Sufferer I Survived A Serial Killer

[Ruckster]

Froggie, that is exactly my plan. I am going to get out of my day job...but it will take me a while. I have that job which pays me a lot of money and I have a little side business that pays me just a little money. I am pouring as much energy and effort as I can muster into the little business and hopefully I can reverse the importance of each in my life. One problem in insurance, if my H is going to have heart attacks and such I need benefits and at this point I don't have them with my small business.

Yes, there are a lot of ugly feelings at work. I have this paranoia that I will be fired at any second. The boss that did that is one of the "big bosses" and not someone I actually work with every day. But, everyday there is the chance that he will just pop in, so I have these small scale panic attacks just about every day as I am walking from my car to the job. And when he actually does come in I have a really hard time.

I am expending a LOT of energy balancing stuff and trying to hold it all together. There is the job where I need to behave professionally and hide all this inner turmoil. There is the little business, where I need to spend time and energy to make it grow and so much is going on with that right now that is exciting and positive, but sucking my energy also. There is my family stress. H probably does not have PTSD, just depression, but he is in denial about that and he sort of blames me and my anxiety stuff for his misery. He refuses any type of counselling and won't even go see the medical doctors to make sure his heart is doing ok. He refuses to eat anything healthy and he is making me a bit crazyier. I have grown children who are sucking me financially and I can't figure out how to stop that. If I could stop that constant flow of money out, I could possibly cut out at least some hours from my job. So many things are the matter and all landing on my plate at the same time that I feel overwhelmed. It has truly been a year from hell.

I sort of feel like a plate spinner, if you are old enough to know what that is! I just run from one nearly falling plate to the next and sometimes they are falling and crashing into a million pieces. I don't sleep well and being exhausted and having sleep dep doesn't help my energy level or my mood stability. Not sure what the solution is so I am just going one day at a time.

 

[Froggie]

I get the picture quite well (((Ruckster))). Lots on your shoulders and you have assumed much responsability. It is very unfortunate that your H doesn't cooperate nor assume his health problems (physical and mental). Some need a good kick in the butt just to get their lives together. I feel that you are trying to keep things together the best you can ...

How old are your children ? Are they still living at home ?

Yes I can see that it would be easier on you doing less hours, just to have some breathing space for yourself without the financial stress.

Linking arms with you.

 

[Ruckster]

Hey, here is a serious question. Where are the 'instructions"? I have seen a lot of comments about this subject from other newcomers so I am pretty sure I am not the only confused person. I even went to the help section and tried to figure it out and I sent a message to "help" and wasn't quite satisfied with the answer ... or maybe I didn't understand it or something. The question is about privacy.

It is true that every sentence I am writing is viewable on the world wide web. I realized that now, but I didn't a few days ago when I started. In order to POST you must be a member but everyone everywhere can read the posts. I find that is a bit disconcerting. The answer from "help" was that if everyone couldn't see it how would I have ever found it in the first place. The rest of the answer was "there are public and private portions of the forum", but I can't figure out where the private parts are. I find it a bit difficult maneuvering around and re-finding things again. I have watched several of the little "how to" videos and read all the new members must read this stuff, but somehow I have missed the "instructions" page. How do you send a private message to someone? (I assume "private messages" would be private?) If you posted something you want to "take back" can you do that? (I assume not).

It was feeling really good sharing stuff with those of you who have also shared stuff... but not sure I want to share it with the entire internet. What are your thoughts? And please increase my knowledge about how this place works. Thanks.

 

[catjudo]

Ruckster, if you still have questions regarding public vs private forums, how to send a PC, etc....post a thread with these questions in the Help Desk forum. [DLMURL]https://www.ptsdforum.org/c/forums/help-desk.28/[/DLMURL] This will allow you to have a back-and-forth conversation with staff (or sometimes other members) until your questions are answered, without disrupting the flow of other threads (such as this one).

 

[Ruckster]

Well, Cat Judo, since this is a thread I personally started I think I should be able to ask a question on it without being chastised for "disrupting" it. I apparently don't understand the "post a thread" procedure as when I went to "help" and asked a question I got a snippy answer and there was not a back and forth conversation option.

 

[catjudo]

You are certainly free to ask the question in your thread. I was simply letting you know that posting a thread with your questions in the Help Desk forum would get the attention of staff and hopefully get some answers for you. I assumed you knew how to start a thread since you started this one. I provided you with a link that you could click on and would take you directly to the correct forum to post a thread with your question. I was only trying to be helpful but since it has apparently upset you, I will leave you to figure things out your own way. My sincerest apologies.

 

[anthony]

Hey, here is a serious question. Where are the 'instructions"?

The answer is that navigation link called "Help" which resides beside the others that allow you to find relevant forum areas, at the top of every page.

You may also want to read member rights in relation to publicity, posting, etc, also contained in that help section: [DLMURL]https://www.ptsdforum.org/c/pages/help-member-rights/[/DLMURL]

Nobody, and I mean nobody, is making anyone use this website. You are free at any time to stop using it to benefit yourself.

 

[Ruckster]

Interesting. I have a little business with a little website, nowhere as complicated and elaborate as this site, of course. Even with it's very simplistic design I have customers who call me or email me to say they can't figure out how to order something or to see which sizes or colors are available. I would never think of telling that customer that "Nobody, and I mean nobody, is making anyone use this website. You are free at any time to stop using it." Doesn't feel very friendly. I also would not tell that customer that they are an idiot because they can't figure it out.

I was not seeking a war. I just wanted a simple explanation and I totally did not expect the defensive attitude or to be escalated all the way to Anthony!

