I Think I Am Suffering From Ptsd

[SJV]

I am 38 years old and have mild cerebral palsy. I witnessed my baby brother die in his pram and still have vivid memories of this despite only being around four years old at the time.

There have been other traumas at impressionable times in my life bullied at primary school and the death of my granddad at the same time as my parents marriage was starting to break up to mention some of the key ones.

I am not a hundred percent sure PTSD is what I am suffering from but from browsing sites like this I seem to be displaying a lot of the symptoms.

I know I am a lucky person I have some really supportive friends and family but I really struggle with holding down relationships. My last relationship was a long distance one two hours on the train separated us. My problem was I have a completely irrational fear of lossing people close to me. I never wanted to leave when I stayed with her or wanted her to go home when she stayed with. This was stifling for her so she broke off the relationship. It seems like as soon I fall for someone I have this fear they will be gone from my life so instead of enjoying sharing my life with this wonderful woman I was suffocated by the fear of losing her.

It's only over this last year I've been able to bring the subject of my brother with up with anyone, I still find it difficult. I am going to leave it at this because I am tired and I've had a tough day.

I hope I haven't offended anyone if this isn't PTSD I am suffering from.

 

[Ron]

Nice to meet you! Welcome to the forum. It makes sense you smother people and hang on tight,considering your earlier losses and painful memories. Good luck here on the forum!

 

[Vee Lagrome]

You haven't offended me at least. I doubt you've offended anyone. :)

I suggest that you talk to a psychiatrist who can formally diagnose you with whatever you're experiencing, whether or not it's PTSD.

Welcome to the forum. :)

 

[amethist]

Hi SJV

Welcome to the forum

Self diagnosis is not an option you should think about, but seeking out professional help is. Once you have talked to someone who can work out everything, and you are honest about all that has happened in your life, you can then find the correct help and support for you.

Maybe read the link I have posted below about "Self Diagnosis"

[DLMURL]http://www.ptsdforum.org/c/threads/self-diagnosis-is-not-an-option.13882/[/DLMURL]

In the mean time you are very welcome to learn all you can from here to help you keep going.

Take care.

Amethist

 

[SJV]

Thanks Ron, nice to meet you! That's exactly what I do.

Its only after this split I've connected all this stuff together.

 

[SJV]

Thanks for your kind words Vee. I will seek professional advice, I was seeing a counsellor as I started the relationship I mentioned above and I think we were starting to touch on the trauma of my brother's death but my relationship was going well and I was so happy I thought everything was ok. So to save money I stopped the counselling. It was only as we got closer I realised I still had problems because I freaked out and started smothering her in just the way Ron said above and drove her away. My ex and me are back in touch now which is bitter sweet because I know she really cares about me but she isn't ready to get back into the relationship because of the smothering behaviour.

When i am in any emotional sitution I feel scared completely helpless my emotional response is the same as it was when I saw my brother die. It's like I've never matured emotionally.

Thanks again for your kind words

S

 

[SJV]

Hi Amethist

Thanks for the sound advice and I will seek professional advice.

I was concerned when I posted that I may or may not have PTSD and didn't want to offend anyone who has been diagnosed, but what ever way I am diagnosed the replies from Yourself, Ron and Vee were much appreciated.

Thanks again

S