I Need Some Support

[Tkitty]

Im afraid of being alone, and my significant other has to leave for work on Thursdays. He work's from home the rest of the week. I have CPTSD and I have to take care of my children. We usually split the work and things work out just fine.

Unfortunately this week, I have an anniversary date of beings sexually assaulted badly.
I been having nightmares all week, and i struggle to sleep. I have to be alone for a whole day, and normally that would be fine, but because of the impending anniversary date I feel like a basket case.
Any aches and pains from grinding my teeth, or digestive issue give me intense fear. I keep thinking i'm going to die. Even thought normally I would just ignore it. I find myself jumping at noises and any annoying sounds.
I just lost my therapist and became unemployed. I going to school but it dosent start for another month or so, and I don't know how to get through the day without the care a support of my significant other.
I know its silly, but being alone is a trigger for me. Usually one that I can deal with, but because of the anniversary date, I find it hard to focus. I feel like im going to cry when I think of being alone. what do I do the entire day, while I take care of my other family members? how do I keep myself from falling apart? what do you do to find the strength to get thought the day?

 

[Sideways]

Having just worked my way out of an anniversary period, I totally hear you with how much that can turn everything around. And no matter how much I tried to remind myself it's just another day - honestly? I was a mess.

What got me through it in the end was actually abandoning the "It's just another day" thing, and turning that on its head. I started reminding myself that actually, it's not "just another day" - maybe one day it won't be significant anymore, but clearly this year, it's still significant.

That mindset basically gave me permission to not cope perfectly. Instead, it became okay that my mood was down, my anxiety was up, and I wasn't functioning the way I ordinarily would. Other days I might be able to get heaps done, but for the anniversary, I lowered my expectations, and made more time to just look after myself.

Connecting with people who felt safe was also important. That might be on this forum, it may be asking hubby to call every so often, it may be camping out in the kids room. If you can give yourself permission to feel lousy today, would that help?

The one sure thing is that the anniversary will pass. The anxiety that has gone up will come down again. In the meantime, be gentle with yourself. You don't need to be perfect today, and anything you can do to draw your mind away from it for even short periods will help the time pass.

Time is our friend with anniversaries. Even though it moves slowly, it can't stop moving. It is absolutely certain that things won't stay this way.

 

[ladee]

I am So sorry. Anniversaries are so difficult to get thru.
Do you have a friend you could call to spend the day with you?
Do you have certain grounding techniques you can use when you need them?
I think if it were me...I would have a Crisis Hot Line number handy to use if I needed it.
I would try to have some things planned.
Don't know what you are interested in but possibly have some things handy ,something simple, that you can get to easily.
Do you like music or have meditation music you like?
Things along that line.
Even if you only use them for short periods it can help distract.
I am by no means trying to minimize your feelings. But self care is very important on anniversary times.
A lot of self talk..even if you don't believe it...I am safe. Hearing your own voice..repeating something soothing.
Nothing elaborate or complex. Just simple things even if you jump from one to another.
Have some things planned. Even if you don't do them..they are there.
Remind yourself how absolutely brave you are. Doesn't mean you aren't scared or anxious..it means you are facing a very rough day and you are going to make it thru.
If you need to cry..cry.
Just keep yourself safe.
Gentle hugs if you accept.

Also.. Come here and talk..we are listening

 

[Tkitty]

Thank you all so much!

 

[trauma_deer]

I'm listening too :) I'm sorry you are going through this. I agree with the above posts. It is an emotionally wrought time! it's probably best to have a good cry if you need one because it is very calming. And also, finding things that you like to do - to sooth yourself. I like being in the sun & garden, soft music, breathing very deeply into the gut, smiling (it's impossible not to smile if you have a pencil in your teeth - crazy i know but it helps). Keeping your shoulder ups, lifting you chin, holding that pose for a good while. Shoulder massage. Also, sitting with your arms crossed behind your head for a while helps your body to trick your mind into feeling safe. As does standing like a star, feet apart & arms outstretched. Sounds so silly right? People don't tend to stand like this when they feel helpless, usually we curl up. People make that pose when they are super happy or victorious. it's amazing the signals our body sends to the brain. These are just some tools i'm picking up along the way. Maybe you like aroma, art, playing an instrument? The ability to self sooth is truly a beautiful thing. Hugs