I Think I Have PTSD

[catering carol]

Hi everyone, It was wierd that I was watching a thing on PBS last night about the soldiers that have returned from Iraq and they got into PTSD. I never even considered that I may be suffering from it. My ex-husband committed suicide 15 months ago. It was a very violent scene and I was one of the people to find him. I have always had issues with depression, am 3 1/2 years sober from drugs/alcohol and have always had issues with food...like binge eating mostly and I exercise alot, but that also helps my depression. Anyways, I had been doing quite well until 15 months ago. I mean I am not the picture of joy and happiness, but I was doing well. After this suicide I have just been trying so hard to be oky, but I really have been out of control with my eating. I know I abuse food since I no longer use drugs and alcohol. I have really isolated myself from people and feel so much like nothing matters and what is the use. I feel numb and disconnected all of the time. I am really scared. People say that I should be over his death by now and in a way I think I am able to cope with the fact that he is gone (kind of), but I can't quite get over how he did it and that I saw it. My hair started falling out at that time and isn't as bad now, but it changed me in a very real way. I feel like I aged many years and just feel like I have no goals or hope or dreams now. I am engaged to a wonderful man who is very supportive of me. We have a successful catering business that is really just thriving even in this economy. I do the decor and stuff. I have a lot of flexibility in my schedule. I used to be a nurse, which I now know was bad for me, as I witnessed alot of really horriffic stuff as a nurse as well...that is when I began using drugs and alcohol. I hope this makes sense to you all. I feel excited to maybe know why I have been feeling so badly. I have just been berating myself for eating too much and not being motivated in my life, but maybe I need to be a little more gentle. I saw this soldier on the show last night that literally saw one mangled body and that was it, he started to develop the signs/symptoms of PTSD. I then understood that maybe I could have it as well from seeing what I saw that day. I just wanted to say hi and maybe see what this site is about. I hope it is an okay day for anyone who is reading my story, thanks, Carol.

 

[dust]

Hi Carol,

welcome to the forum, I hope you find what you need here.

I am sorry to hear about your loss, it sounds like you would benefit from seeing a therapist about what happened - they would be able to give you a diagnosis. They would be able to help you with your symptoms.

Working through PTSD is tough and complex - it is sometimes difficult to know when to be tough on ourselves and when to cut some slack. When things are really difficult I think it is just about managing the moment, and when things get better we learn to manage ourselves in relation to others.

Best wishes,

dust

 

[2quilt]

Welcom here, Carol. You have come to the right place to get help with healing. There is no stopwatch on you to heal from this. From what I hear, we don't heal (get cured) from PTSD, we just learn to manage it better.

 

[cherryblossom]

Hi Carol, welcome to the forum.

I am sorry to hear about your loss. Not only are you grieving for your husband, but you have to come to terms with the violent scene that you witnessed.

No one here can tell you whether you have PTSD or not, but a psychiatric doctor will be able to give you a diagnosis, and from there you can work on therapies that will help you to deal with everything that is going on. I'm sure you will benefit from a professional opinion.

Whether you have an official diagnosis of PTSD or not, I'm sure you will find some good information here and strategies that might help you cope.

Regards, CB

 

[krispy]

Hi Carol, I'm glad you came here! Please try to avoid talking with people who say things like "you should be over it by now". I know I'll never completely forget the things that happened to me personally, but over time the bad images and memories are losing their power to disrupt my life. When I catch myself re-living a bad memory while I'm working, and it's taking my focus off my job, I force my brain to shift gears and start making a list of all the things I'm grateful for. It helps!

 

[DrDanger1979]

Working through PTSD is tough and complex - it is sometimes difficult to know when to be tough on ourselves and when to cut some slack.

.

Dust - Your statement "it is sometimes difficult to know when to be tough on ourselves and when to cut some slack" really struck a chord in me. How does one know? Sometimes I feel like a big baby, and to just pick myself up by the bootstraps like I always have done, and then other times it's difficult to literally get up.
Thank you for your insight.

 

[heather q]

I have really isolated myself from people and feel so much like nothing matters and what is the use. I feel numb and disconnected all of the time. I am really scared. People say...

Carol
I have been told that I should be over it by now, all that does for me is to reinforce the original trauma each time, I try not to hear it any more, I've alienated myself for years and was feeling numb, disconnected and scared all the time, I started 'good' therapy about a year ago and have very recently managed to feel better, it's been a struggle but all in all I have gained some insight and that is helping to make the pain diminish.

I was a nurse and I know that experience was not good for me, it depleted me.

I just wanted to let you know to go easy on yourself, it takes a lot of energy, time and effort to makes a difference, it is worth it give yourself a chance you deserve it.
Heather

 

[NekoGirl]

Hi Carol, I'm new, too. Even though you're struggling with your eating, it takes a lot to be clean. I'm really sorry people are being that insensitive to you, that's just ignorance. At least now you're trying to reach out and heal.
-Neko