Military I Need To Calm Away From Calm.

[Ronin]

Hey all.

So I been stuck in biit of a state for a few days and then some and need to figure out how to move from it.

Because stuck at this one is badlands.

Issue is, I'm calm. Extremely not giving a f*ck for other things, at least not feeling it, I just remember what I'm *supposed* to feel so go by that // relations don't dissappear just because I'm off it, thing.

What triggered this particular spell is anniversaries (kidnap + other funs, death of kids a few years before then, release from held yet before then) and a few seriously sick friends very dear to me (current, on the clear out). Legal stuff about operational nonsense.

Plus maybe a few threats of wee bit of a harm as in those situations, I tldr laughed into their faces and decided I don't give a f*ck because I refuse to be manipulated by my body like that. (Work somewhen between sick dears + legal).

And the calm I'm at is not good.
So far I just figured I won't isolate, drive, fly, nor drink. Thought upholding normal healthy routines will break the eerie but it isn't doing it.

Prolly making a big deal outta nuthing, but still thought I'd ask. Thanks.

 

[Friday]

It’s the calm before the storm, yeah? Everything held in reserve. Not a ripple to mar the surface. Slow is smooth, smooth is fast, fast is lethal.

I need to unclip my leash a bit. Waste some energy, because it’s right to, nothing is on, right now. Don’t need to cool it, coil it, save it for later. Don’t need to harden up. Don’t need to conserve every available bit of energy. No lazy smiles and half lidded eyes and purring voice.... but time to bring out the loud. Because loud is home. Games are home. Turn everything I can into a game. If I have to move silently, because have to? Dance. Sing out. Hot showers. Clean sheets. Big fires/lights on. Running lights. Music playing. All the little things, if I can’t pull on the big things to reeeeeally sink my teeth into blowing off some steam.

More, for sure, but I’m a bit wrecked at the moment and wanted to at least get this up there.

 

[Warrior Chicken]

I been stuck in the badlands lately, since beginning of November but maybe before that. Hard to track it when you’re in it. Get up, plod on, set your paces out and go, autopilot.
I know the calm you mention, where in the current environment you hear complaints and have nothing for them. Violence, for me, that digs in, but there’s restraint. Faithful friend.

Got numb? Can sell that by the case load. For me, that’s the calm. It’s the absence of everything. Pretend what others want, but blank inside. Think about anniversaries and triggers, but that calm makes me think that’s someone else entirely.

How to change it? Dunno, wish I did. Maybe it’s not so much about changing or getting out of the stuck but taking a careful look. Giving it a tiny shred of real estate. I don’t do this by default, which makes me think maybe try?

What @Friday suggests is also solid gold. Bring out the loud.
Works wonders, but I do know I gotta tread cautiously there sometimes. Turns into something else. As long as awareness is paired with loud, can work.

Long winded, but with ya.

 

[Ronin]

And you say you're wrecked <eyerolls & pats Friday>

Thanks, sunshine. Heckuva useful. Will try what it does and come back if it doesn't take.

And Chicken, Quite a goodie too. I think I'll give it analytical glance over, but later, when the calm is through and safe distance. :sneaky:

Thank you both a lot.

 

[Freida]

Oh ya - the calm before the storm. That's my dissociation phase. Nothing to see here, move along, I'm fine thanks.
Then everything explodes.

I've started pre-planning and it seems to be helping. I hit that calm place and start asking myself what I can put into play when the storm hits. Like my yearly January run away, and booking tickets to besties in february. It feels like it gives me at least a sense of accomplishment to balance out the brain dump that I know is coming.

 

[Ronin]

Yeah I thought of that one too, but will worry about that storm when I get there / when I'm not stuck in a calm producing one about which I should give a f*ck, but don't (though have helluva more with it shipmates prompting Reach out & Ask.)

 

[Freida]

Oh don't get me wrong -- I'm not doing it because I actually care. I'm doing it to mitigate the damage that will come when the calm breaks. Think clinical - not emotional :laugh:

 

[Ronin]

IDK when's too soon for an update (except Stuff not sorted yet... totally isn't it... but hell that wall, I also promised to not fade out of touch so trying.)

Drinking sliightly helps. Music very up didn't (WTFO me, music always does.) but that bit I semi get // part of the original trigger is music.

I'm soo very oscillating between revert to more normal emoting and the place I posted the thread for so tryna give it time and stay at the breaks.

Congratulatory stalker party that are the other of myriad reasons I'm so itchy I'm calm & cool & no feels didn't bother to show up this year so at least one thing less to think about.

So yeah mini progress that almost ain't one but is something.

 

[Freida]

So yeah mini progress that almost ain't one but is something.

In my book? Any progress counts - no matter how mini :hug:

 

[Friday]

except Stuff not sorted yet... totally isn't it... but hell that wall, I also promised to not fade out of touch so trying.)

AND? ...SitReps are good. :smug:

 

[Warrior Chicken]

Sitreps essential.
Med evacs too so we can get resources rolling.
Know here we won’t do Locstats....but If you wanted, I’d find a way to get you real time support @Ronin
You’re important to me.

My comms are CDN, but likely they make sense anyway.

 

[Ronin]

Before I forget: Thanks for whole that post @Warrior Chicken.

Cut through a few solid lines of BS.
Both as a literal thing and images out of literal things, for mental spaces.

Damn good stuff. Still chewing on that.