So, I recently quit my job and now I regret it. I want my job back but how do I go about it?
To give you a bit of background (I will keep it brief):
I was diagnosed with PTSD in around 2008 and have struggled with it ever since.
In 2004, aged 14, a group of friends an I were chased by grown men who had kitchen knifes. I witnessed my friend being stabbed. Fortunately he survived but not only was I traumatised by this event but I also felt guilty, that I should/could have done more to help/prevent this from happening.
In 2005, a year later, whilst waiting to cross a busy main road I witnessed an elderly man on a mobility scooter drive out straight in front of a lorry, becoming stuck underneath the wheels literally a few feet in front of me. Unfortunately the man lost his life. Again, another event I felt extremely traumatised by.
Following both of these events I received no professional help whatsoever.
In 2007 I was involved in a fatal car accident. On that day I was supposed to be picking my friend up, taking him to football training and returning him home afterwards as requested by his parents. Another friend of mine who was also attending the football training session had passed his driving test that day so we decided that he would drive. He specifically requested that I (as the more experienced driver) looked out for him and we set off. We got to training fine. After the session we where dropping the friend of mine off home (the one who's parents asked me to pick up and drop home), he only lived round the corner so he decided not to wear his seatbelt. Minutes after setting off we pulled across the path of a van travelling at 50mph which smashed into the side of the car both me and my friend were sat in, and left us resting in a ditch 50 meters down the road. I was knocked unconscious and received near fatal injuries but I survived. Unfortunately my friend who was sat behind me was killed. The thing that saved my life but cost him his was the seatbelt. We were hit with such force the seatbelt burnt through my jumper, I was pinned against the middle console of the car and it took 1 hour for the fire service to cut me out. I don't remember any of this due to the severity of the head injury I received. My lack of memory (I am unable to make sense of what happened), feeling of guilt for surviving and the feeling of responsibility (I was tasked with picking my friend up but also looking out for my friend who was driving) have eaten away at me every day ever since.
After the accident I had some counselling etc. organised by insurance companies but it didn't really help.
As I have said, I have struggled with these feelings every day. I now struggle with anxiety around a whole host of situations. Depression, resentment, anger, shame, guilt among other things. I tend to isolate myself, locking myself in my bedroom, I don't socialise, I treat the closest people to me like crap and I don't mean it. I was working but I work 72 hours a week when I don't need to, to occupy my mind because for the hours that I'm working I have something else to focus on. I feel so bitter & twisted. I struggle to concentrate, to think straight, to think rationally, to take on information. I am tired but can barely sleep. I have contemplated deliberately crashing my car to end it all.
As well as the above three incidents I have also been made redundant twice. I work as a professional football coach specialising in youth development. I was made redundant twice within 8 weeks because two football clubs decided to close their youth departments. This was my dream job, something I worked incredibly hard to achieve particularly considering the demons I have to battle on a daily basis.
In 2015 I hit rock bottom. It was either time to give up, or time for one last fight. I decided on the latter and somehow mustered the courage to approach a professional football club with a proposal about what I could offer and build at the football club. I met with the club owners & board of directors, selling them my vision. To my surprise the bought into me and my vision and employed me a month later. Finally I felt as though I had got a break. It gave me great confidence. At the time of approaching them I had ballooned to 22 stone. I played semi-professional football before the car accident which will give you an idea of just how much weight I put on. In the first 14 months at the football club I achieved more than I had ever done before. I lost 6 stone, began to start feeling better about myself, more positive about my future. Professionally I over-achieved, so much so the board touted me as a future board member and appointed me as a trustee of the football clubs charity, I was incredibly highly thought of.
Over the summer the club appointed a new first team manager and in March of this year, after the board approving a new proposal I put forward to them, the new manager wanted to make a slight amendment to my proposal. This didn't go down well with me, I massively over-reacted to something that was very minor and ended up resigning from my job. I created this problem in my head that didn't actually exist. Now I have had time to reflect I really regret my decision and want my job back.
I have approached the club who have agreed to meet me. I did over-achieve in my time at the club, was very professional and thought of extremely highly however, they may feel I have embarrassed them or now feel disappointed in me for leaving.
Is it a case of just being honest with them, explaining my reaction?
I believe, just like over-eating and the suicidal thoughts, I have a subconscious habit of punishing myself, like I don't deserve these opportunities, to be happy & healthy!
