I Think I Hate My Therapist

[jesse]

I started going to this T back in Oct. because I live in a very isolated rural area and my PTSD symptoms were getting really bad because I moved back home. I felt a lot better at first even though we weren't really talking about much of anything.

I expressed to him many times that I wanted him to help me with childhood trauma. He isn't into guiding you or starting a conversation he wants you to start. I was getting really frustrated with this because he is the therapist not me and I didn't know how to initiate it. I told him that many times. Anyway he asked me 4 different times if I'd rather see a woman and it really pissed me off because I told him no each time. I finally asked if he would rather see a man? That didn't go over well.

I went today and was feeling suicidal and was holding my head rocking back and forth and he didn't say a word. I finally said "I can hold my head and rock back and forth at home it would really help if you would say something!" He has said repeatedly that "you can't rationalize with an irrational person" some kind of catch phrase in the profession. Now it's pretty obvious to me that is how he looks at me. I think that is a cop out too. Shrinks are suppossed to get irrational people to calm down and try to get them to be rational.

Anyway I have walked away from the past two sessions feeling terrible and now I think I just kind of hate this guy and need to quit therapy for awhile. There aren't any other good T's around this area. In PA you can have any degree even a B.A. and be considered a psychologist so ones that actually have a doctorate are hard to come by.

 

[catjudo]

I went today and was feeling suicidal and was holding my head rocking back and forth and he didn't say a word. I finally said "I can hold my head and rock back and forth at home it would really help if you would say something!"

Did you tell him you were feeling suicidal? Or were you JUST holding your head, rocking back and forth. From your post it sounds like that's all you were doing. What would you have liked for him to say?

 

[jesse]

Yes I told him I was feeling suicidal. I guess I expected him to offer some kind of counseling or maybe even compassion not silence.

 

[catjudo]

Are you still feeling suicidal? Are you aware of any other resources in your community you can turn to for help? A suicide hotline or something like that?

 

[ComingUndone]

People like this should not be in the field of psychology. I've dealt with a couple of them myself, they all think that since they can control themselves, you should be able to as well. I went to one of them for my anger issues when I was 12, and stormed out of the office yelling at him and feeling a severe need to punch him in the face. It is obvious he was doing a really good job there.

 

[jesse]

Thanks comingundone it really means a lot to me to hear you say that. It's nice to find someone who can empathise. I don't feel suicidal right now I just have really intense feelings at times.

 

[ComingUndone]

I understand about having intense feelings completely, particularly anger. It took me a long time to be able to find I psychologist who actually helped me. I went through several of them, normally with the same situation, but eventually I found one that really helped me. I suggest you tell this guy that his job is to help you deal with this stress and emotions, and he is doing a terrible job at it. But if you feel that there aren't any other good psychologists in the area, it's probably best to just stick with it for now, but you have to tell him you feel that certain things he is doing are doing more harm then good.

 

[kers]

It sounds like this is not a good match between the two of you, but that doesn't mean that every therapist in your area is lousy. Unfortunately, it can sometimes take some time to interview, try out, and weed out the many available therapists to find the best one for you. One thing that might help widen the search is to decide how far you are willing to drive for good care--really good care--and widen your search to that area. Some people see a therapist much further away, but less often, to make it balance out. I don't know if that woud work for you. Since you really don't know whether a therapist is right for you until a session or two or three, maybe it would help to make a list of, say, 3 potential new therapists to start with? I know just doing something to work towards improving my health makes me feel a tiny bit better.

 

[jesse]

I drive an hour and tried three others who turned out to be born again christians (it was funny I was like "really...another one"). I am trying to relocate and hope something will come through. I think its best for me to not go back and pay $130 to beat my head against a wall and feel worse than when I went in. This was the second chance today and I really don't want to go back. I am trying to focus on aggressively looking for employment elsewhere. Good advise though thanks

 

[ComingUndone]

I hope these "born again christians" were not trying to push their religion on you, saying god will save you. If they were, I would probably freak there and then. I understand how it has helped some people so much with things like PTSD, but I just seem to generally hate Christians, particularly the ones who push beleifs. But good luck, I hope you find one that can understand you.

 

[BloomInWinter]

OMG, How awful!

My T. seemed so...worried he'd done something wrong when I fired him but went back...He said...
"PLEASE...if you ever leave here feeling worse...please say something!"

hope you can muster your strength enough to go back and tell that T. everything he's done wrong (he can't learn from it otherwise) and demand a refund. Holy cow....

((((Jesse))))

 

[jesse]

I wrote him a letter before I went this past time and my appointment was 2 weeks away but then he was sick so it had been about a month as of yesterday. I started freaking out a few days after I knew he received the letter. It bothered me that he did not call or give me some kind of a reply. My anxiety got higher and higher, I thought is he really that big of an ass that he won't take one minute of his time unless I'm there paying for the session? So I cancelled my appointment, I then get this semi "you're fired" letter that was very formal, seemed like a standard form they send to everyone who quits. He did write a note saying he would really like me to come in and talk so I made another appt.

So then at the end of this session he says "I don't mean to be cruel but...." then he proceeded to tell me how wrong I was about the things I wrote that I was perceiving things in a negative, twisted way, etc. Yes that may be partly true but that was how I felt. Now I'm like holy s**t now even my shrink is going to criticise me for having feelings. OK I am feeling so much better writing all this down on this forum. It is so clear to me now that it is not all me and my instincts are right about this guy. I mean he says all this to me when I'm getting ready to walk out the door after I just sat there in agony with suicidal feelings.