I am using dialectical behavior therapy and I am learning that opposites can co-exist. I can be both a victim and a survivor. I can be both a winner and a loser. This site, apparently, can have wonderfulness and not-so-wonderfulness co-existing. I am ok with this now that I understand it.

I can, by copying and pasting the link from Cat Judo into the browser, arrive at the help screen where there is indeed a place to "start a new thread". However, by clicking on the "help" button which is indeed located exactly where Anthony told me and exactly where I clicked when I was looking for help before I got frustrated, I can find no place to "start a new thread" or even ask a question. That is why I kept on hunting and I found "contact us" which lets you ask a question but is not a "back and forth conversation" place.

I still do not see anywhere that explains the difference between public forum and private forum and how to find the places..... oh well,

My day is not going to be ruined. I can be both lost in the pages and pages of this this site and I can be content to know there are some truly wonderful and caring people here.
(I do have a paranoia part of my condition and that tells me that I am about to receive a new avatar BANNED). I hope not. We shall see.

 

[anthony]

Hi,

If you take the time to read the help section, which has a sub-menu in the right column in that area, then you can learn about every single area of the forum.

The help section is quite definitive. It contains both video and written explanations on how to use near every page and aspect of the forum, from beginners to advanced.

If you take the time to review that area and its pages, you will know how to use near every aspect of this site, including the help desk forum where you can ask for help, after having at least read the help pages... otherwise you will simply be directed to the relevant help page.

There is also a search feature which will give you most answers if searched... and with a little looking.

In relation to running this site, business - customer relations, this is a mental health forum, of which people who use it have mental health symptoms, which makes running / moderating such a site nothing like communicating with customers about a product / service being offered. This is a community for people to seek support and understanding from others. It is not a "given" resource where people believe they have rights and such to say or do anything they please... again, back to the topic of the site, staff get plenty of such people each month. This is why staff have a strict application ruleset on dealing with members, especially new members where the lowest tolerance is given due to many not reading the site or trying to fit into it, instead they opt to dictate and outline how things should be done, when the site has functioned to become the best in its niche based on not doing what other sites have done, thus they have failed.

The site uses a generic notification system to remove bias from actions. In other words, members hang themselves by their actions by not following forum policy as agreed to upon registration.

Patience is a two way streak... one which many newer members give little towards PTSD Forum or staff at times, and should do more learning and reading, asking for help in the provided areas only.

This will be the last message by staff on this thread about this subject.

If you need assistance with forum aspects, as you can see a link in every staff members signature going directly to the help desk forum where administrative based questions can be asked. Click the link and you will arrive at the help desk forum.

 

[Eleanor]

The private (not viewable by anyone but you) and members only sections are ones that are accessible when you contribute to the site - they are viewable by anyone who is also a premium member, but not by the world in general. There are private diary sections - which you can, I believe, restrict just for you.

Given the high level of communication skill on this site generally, it is sometimes tough to remember that there is no inherent "tone" signal in email - unless you use the little emoticons. It is easy (and I have done it several times myself, making myself freak out) to interpret short and direct as "snippy." Most often here it is not - this is a huge site to moderate and it is done by extraordinary volunteers (who bravely read everything! Which I personally couldn't manage) The thing is - that individual threads (particularly in introductions) won't get you much "traffic" after a while. And it is most helpful to you (and others) if you have specific questions to post them as such and get them answered individually.

I hope this helps....

 

[Kaii]

I too was worried about posting once I realized that the information I posted here was accessible to anyone via any search engine. I worried that someone might see "ME" in the personal details and experiences that I've described on here. I honestly had a few days of high anxiety and panic over it.

And then I thought to myself...SO?????

What could possibly happen to me if someone were to put the many clues together and figure out that it's ME posting? Nothing, that's what could happen. My family already know the basics of what happened to me, my friends even fewer details. But it's okay for someone to read my comments and stories here and think "Gee, that sounds an awful lot like....". It's okay because I'm not ashamed anymore. It's not my fault that this happened to me, just as its not your fault what happened to you. I think that you are extraordinarily brave in getting away from your attacker. I have been attacked twice, so I know the paralyzingly fear that takes over.

Please don't let the fact that others, who are not members of this forum, detract from posting. Sometimes that is how those suffering from PTSD find us. I know that's how I found this forum and the support and acceptance that I've received here is worth the price of information that is readily available.

Please continue to post. You are not alone. There are many of us listening and willing to offer support and ideas.

 

[Ruckster]

Thank you Kaii and Elleanor. I am sort of a "tough cookie" and I don't scare easily (at least not about real things anymore... My imaginary demons are another story). You are right, it shouldn't matter... And I'm not sure it matters to me. My T had me read a book called The Gifted Adult.... Not claiming to be gifted, of course, but one of the traits I do share is empathy over and above. My T jokingly tells me I am the poster child for feeling other people's pain.

While stumbling around this site has frustrated me, reading posts by other newbys who have foolishly chosen to use their real name and photo on here and are now trying to "fix" it has pressed my empathy button! I felt like there ought to be a way. Reading some of the really cruel sounding responses from monitors to people who have posted stuff they now regret were stressors for me. One statement to a young sounding new comer was particularly alarming in it's coldness,

Oh well! I can't fix the world. That is another part of my personal head trip. I have always felt like if I had gone to the police or my family or my roommates or someone and told them of my attack then perhaps he (my attacker) would have been captured sooner and , like in science fiction, the entire time-space continuum would have been changed and the last 20 or so murders may not have happened. I don't possess super-human power to change the world.