General I Said Something Extremely Dumb To My Sufferer.

[Sarah_1990]

I feel really stupid for saying what I said and I am trying to decipher his reply. (Mind you, this was over texting.)

My sufferer pushed me away. Most of you already know my story. If you are unaware, I have other posts that explain EVERYTHING.

Anyway, he told me he was keeping his distance from me because I was not over him. His actions and stuff when we see each other, proved to me that he still loves me and that I think it is too hard for him to be around me. So what I said to him today was that I was not in love with him anymore... Not true. But I want him to continue to see me and be in his life. After I told him, he did not say anything. So I asked if that bothered him. And he replied with "I don't know. I don't think so. It's for your own good anyway." We then got off the subject and kept the conversation light and fluffy. I know I should not have said that, but I did. I'm not really sure why. It is most definitely the opposite of how I feel...

Maybe he truly does not love anymore? I do not know.

 

[Away From The Sun]

Give him some space. Feeding off each other's emotions is a bad place to be.

 

[Needing Guidance]

I kind of did the same thing as my girl was pushing me away. Except I told her how much I loved her, had forgiven her for a mistake she made in our relationship and wanted to be there for her in any way that I could.

I think that helped push her further away! That was before I knew anything about her PTSD signs... Now I think I'm totally in a hole!

 

[nursenurse]

Give them space. Even in a non-PTSD world, if your mate needs space, you need to respect that. Sarah, your guy might be trying to heal, and in some cases, these folks want and need to do it on their own. You are putting both of you on an emotional roller coaster, and it isn't fair to either of you.

Keep up with work or school. Go out with the girls. Take off for a weekend if your place in life allows it. Even if you don't want to. Make a semblance of a life for yourself. For all you know, he might see you as emotionally needy too, and sometimes our sufferers can't handle that and their own problems at the same time. When he is better, and he sees your fortitude, he might come back. And he might not.

Rejection is hard no matter who and when. Your best defence no matter what happens to you in your life is to keep looking after yourself. Let him know in one short sentence "I will be here if you need me." Send it, and then get living. You owe it to yourself.

 

[Sarah_1990]

So I have no chance.. :(

 

[The Albatross]

Sarah, I think I'd be asking myself what it was that motivated you to tell him something that wasn't true. It was an attempt at manipulation that may backfire.

 

[Emma13]

I have one question for you. Are you in love with him? To me there is a difference in being in love and loving someone.

 

[Raj]

True honesty can be hard no matter what it is, but it is always best. Manipulation from my better half makes me stuff real emotions. It is a safety thing for me.

 

[The Albatross]

Good point Raj.

 

[nursenurse]

I just think lying that way places you as being needy and desperate. Never, ever, come across as desperate to anyone. I'll bet I have a few years on you, so I speak from experience. Just leave him be. If he is meant to be in your world, then he will be, by his choice. You are a worthwhile human being as well, do not forget that. You have to love yourself first.

 

[Sarah_1990]

Yes I am "in" love with him. He is the most important person to me. But he will not see me while we still have feelings for each other because he thinks it is too hard. So if he believes that I do not anymore, then he will start to see me sooner rather than later. I can cover my feelings while I am with him. I just want him in my life.

 

[nursenurse]

Still comes off as dishonest and desperate, not the basis of a successful relationship with or without PTSD.