Supporter I Really Need Your Help!!!

[Ayala]

I am new to learning about PTSD and I am completely lost. My boyfriend who is in the military is going through a rough episode and I since I didn't know the gravity of the situation made it worst and has broken up with me.

Here's my situation and forgive me for the length, I have never done anything like this and I'm not quite sure how to and how much to write.

My boyfriend broke up with me a couple of days ago, it was the beginning of his episode but I didn't know what he was going through, I'm not using that as an excuse I just really didn't know. Two days before that he was to come see me since we live an hour away but he didn't so I text him asking what was up and when he didn't answer I confess I got a little mad in the texts.

4 days after I hadn't heard from him I didn't know how to handle it and contacted his friends through facebook, he wasn't happy about that because I had everyone contacting him when he wanted to be alone. I kept on pressing the issue of "I'm here for you and you should le me help" I drove down there but he wasn't where he was living anymore, he moved he didn't tell me anything and I was just left wondering if he was ok he told me he would tell me more later but again I didn't drop it until he said he was done.

Next few days were somewhat similar and that's when he broke up with me on facebook, he changed his relationship status, I said he couldn't do that and he told me I didn't have a choice that he couldn't be with me right now that he was too emotionally unstable and that he had accepted to go to military school and he had moved further away that he couldn't hack it mentally that it wasn't going to work.

I told him no of course and then I said I was moving closer to him (which I was going town toon before all this began) but he wouldn't change his mind after.

I'm somewhat confused because I swear I know he loves me and I love him too I know I made many mistakes but I really didn't mean harm like the one I caused now I fear it's irreparable.

The last things we text each other after I told him I didn't want to lose him were:
"Too bad you don't have a choice, I need my space right now" " you'll never understand because your're a civilian your're just weak" " "if you cared you would understand I really need this right now"

So then I said:
" if I give you space will you come back to me?" He said he didn't know. Then I said I was just going to give him some time that we were still together that I was just giving him a little bit of space that I loved him and for him not to forget that.

It's only been since sat that I said that, I facebook him in the morning of Sunday that I missed him so much and loved him I know I need to give him space but this is by far the hardest thing I've done, I feel like I'm losing him I want him to get better but I want to be with him I don't even know how much time does a while mean?
To me its already been too long and I feel like I'm losing him.

What do I do?

 

[KP the nut]

Hi and welcome to the forum.

Check out the supporters forum, there are some wise folk there who will relate to you.

 

[Abandoned]

Hello Ayala,

I'm literally as stressed out and worried as you are right now, and I'm not sure what to do either.

My boyfriend broke up with me a week ago, and this was after he was experiencing a "new found" episode for about a week. He severely distanced himself from me, and only me, wouldn't accept any of my plans, and then stood me up completely one night, and new exactly what he was doing.

I told him that I wanted to be there for him, and he said the same thing.... "No. I don't know what's going on. I don't have any answers. I'm emotionally numb, and I don't feel anything. I need to figure this out on my own because I WILL hurt you again."

I tried to let him know that I wanted to be there, we could take some space... the like, but I wasn't going to win.... I tried SO HARD to keep him with me.

And you will not win either.

Trust me when I say that all I want him to do is be ok, come sweep me off my feet and tell me that everything is going to be ok, but it's not like that. I've done a ton of research and read many forums, and there's honestly nothing you can do for him at this point. It's an emotional deterrent and you literally just have to deal with it.

It sucks... SO bad, and I'm right here with you. But in the end, until he figures it out, or gets help, there's nothing you can do but leave him alone and give him the space he needs.

If he comes back, he does, but as he said, he cannot give you what you need right now, so, he will not and cannot be filling your emotional needs.

I know you love him... I love my ex too, but it's time to let go and give him space. I'm sorry if that's not what you want to hear, but, it's the honest truth.

If you'd like to talk about this over the phone. Let me know, and maybe we can get some insight from each other. This is the hardest thing I've ever done, and almost the worst I can ever remember feeling. Alone, confused, and extremely lost and hurt.

 

[Sick of Fear]

I can't exactly speak for your boyfriend, as I don't know his particular situation, but many people suffering from ptsd get scared when they get too close to people. For me, it was a combination of fear, anger, mistrust, guilt, unworthiness, and above all, a "leave them before they can hurt me" tactic. I did that a lot to people ironically through a fear of abandonment.

As I said, I don't know what's going through his mind, and I'm not going to pretend to, but it's a possibility that perhaps he's experiencing similar emotions. The best thing you can do is let him know that you are there for him when he is ready, but the ball is ultimately in his court. He needs to seek help and acknowledge his feelings.

I'm sorry and I hope this is at least somewhat helpful to you.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Welcome to the forum. :)

 

[intothelight]

Welcome to the PTSD Forum! :)