I Think I'm Needy

[Wazetogo]

i met a woman on line and hit it off right away. The emails we sent were light and funny at first.
She began asking what I did for work and shared what her occupation was.
I explained I was in law enforcement but currently off after being diagnosed with PTSD.

She questioned what happened, where I worked and what I did at work.
I didn't answer right away and explained to her that I was very guarded about that aspect of my life.
I knew for myself it was more shame than protection. I eventually shared a little bit to her her some idea of what had gone on over many, many years. She was sympathetic and still very curious what all this meant for me and my career.
As we got to know each other more I opened up to her questions and eventually looked forward to them. It was becoming somehow therapeutic opening up to someone else other than my T.
The friendship has gotten quiet on her end and I'm left feeling very shitty and alone. When she does respond she constantly says she has just been very busy, talk soon. It's left me feeling like a TOOL for ever sharing anything. Now I get the occasional ' how are you today'?
I will usually answer but get nothing in return...
I wish I didn't feel so hurt by this....I think I've become needy and too sensitive since being off work.

Can anyone relate? Do I just need to toughen up?

 

[The Albatross]

Well, that it felt therapeutic for opening up to another person is not really gone. You had that experience with another person and did receive some benefit. Right?

You can straight up ask her if anything on her end changed so far as your relationship, or you can accept that she is really busy and will talk soon or you, or you can give her some time (not sure what's going on in her life since you didn't share anything about that... but it is the holidays)?

 

[Wazetogo]

Hi
It did for sometime, then it felt like I exposed myself and left me with all these questions.
I hear ya on the busy holiday time, you are so right.
I'm trying not to send anymore emails and give her sometime to respond.
I can't keep trying to validate our friendship by emailing her over and over.
I wish I didn't feel like I just want to slink away and crawl into a hole.

Thank for your reply Albatross

 

[watundah]

Online relationships can be odd. You only see what people want you to see and there are often a lot of blanks to fill. Example: she gives you a three word reason for short responses, "sorry, really busy." Is it true? How can you ever know?

I met my spouse online so I am not going to bash it as a way to meet people. And it is great that you trusted someone and put yourself out there. It can be easier to share when your relationship is based upon electronic exchanges; there is a layer of safety in not talking face to face. I am curious if there was ever was chance of meeting face to face? Could it be that level of personal info could wait until you meet and know someone better, in real life? Maybe she was curious but had no idea in what to say or do with the information..again, hard to know.

It's important to remind yourself that while meaningful friendships can develop online, it's also hard to get a real read on people and to know what the story is. It's also very easy to disconnect without true regard for someone else's feelings.

 

[bring em all in]

Good point watundah- I met my wife online, progressed to phone conversations and then meeting in person. We both overshared a bit at first and stepped back briefly to get our bearings. It did work out in the long run.

Wazetogo- I can relate to being guarded and uncomfortable sharing- I was in a Day Hospital at a mental facility three times over the past year and had trouble opening up each time. Even with positive group support, I'd shut down for days after sharing.

 

[Keming]

Hey. You're not needy. You're hurting and need to feel connected to people. I don't think there's a hard/fast rule on how much to disclose. Some disclose and get sympathy, compassion. Some get rejected. Some disclose in drips - results may vary.

met all my friends/relationships online because early meeting never passed risk assessment. then the shame, pretending, careful omission, probing, decisions. misunderstanding, lots of casual rejection, one acceptance. two.

"toughen up" doesn't give you enough credit. whole skillsets to relearn that others take for granted, while struggling or outright fighting whatever hell is lodged inside our skull. you're already tough.

 

[Dory]

Thank you so much for your replies...
Guess I still need that validation. There is so much crap that goes with PTSD. I know that I have too much time on my hands and feel lonely most times.. abandonment and trust certainly come into play trying to make this friendship work...
I think she is worth it