Thank you in advance for any suggestions.
To give you a bit of background (I will keep it brief):
I was diagnosed with PTSD in around 2008 and have struggled with it ever since.
In 2004, aged 14, a group of friends an I were chased by grown men who had kitchen knifes. I witnessed my friend being stabbed. Fortunately he survived but not only was I traumatised by this event but I also felt guilty, that I should/could have done more to help/prevent this from happening.
In 2005, a year later, whilst waiting to cross a busy main road I witnessed an elderly man on a mobility scooter drive out straight in front of a lorry, becoming stuck underneath the wheels literally a few feet in front of me. Unfortunately the man lost his life. Again, another event I felt extremely traumatised by.
Following both of these events I received no professional help whatsoever.
In 2007 I was involved in a fatal car accident. On that day I was supposed to be picking my friend up, taking him to football training and returning him home afterwards as requested by his parents. Another friend of mine who was also attending the football training session had passed his driving test that day so we decided that he would drive. He specifically requested that I (as the more experienced driver) looked out for him and we set off. We got to training fine. After the session we where dropping the friend of mine off home (the one who's parents asked me to pick up and drop home), he only lived round the corner so he decided not to wear his seatbelt. Minutes after setting off we pulled across the path of a van travelling at 50mph which smashed into the side of the car both me and my friend were sat in, and left us resting in a ditch 50 meters down the road. I was knocked unconscious and received near fatal injuries but I survived. Unfortunately my friend who was sat behind me was killed. The thing that saved my life but cost him his was the seatbelt. We were hit with such force the seatbelt burnt through my jumper, I was pinned against the middle console of the car and it took 1 hour for the fire service to cut me out. I don't remember any of this due to the severity of the head injury I received. My lack of memory (I am unable to make sense of what happened), feeling of guilt for surviving and the feeling of responsibility (I was tasked with picking my friend up but also looking out for my friend who was driving) have eaten away at me every day ever since.
After the accident I had some counselling etc. organised by insurance companies but it didn't really help.
As I have said, I have struggled with these feelings every day. I now struggle with anxiety around a whole host of situations. Depression, resentment, anger, shame, guilt among other things. I tend to isolate myself, locking myself in my bedroom, I don't socialise, I treat the closest people to me like crap and I don't mean it. I was working but I work 72 hours a week when I don't need to, to occupy my mind because for the hours that I'm working I have something else to focus on. I feel so bitter & twisted. I struggle to concentrate, to think straight, to think rationally, to take on information. I am tired but can barely sleep. I have contemplated deliberately crashing my car to end it all.
As well as the above three incidents I have also been made redundant twice. I work as a professional football coach specialising in youth development. I was made redundant twice within 8 weeks because two football clubs decided to close their youth departments. This was my dream job, something I worked incredibly hard to achieve particularly considering the demons I have to battle on a daily basis.
In 2015 I hit rock bottom. It was either time to give up, or time for one last fight. I decided on the latter and somehow mustered the courage to approach a professional football club with a proposal about what I could offer and build at the football club. I met with the club owners & board of directors, selling them my vision. To my surprise the bought into me and my vision and employed me a month later. Finally I felt as though I had got a break. It gave me great confidence. At the time of approaching them I had ballooned to 22 stone. I played semi-professional football before the car accident which will give you an idea of just how much weight I put on. In the first 14 months at the football club I achieved more than I had ever done before. I lost 6 stone, began to start feeling better about myself, more positive about my future. Professionally I over-achieved, so much so the board touted me as a future board member and appointed me as a trustee of the football clubs charity, I was incredibly highly thought of.
Over the summer the club appointed a new first team manager and in March of this year, after the board approving a new proposal I put forward to them, the new manager wanted to make a slight amendment to my proposal. This didn't go down well with me, I massively over-reacted to something that was very minor and ended up resigning from my job. I created this problem in my head that didn't actually exist. Now I have had time to reflect I really regret my decision and want my job back.
I have approached the club who have agreed to meet me. I did over-achieve in my time at the club, was very professional and thought of extremely highly however, they may feel I have embarrassed them or now feel disappointed in me for leaving.
Is it a case of just being honest with them, explaining my reaction?
I believe, just like over-eating and the suicidal thoughts, I have a subconscious habit of punishing myself, like I don't deserve these opportunities, to be happy & healthy!
Thank you in advance for any suggestions.
