. It's easy for me to trust people because my own intentions are always good.

If you don't trust people and think they are bad, is that because you yourself aren't trustworthy and have ill intentions?

I'm saddened to read all of the people above have such negative feelings of mistrust towards their fellow man. I had no idea that negativity was so pervasive.

 

[desiderata310]

How much do you trust yourself?

Reading through the post but that's a very good question since I'm dealing with this very issue of trust-specifically with my therapist.
How much do I trust MYSELF? I don't. I've been a terrible judge of people.

 

[Friday]

. I had no idea that negativity was so pervasive.

It's hardly without cause. People don't get PTSD from the milk of human kindness.

 

[Friday]

@desiderata310

Ditto. When I'm working on trusting others? First order of business is working on trust exercises with myself. I have to be able to -most basically- trust that if everything goes pear shaped? I'll be able to sort it. The less I trust myself? Physically, mentally, emotionally, socially... The less I'm able to extend any trust out wards.

I can love people, without loving myself... But trust? Pfft. If I don't trust myself I don't trust anyone.

 

[Starsinthesky]

For me, my ability to trust grows as I find trust in myself. I am finding that by working on self compassion and self love. Kind of like having my own back. It's a very long road for me though. I'm also reading around codependency as one of the parts of recovery from that is about learning to trust those who are trustworthy. What grayowl said about not wagering more than I can afford to lose is very meaningful - I am still learning my own boundaries and needs though so it's tricky but I'm on the right track.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

I'm afraid of people that don't trust others because I assume that means they themselves aren't trustwort...

@Orion No quite the opposite, I see myself as very trustworthy, and I would rather die than have any ill intentions against someone else. Those are some of the few positive core values I have. I guess the few positive core values is what I am able to function around and keep me going all these years.

My distrust is centered around being hurt, abused, harmed, or mistreated and the fact that I have saw nothing but betrayal, which include the very people who by federal law had a mandate to protect me, and instead when I told them about my abuse, the just told me they would do nothing about the abuse and to live with it. This was dept of social services who had a duty to investigate and protect me, instead they were a party to the abuse. I was not the only one, the place I was at when my abuse occurred was shut down with criminal felony child abuse and neglect charges after the murder of Tammy Agee, and DSS claimed they did not know the abuse was going on.

So if I can't trust the very people who have a duty to protect me, you can see why I have such severe trust issues. I was stuck where I had to endure all 3 forms of abuse and there was not one I could go to for help, because I did repeatedly with different entities and was betrayed, "I can never feel that anybody I put any trust into won't betray me at some point."

This thread has helped me however, as that last sentence in the paragraph about as it is worded really defines the problem.

 

[Deleted member 35429]

@Orion No quite the opposite, I see myself as very trustworthy, and I wou...

Well that all sounds like immense betrayal. I think it's great that you still feel like your own intentions are pure and good.

I am a bit warped on this I think. I think this is part of my split. My trauma definitely caused a split in me and think all the damage and hurt stayed with 'her.' Adult me is able to see the world and people as good. 'She' definitely doesn't trust others but she isn't around very much anymore. I suppose if I were more integrated I would feel this pervasive sense of mistrust. The more I understand dissociation/amnesia/splitting the more grateful I am for it. It's been a wonderful coping mechanism for me. I've lived well because of it.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

I am thankful I don't have DID from all this, I do have disassociation with depersonalization, and derealization, and sometimes loss of time, or memory, but they are the exception. So I think I am right on the border. I am getting a good understanding of this stuff, and what I need to do, doing it is the hard part.

 

[The Albatross]

I had a mentor/peer who would challenge me to learn how to and when to take "calculated risks". Eventually it was a good course of action because in due time the present or new experiences over wrote the old fear based stuff. It was not perfect, but with guidance and over term a whole lot can be learned by the practice of it.

I started small... practice, patience, persistence, perseverance... it normalized. Each time something normalized for a good long while I would choose something to increase minimally the "risk" of trusting... and develop the habit of having a mindful plan/strategy. It really helped me a lot.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

@The Albatross That's sort of where I am at now, were looking for ways towards rebuilding trust in others which is a first step to changing core values and beliefs.

 

[Lola Nocheprieta]

I like your term, @The Albatross, "calculated risk." You can assess the people in your life, and start with someone who seems to have demonstrated something either trustworthy, or at least honest, kind, compassionate. And then start with a very little, low stakes kind of thing to trust them with. Don't start with the big, bad scary, high-stakes, high-disclosure type of trust. I've made that mistake in the past, and it's painful when people say you are "too much" for them, too depressing, too needy, too intense, too damaged. Knowing who to trust and what to trust them with is a skill that can be learned, although it can be hard. Working out a plan, sort of a "scientific experiment" with your T sounds like a good place to start. Good luck!