I Think I Hate My Therapist

[jewel]

I saw my T today and told him about this site. I said thee is an awesome thread where I posted that I hate him and he laughed and said that was good. He said my anger is positive. I was going to give up therapy and he said I always lush people out of my life when things get difficult and this could be a turning point for me, we could work through it positively and we can both come out stronger.
He asked if I can express goals to him and it wasn't that I couldn't it was that I didn't want to. Just like Anthony said, I was fighting myself. I told him some days are good and some days I'm SI. Finally I let go of my anger and let him help me and I expressed several goals and guess what? It didn't hurt! I felt better.
I haven't been here long but already I love this forum and it has helped so much! Thank you.

 

[anthony]

Glad to hear you're now starting to help yourself Jewel... very proud of your work. Well done.

This is exactly why I disagree with people when they just give the easy response, ie. agreeance or leave and find another therapist. If you are the problem, then you take the problem from therapist to therapist until you find a therapist that supports your habit and enables your behaviour. Not idealistic for those who actually want to stop suffering PTSD symptoms.

Again, very proud of you Jewel... excellent that you just got honest with yourself, and your therapist.

 

[jewel]

I could not have done it without your support, Anthony. I told my T how brutally honest you are with everyone and you don't let us have a pity party. He said he was going to check out the site. He said it sounded great!

 

[Nighthawk]

Just have to say that this has made me take a really hard look at my reactions to my new therapist. I want to thank you for your posts. I am taking the small hard steps and doing the work. I know my T is not attacking me but it does feel that way and I will address it with him this week so we can cut to the chase.

Thanks agaiin

NH

 

[anthony]

What you feel is attacking and what is attacking, are two very different things. From my perspective, when helping someone, you do have to somewhat go at them extremely bluntly, which is attacking in itself, but its with a purpose for good, not a purpose to just attack. Any good trauma therapist has that intention, and that is the intention you need to review, not the feeling attacked part, which most with trauma often concentrate upon.

If all secrets are given away, then sometimes methods are not as effective... hence why everything is not always disclosed. All you should ever worry about, is whether the person has your best intentions at heart. If they do, then drop your guard and let loose to them... what's the worst that will happen? You fall over from relief of unloading all your secrets and actually allowing someone to know the full story? Your symptoms begin to regress after a short increase? Its denial, and its normal... we all must get through it before our healing journey truly commences.

Just part and parcel of the PTSD merry-go-round! ;)

 

[stephanie44]

I am so sorry you had to deal with this. My therapist is a trauma specialist and I drive out of state(one hour) to see her because she is that good. I also chose to see a female therapist due to the type of trauma I went through and if I ever had to have another therapist(if mine retires), I would choose a woman. My therapist is also a trauma survivor so she understands so much - when I have difficulty talking or sharing, she is comfortable just sitting in silence for a bit or she will gently encourage me to share what I am feeling right at that moment. I know you live in a rural area, but you may want to go online to the NCC - Nationally Certified Counselor(it may be NCT for Nationally Certified Therapist).

 

[Ladyghosthunter]

I think it's time to add my two cents worth into this conversation and my perspective on this issue.

I stopped seeing my therapist for several reasons; one was that I felt that I was being blamed because my PTSD was constantly triggered when having issues speaking (which is one of the problems I have when talking about my problems). When talking about my issues, I can't really talk well without either stuttering or I ramble on or something which IS part and parcel to my PTSD.

Second, the reason why I stopped seeing her was that I was to blame for not fixing myself and why I can't fix myself.

I guess, in admitting here in front of everyone including my friends on here, is that I can't take back what happened. No one can take back what happened to me and I can't erase from my mind what happened. My mind is so fixated on what has happened to me that I cannot fix what is permanently broken inside of me. You can't also fix the people who did the damage to me because they are too sick or narcissistic to see the permanence of my brokenness, no one can. I went to cognitive therapy twice and said, "No. I can't think like that because I can't." Someone said, "No you won't fix it." I come back and say, "No, I can't undo what has been done. I can't erase the damage done because it is a part of me."

Therapists do not understand that what has happened to us is a part of us and it won't go away. Seeing my friends being shot and killed on TV won't ever leave my head, remembering my biological father dropping my brother and me off at an orphanage....you can't take those memories away unless you have amnesia. As much as therapists have tried to help me, unless they've been through what I have, they can't or won't understand what I've been through. I know what I've seen, what I've felt, what I've experienced, they haven't nor will they ever.
That is my opinion.

 

[StarChild]

Therapists do not understand that what has happened to us is a part of us and it won't go away.

Well, @Ladyghosthunter, I disagree with you on this; Because it isn't helpful for you or your healing to just lump all therapists together. It is neither helpful nor is it fair to do this. For it simply depends on the therapist. On their knowledge of trauma and PTSD, and also on their ability to implement their knowledge on every single and particular patient they work with. I admit, (from my personal experience) that there are more incompetent therapists than really helpful ones. And believe me when I say, I've had my share of real a**holes, who did much more harm than good. - But the good ones do exist! It sometimes takes a lot of perseverance to find them. And of course, the patient has to be really willing to get better and to do the hard work together with their therapist.

As much as therapists have tried to help me, unless they've been through what I have, they can't or won't understand what I've been through. I know what I've seen, what I've felt, what I've experienced, they haven't nor will they ever.

I went to cognitive therapy twice and said, "No. I can't think like that because I can't."

I can relate to your statement to a certain degree. But why should they have been through the same thing as you went through, to understand and help you? Has every cancer specialist to have every kind of cancer to help his clients? I would say no. Has every orthopaedic surgeon the duty to break each and every bone, before they're able to perform the appropriate surgery? I really don't think so...

