I think i‘ve terminated therapy

[MyWillow]

Anyone who doesn't do stabilisation??? GONE!!!

Think about it this way: what is actually wrong about functioning better in everyday life...whether that means better self-care, gaining or retaining employment or volunteer roles, improving relationships, setting boundaries, calming the nervous system, affect regulation....

Therapy without stabilisation can be re-traumatising.

You deserve better.

 

[Deleted member 34328]

isn't it my job to manage the distress until the next session and then to clarify with her?

Yes and no. You do have to manage until the next session, however it is the job of the therapist to teach and equip you with the tools necessary to help you one day at a time.

At the moment I'm inclined to believe that I'm just bad, and have been exaggerating my symptoms for attention, so I'm not deserving of therapy, and it isn't appropriate

I hear what you're saying. Unfortunately, all untrue. Those are distorted thoughts. Not the truth. @Freida is correct.

Ultimately, there needs to be a strong level of trust and open communication between the two of you.

It does take time to develop that, but although therapy is hard work, your therapist should be walking with you. Yes, many times clarification is needed, but so is support, empathy, validation...

I don't get the sense that you're receiving any of that right now.

Especially the emotional and physical strength it takes to work through cancer, there should not be a question as to whether or not you should disclose that information.

What you deserve is the chance to heal. You deserve a good therapist that helps you learn to trust yourself again and embrace the truth that you DO deserve good things because you are more than just worth it!

 

[scout86]

She is very specific that she doesn’t do stabilisation

So what DOES she do? I mean, my T has never, once, used the word "stabilization", but he WILL nudge me in that general direction when he thinks I could use a hint. ("Scout, you might want to find a better way of thinking about that.")

We had talked a bit before about her apparent dissatisfaction with how I do therapy,

I'm not quite sure what that means. "How you do therapy?" WAS she not satisfied? In what way? I guess I didn't realize we were expected to know how to do therapy. (In fact, my T has specifically said he doesn't expect me to know what's going on all the time.) I can see being disappointed the client appears not to be motivated, but THAT doesn't seem like it would be your problem.

And, what @Freida said!

 

[Suzetig]

I bought a book on how to do psychotherapy. With its aid I seemed to be performing better, but I’m still lost.

It’s not your job to perform in therapy, it’s your job to turn up and be prepared to do the work - which I know from previous threads you are. The last thing I’d be doing is increasing to two sessions per week. Ask her what she sees as the purpose of therapy and what she feels the role of the therapist is in facilitating that process. Or just leave and find someone else.

 

[blackemerald1]

I reckon she is wasting your time and undermining the little faith you have left in yourself. Move on. You may be surprised.

I have walked out of a pdoc when she persistently did a couple of things which I had told her made it impossible for me to understand her. It wasn't at all complicated but she did it, I asked her why she did it, her reason's were not acceptable and had more to do with her comfort than mine. So, I decided this was not good for me. Went to my last appt., told her what her problem was which took about 2 mins., She wanted to debate the issue...which was really silly because it didn't matter in the slightest...she wasn't going to change her position and I physically could not tolerate it. End of story. She was pleading with me to 'come back...' like a bloody child as I stood and thanked her for her time and then I opened the door and walked away. I don't care what she thought of me, she was bloody useless.

You will find another therapist who will listen, who will make goals clear and give you feedback.

 

[Deleted member 34328]

@Sandstone I'm wondering how you're feeling today.

Lots of feedback, but how are YOU?

 

[Lucycat]

I am wondering how many sessions you have had with this therapist? I don't think our friends across the pond always understand how difficult it can be in the UK to access a therapist and we don't speak of hiring and firing. I am unclear if you are self funding (which increases your options) or if the charity that recommended her is funding her. If you do stop seeing her who can you see instead?

She may have a very good reason for saying that she doesn't 'do stabilisation' one of which can be that she gets secondary referrals - so that part of therapy has already been undertaken. But that should be made clear to you, and you should feel able to challenge such statements and ask her.

I am not making excuses for her or undermining what you are saying - I just think you need a full and frank discussion with the therapist before you burn your bridges.

I am curious to know the outcome of this.

 

[Sandstone]

how are YOU?

I'm overwhelmed, still confused and aware I haven't expressed myself very clearly.
I have a house full of grandchildren, who are staying overnight, so they are taking up the energy I can find.
I'll be back tomorrow or Monday, hopefully having slept a bit more. Thanks everybody.

 

[Deleted member 34328]

Try and get whatever rest you can. Yes, please do check in again.

 

[littleoc]

Sometimes therapists end up being dangerous.

I remember a "feminist psychologist" I began seeing in 2015. She would forget to bill me (did for so long that today I don't owe her anything...) and she would put words into my mouth.

For example, she would suggest that my male white friends, especially ones who were in upper classes, were dangerous and that it was surprising that I was "giving them a chance" -- right after I explained how they helped me through a dissociative episode in a public setting without making me feel ashamed at all. Did their gender really matter at that point? Did we need to be putting more fears into my head?

I did kind of just walk out, and I admit I never told her why I did. But the point is, sometimes therapists are hurtful and not actually able to help. And when that's the case, it's time to go.

Good luck

 

[Muttly]

Out of everything you described, do you know what bothers me the most? That she said that none of her other clients find her unclear. So what? You don't and you are her client and if you are finding her unclear, than some (or most) of the responsibility lies on her to work to bridge the gap. You shouldn't be the only person trying to make this relationship work.

As far as the fact she comes highly recommended. Ok. Great. So people have found her helpful. That doesn't mean she is going to be a great fit for you. People respond differently to different things. Most people find paracetamol an effective pain relieve, however some find it ineffective and some are allergic.

@Lucycat does bring up some relevant points. What other options do you have regarding therapy? If you leave her does that mean you get no therapy at all?

 

[Stephernovas]

When you can't explain yourself or the process of therapy, then you are basically telling your client you have no clue what you are doing. My therapist happily answers any questions I want whenever I want. Providing it's therapeutic for me, she will even go in depth into explaining things. I don't take too kindly to people telling me what to do or keeping things from me, so this lady (whom I haven't even met) can take a hike.