I simply can't do this anymore.

[Deleted member 20280]

I have spent 20 years in law as one of the highest paid members of civilian staff. I have heard so many terrible things there are too many to name.

I have heard men smash doors down and kill their wives. No man or woman should ever hear that, but i have.

 

[Deleted member 20280]

@digger under the 1820 common law act he can. Under the 1995 Act of murder through parliament he cant.

 

[Deleted member 541]

@Mr Laurie Ok, I hear what you are saying. You have heard and probably seen a lot of trauma in that 20 yrs. That doesn't mean that you have to drag it around with you for the next 20. There are things that you can do to stop dragging this stuff with you. I think that you tend to hyper focus on the shit and you dont do stuff that would help. Don't get pissed..... Change is hard, it's one of the hardest jobs you will ever have to do. It's a FULL time job. It takes time and patience with yourself to start it and to continue. Even when there are setbacks. Because with setbacks, it so easy to just say "f*ck it" and fall back into old behaviors.

When I was in therapy, I looked at my life/trauma in 2 parts. Old life/ old behaviors. New life/new behaviors. I had to develope new behavior with healthy shit, and healthy way of doing things and thinking things. And then STICK to it. Did I fall back to doing old shit... Absolutely.....because it was how I had always done things, it was comfortable and I KNEW what to expect........ But KNOWING, SEEING it and CHANGING to new behaviors and thoughts was my path, so I would accept I had fallen and I would get back up and move onto the new.

You are stuck in the old life, the old way of thinking. It has you trapped there. Find a way to move out of it. Find ways to split that into old life/new life. Even if it's only for 2 minutes at first. Keep working at changing those old thoughts into new ones with healthy coping skills. It's hard, it isn't easy but it is the only way out of your own mind/trauma.

 

[Suzetig]

The 1955 Act removed the death pentalty from the UK statue books. It has nothing to do with how the law defines murder, just the penalty for murder. The 1938 Act creates the offence of infanticide for women only, they are actually charged with murder but the court can amend this, on conviction, to infanticide if it is evidenced the woman killed her child while suffering post natal depression.

Given your role in law enforcement I'd expect you to know the charges laid especially given the impact you say the incident had on you. He simply could not have been charged with infanticide.

 

[joeylittle]

@Mr Laurie - possible that you are transferring self-loathing onto someone else? As others have said: doing anything other than walking this guy out of the room was just not your job.

Might be that the person you are really furious at right now is yourself, for creating the circumstances that resulted in you not being able to see your kids. It's not uncommon to transfer rage, especially when it's the stuff that's really hard to look at.

@She Cat has excellent advice on DBT and why it would be super-useful for you.

And since it's clear that the guy couldn't have been charged with infanticide, you really can let go of the irrational thoughts you have around that issue.