Sexual Assault I think i was raped

[Moose07]

Hey there
I'm not sure if I can talk or write about it yet but I'll try. I have to, since I can't talk to anybody else about this...

Last Tuesday, my uncle (he's 50 years old and I'm 22 by the way) and aunt invited me for having lunch at their place because my cousin said that it'd be nice if we could see each other again anytime soon. That's why I accepted even though I know exactly how my uncle is. When he came to pick me up, he was way too early. I did not expect him to be that early, that's why I opened the door (I thought it might be the mailman or my sister). That wasn't the case apparently, so he followed me upstairs and I mumbled that I need to pick up my phone.

I tried to grab it as quickly as possible but when I turned around with the phone in my hand, I wasn't surprised to see that he had followed me to my bedroom. Long story short: he dragged me to my bed, pinned me down with his arms around my chest, touched me all over my body (especially my private parts) and then he penetrated me with his finger. I tried to shove him off me and told him "no" and "stop" but he ignored that. When he was done with that, he jerked himself off and watched me.

He even asked me if he could grab my breasts while he was rubbing himself. Of course I denied him that. Everything that happened after this is kind of a blur. I remember having lunch at their place, and playing some board games with them and then they gave me a lift back home.

My cousin and aunt came with us this time. My uncle had told me before that my cousin also wanted to accompany him in the morning but since he left quite early, she was still sleeping when he drove off. My cousin and aunt told me that they'd love a day like this again because playing board games with me has been so much fun. They proposed next week and said that I could take my sister with me if I want (which is a good thing, because he doesn't touch me when anybody else is around).

My cousin was so thrilled about that idea so I agreed. I love my cousin and my aunt. I don't wanna lose contact with them because of him. Thus this seems to become a more regular thing...You might think that I could just tell them that I'm sick the next time, but this isn't gonna work forever. Therefore I'll just try to avoid him as much as possible.

I can't press charges against him either because I don't wanna hurt them. They need him. I feel so much guilt because I couldn't fight him off (he isn't even taller but so much stronger than me) and because I agreed. I can't help but to feel "raped" somehow. He entered my body with only his finger but it hurt and he did not stop when I told him so. Is it normal to feel that way?
Thanks for taking the time to read my "story"..

 

[Swift]

Yeah, that's definitely rape. I'm sorry.
Are you sure he isn't doing this to your cousin, your aunt or your sister? Or other women?

If you don't want to report to law enforcement, that's your gig and I respect that... but I'd be seriously concerned that you're not the only person he's doing it to.

The other option, is a cease and desist written in legalese that may protect you from him doing it again. Because I'm fairly sure he'll try.

The other thing to do ASAP is get yourself some medical help and some counselling..PTSD can be prevented or mitigated, but only with treatment.

 

[blackemerald1]

Hi @Moose07 - Not sure what country you are in but where I come from this is rape because the offence of rape is complete even if using some other part of the body or an object.

Whatever it is called.... it is at the least assault or sexual assault. But since you are not wanting to take the matter to the authorities it doesn't matter what it is legally known as really. But you still need some help with this.

I agree with @Swift - get yourself some support. And...I too would be concerned that he may be doing this to another woman.

 

[grit]

I am really sorry this happened to you Moose07. It is rape in every where in the world but whether it is enforceable legally that will depend in where you live. Anyone touching anyone sexually without consent is inherently a violation of human integrity, autonomy and every single natural boundary. This man raped you! legal issue aside. It was rape.
I am truly sorry you have experienced this.

I hope you find a supportive person you can talk to. The guilt you are feeling is natural reaction but it will become cancer in your mind if you do not find a person or a group you can trust (develop trust) and talk about it to process it and hopefully gain strength you think you were missing, even though, I also think your reaction was natural to such situation.

 

[Tinyflame]

Hi @Moose07 - Not sure what country you are in but where I come from this is rape because the offence of rape is complete even if using some other part of the body or an object.

I didn't know that. Well, I'll chock up more lousy experiences.

Yes I believe it's likely family or associations will have experienced such things, it won't be new to them.

It really bothered me too, esp anally. Am 'glad' (not glad :( ) it bothers or disturbed someone else other than just me. No wise words but hugs to you. It's not your fault. Make sure to protect yourself in their company. :hug:

 

[Nightingale]

I am really sorry that this happened to you. No woman deserve to experience such a devastating experience. It is considered rape where I live, as well.
I'm new here, I don't know what to tell you, I can only advice to to seek someone to talk to, someone that can help you in this hard process, as I was kindly adviced myself just a couple of days before.
You have all my support.

 

[blackemerald1]

Well, I'll chock up more lousy experiences.

^^ Sorry @Junebug didn't mean to upset you. But yes, it is true but I don't know about other countries. :(

 

[Tinyflame]

On no I'm sorry, it's ok, @blackemerald1 I'm sorry something got lost in the translation, it doesn't upset me, just shocks me, as I didn't consider it that relevant, in terms of sexual assault. Nor would I consider ~'pressing charges' / pursuing anything (I don't know the word?- 'telling'?) over that. I just knew it bothered me- a lot, especially the first time. So I have no doubt it would disturb someone else. :( Thank you for being so kind and tender-hearted about my feelings though. :hug:

 

[Moose07]

Thanks for your responses. They're very helpful. I'm from Switzerland and I'm sure that he wouldn't do that to anybody else because he told me so and my sister or cousin trust me...they'd definitely tell me such things.I think y'all are right, I should look for some support (counselling because I don't have any friends)...

 

[Abstract]

You are very sweetly considering them and I think you are far from alone in how you are viewing your situation. I absolutely wouldn't want to guess what the best choice is for you action wise as I am not there. I will say though that I dont think you can somehow "paint" your aunt and cousins lives into a rosy reality by pretending this isn't happening. The reality is that your aunt is married to a sexual predator and your cousins father is a sexual predator. That is outside your control or theirs. He is the cause. The cause is nothing to do with you at all and you are innocent party.

What you do need to do is protect yourself. Could you perhaps send him a letter threatening to tell them and the police if he ever touches you again. Maybe suggest meeting them somewhere else instead and never accept him coming to collect you. What other options can you think of. I would consider contacting a rape crisis centre for support and advice. Take care of yourself.

PS. I would also start logging everything that happens with him in case you ever need it.