I think it's a 'date'...?

[Butterflies2023]

I am reading that you allow yourself to be set up for unfortunate situations. Inviting or opening the door to harm. I didn't read all the threads but I hope you are in therapy. Low self esteem perhaps from earlier experiences in life as a child or young adult. That takes time - to work on other areas of your life without a Significant Other present in your life at the same time.

 

[Sideways]

@ladee & @She Cat - thank you for your kind words. I'm trying to tell myself that not going to something that feels unsafe is actually progress. The programming from my csa is very clear that "I'm not allowed to say no" and I should be going out of my way to....urgh, it's too awful.

I've been doing really well lately, and it's pretty scary how something as simple as this can bring everything back up, and it's a bit scary how powerful it still is.

 

[Sideways]

@SherlocktoWatson - definitely am in therapy! And gonna have to work through this with my T when I see them. Inviting harm - that's pretty much it!