You know, @Ladyghosthunter, what you wrote, sounds more than familiar to me; My mother used to say / repeat the exact same statements as you expressed, her whole life, over and over. Because for her, all psychiatrists and therapists were incompetent idiots, who didn't understand "what she's been through". But many, many years later, she had to admit, that she never ever was willing to give any of them a real chance. Forget alone to work on herself. From her stubborn point of view, it was always the others responsibility, and of course never my mothers! And what was the outcome? She never got better or healthier, by holding on to her inner resistance. In my mothers case, all her statements were just a justification and excuses to not really have to deal with her unhealthy, egocentric thinking style as well as her very dark sides = her horrible cruelty. - Yes, sometimes it's very easy, even comfortable to blame others, instead of taking on responsibility for oneself. I'm absolutely not saying, you're like my mother, but from my experience and my personal opinion, and from what I've already read in your other posts, you're making very similar statements as well, as you show very similar attitudes when it comes to therapists and "help"...

I went to cognitive therapy twice and said, "No. I can't think like that because I can't."

May I ask you, do you often give in that quick? For absolutely no therapist, not even the best in the world can "help" you. Unless you seriously want to be helped what further implies, that you also seriously have to want to work on those painful issues, which burden you, and which you're obviously still carrying around with you... Just my 02 cents...

 

[shimmerz]

I have a bit of a different take on this 'not talking' thing. I am a talker (as some of you may have noticed). I do not silence easily. I do however have a part of me that was affected by pre-verbal trauma. During the times that I am triggered into this part of me I cannot speak. I suffer from mutism. I have been kicked out of one doctors office as one of my caregivers tried to explain that I simply cannot speak. She was SO angry with me and kept insisting that I speak. I cannot. Thank god he was with me.

My supporters know that when they speak to me and I do not respond, that I am in trouble and work on getting me 'back' again. This is something that we have determined as a failsafe for me. I always respond is the deal and if I don't then I am in trouble.

The caregiver I mentioned above, as well has a problem with any type of talk therapy. He was silenced into shame as a child by his father. His belief system is that nothing he has to say is worthwhile. CBT or any type of talk therapy does not work for him but it is NOT that he does not want the help. He simply cannot believe that his feelings or thoughts will be validated.

I get that not talking to a therapist seems counter productive, but I wonder if perhaps a therapist who encounters such a person look at why that person cannot speak rather than attacking them for not speaking. Trauma does affect the feelings of having the right to speak, the ability to speak (depending on the timeline of trauma and many other things. I don't know what the answer is here for those who cannot speak but I don't feel that it is always about defiance or an unwillingness to help oneself.

@Ladyghosthunter I don't believe that these things will not go away. I wish for you the faith in that as well one day. With work it can and will go away imho. I am just wondering if something happened to you that stopped you from speaking? Perhaps your belief that nothing will help is stopping you from seeking the help that you need.

 

[Ladyghosthunter]

SweetLullaby, because of my seeing and empathic abilities, all therapies put me in such a bind that I do the reading of everyone I come in contact with and it's hard to control at times. It's not that I don't WANT the help, my gosh, I need it!! No I don't think all therapists are idiots or that kind of mess but I need a therapist that can see THROUGH my seeing and empathic abilities to get to the root of what has happened, which I can't find.

My trauma, that I wrote down in a book was so hard for my one therapist that she ran out crying and I didn't know what to say. She apparently didn't like what the truth was and it was too much for her because what happened in my life happened so I stopped going to her.

With one therapist, she smart mouthed me with her psychobabble and I said, "Are you a psychic or an empathy like me? I'm just another client for you to make money off of." God, this p*ssed off my ex so bad because, not only I can be hard headed, but my mouth can engage the truth and to be honest, she was nothing short of someone who had no business being IN the business of helping people. If you just sit there and not engage someone about the issues they are facing, they aren't worth my time and my thoughts.

I give up because I read people; dealing with a seer and empath is difficult for therapists to know unless I tell him which is something a lot of people don't believe because of their beliefs. I've had to learn to turn off my feelings when facing danger and very skeptical of peoples' intentions except for those I feel "safe" with. The people who hurt me will never say "I'm sorry" or "Forgive me" as they will live a hypocritical life of hurting others, including my niece who I will never see again.

I am a contradiction within myself. I care and nurture and love people yet when it comes to people hurting, I turn off my feelings and verbally be nasty to those who hurt others. I call myself a pit viper because a viper can hide in its surrounding and strike when threatened or when people bother its space.

I hope you understand. I also had therapist abuse too but that is another story I wish not to share right now. When I am able to, I will.

 

[shimmerz]

@Ladyghosthunter, it seems as if your viper is coming out on my friend @SweetLullaby. I see now that my posting is not applicable to your situation. You are well able to speak.

An empath listens. They also tend to feel others pain and I don't see that in you in this posting. If you notice @SweetLullaby and her postings she is a well respected, beautiful, kind empath for many of us here. Please be kind.

A well trained seer has the ability to turn off their seeing powers when appropriate and sees for the higher good. What you are expressing here is not seeing for the higher good. It seems to be shaded by a person who is defending her right to lash out. Until that stops you may have a very difficult time enlisting the help that you need. You may, as you say, want the help, but it feels like first and foremost you need to defend. That isn't going to work.

I wish you all the best and hope that you take time for your empath to connect in a way that will lead you to a more accepting place. We are, after all, only human.

 

[jesse]

I look back at this experience with this therapist and after reading these posts can say that this thread was the best thing to come out of it. This therapist was a jerk and I learned to trust my instincts more. I was never seeking sympathy was just trying to figure out my feelings at a low time in my life. I realize now there are good and bad with every profession including T's and if it does not feel right move on. Hugs everyone and thank you for your support!