I Need Support And Validation

[Deleted member 12723]

@The Albatross I tried earlier to make a therapy appointment but had to hang up because it was taking so long and I had things to do today. I do not see a future with my daughter at all. She is furious at me and now her daughters friend is not speaking to me and is mad at me too. Unless by some miracle, the girls want contact with my, it will be when they turn eighteen years old. But thanks anyway.

@TXbandit Thanks for the kind and supportive words and hugs. It means so much to me. Today I feel sick to my stomach.

@shimmerz me too. I believe that there is a reason for everything and I hope that I find out what lessons I am supposed to be learning now. I feel so sick to my stomach over this one.

I knew that there would be trouble if I did this and so I am not surprised. The good thing is that this is the second report against them. It is on record if anything else happens and my oldest granddaughter reports the thing herself.

I will miss them so much and want to send them presents and letters but I do not know if my daughter will allow the kids to have them. I am pretty sure she swiped my number off of my youngest granddaughter by now.

I have turned others in and I even called a 5150 on my daughter when she was very drunk. I do not trust her at all anymore and as far as I am concerned she is an abusive mom in my eyes now.

 

[WillyKat]

Wow! You can have all the validation I can give you. Hang tough my friend. You did right.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Thank you so much @wilykat I will hang tough in this situation. Thank you for telling me that I did right. I know in my heart that I did the right thing for the girls. I am feeling stronger now. Mabe it will scare them not to do those things to my oldest granddaughter. I wish.

 

[ghotiff]

Maybe this helps

When I was a child my grandma noticed things and spoke to my mum. Nothing came from it (mums denial) and I'm pretty sure at the time I resented (was frightened of) my grandma saying things.

As an adult I draw comfort from the fact that grandma cared enough about me to try and help. Almost everyone else chose the easier path of denial.

My grandma died msny years ago and I never had this conversation with her, so may I have it with you by proxy.

Dear grandma, at the time it scared me, it didn't change anything, and we never spoke of it...but...thank you for being in my corner, thank you for caring enough about me to risk so much for me. As an adult now, knowing how many people knew and who did nothing, I am so grateful that you did do something, I am so grateful that you saw me and that you valued me. I love you.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

@ghotiff I am so deeply touched by your words to your grandma through me. Thank you so very much. Your words helped to heal some scorched places inside of my heart. I am only at the beginning of this season in the transitional space I find myself in now.

I have to start all over and with so much grief it will take me awhile to heal and recover so I can move forwards.

You really touched my heart deep inside of me. Bless you.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Thank you purple munchkin and dear @Spiderallis I so appreciate the offer and mabe that is what I should be doing. I will have to think on this one.

I have been so blind to so many things and my eyes are opened now. I am glad I made the report and sent the police to their house. I have more of a understanding about my granddaughters need to survive and live in that family. A forum friend pointed out that my oldest granddaughter is the scapegoat. I have been so blind but I am having my eyes opened now.

I hope that the Indio police dept. is sill investigating the situation and my report just added more weight. I did notice that my daughter did not defend herself nor did she deny it either.

I uncovered a big secret and broke the silence and that creates change even though my granddaughter suffers for this.

My daughter in order to protect herself will keep the girls away from me because I am a threat to them both.

That explains why my daughter feels betrayed.

What sickens me is that my daughter used to be a dispatcher for the police department so the cops look out for one of their own.

I so appreciate everyones feedback and support and validation for reporting this crime. I have simply become a threat to them one they have to stay away from.

 

[Ellabella44]

Sorry this going on gizmo. You are trying to help and my grandmother did not. I was told my mother's parents refused to take us in and get us out of that situation.

So thank you for trying. Maybe later the girls will thank you for trying and hopefully things will get better soon.

 

[The Albatross]

You do not need Giz to excuse by saying "I tried earlier to make a therapy appointment but had to hang up because it was taking so long and I had things to do today.“ If you see no future with your daughter, that is okay.

I think though that rather than shunt angst off to the police department or the responding officers... I'd keep the issue where it lays... between whatever may be occurring in the home and Ez's denial of the incident and her drug abuse. But it is understandable to at times shift thinking away from people that we love.

 

[Ronin]

You're protecting her against people that are threat to her life.

You're doing the right thing in the steps you're taking to protect her. Feeling betrayed isn't being betrayed. You're having her back in a way she's unable to see, due to her current position. Not her fault, but also not yours.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Thank you @Ellabella44 for sharing your experience with me. I really appreciated this so much. I cannot pretend this one away and at least in my heart I know that I did the right thing.

@The Albatross I am still going to make a therapy appointment today.

Thank you @Cashew I so appreciated what you said to me. That helped so much. I know in my heart that I did the right thing and having some distance from my daughter and her boyfriend seems right to me. My daughter has a trail of broken relationships because she keeps on choosing violent men and I have stood by and bailed her out over and over and I am not going to turn a blind eye this time.

I understand the cost to me and I am hurting but I think by taking a stand i did the right thing.

It is a wake up call for my daughter and when this relationship falls apart my daughter will be on her own. I refuse to enable this kind of abuse of her older daughter who she and her boyfriend are scapegoating.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I just got off the phone and I had made an intake appointment to get me back into therapy. This thing that has happened is too big for me to deal with alone by myself.

I am feeling better for making the appointment and look forward to being back in therapy again.

I do not know what the future holds and I know that I did the best I could with the information I had.

All I know is that I am out of the middle between my daughter and granddaughter and I need this one for me.

I am feeling better because it is the what ifs and other cognitive distortions that cause the hurting so badly. It sets me on a downward spiral and I do not need or want to do that.

I will be kind and gentle with me. I do not know what else to do. I have realized how dysfunctional my family is and I am so glad that the whole rotten structure finally collapsed.

I have so much to think about right now so I will tend to my own life.

 

[Chincho]

I feel everything has been said dear Gizmo. I wish I had a grandmother like you. You are my hero. Hugs!