I Think I've Had A Light Bulb Moment

[Heather]

So, if I look at it by what you said (just me here) over the past 3 years I have made more progress that I've given myself credit for. A lot more!
1. I have my own place (which is HUGE)
2. I live my life the way I want (also HUGE)
3. I am a great mom
4. learning how to be a better friend
5. tolerating my mom (thank god for topamax!)
6. better relationshp with my daughter's father (again topamax)

thanks again -- this has really helped me so much!

 

[cherryblossom]

Hi Heather - it's funny you write about a "light-bulb" moment, because I used exactly that phrase when I talked about my own therapy, in a different thread.

I think it is possible to manage PTSD on your own. BUT, only if you are putting all the right work into yourself to 'overcome' your fears. It is possible to your own exposure therapy, and there are many books available that will guide you through CBT, with workbooks and exercises etc. So I believe it is possible. However a therapist could guide you there much quicker. And also, if the self-work isn't being done then PTSD is not being managed simply brushed aside, and denied. It will come back, the symptoms will return, and the downward spiral will happen again. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt.

But, and this is the big but - she has to be prepared to put the work in. For this she has to accept there is a problem, and understand that the work that needs to be done is not pleasant - far from it. We have to dig up all the things that hurt us to think about. All those horrible memories, that we push aside and try to bury have to be brought to the surface and looked at. We have to process these memories. Accept the past, remove all negative emotion from the memories, and file them away properly. All of this is best done, when guided by an expert trauma therapist. Again, a big BUT, becasue she has to be ready for it. For success, one has to embrace therapy 100%, ride out the storms as they occur and keep pushing to resolve issues.

I've gone through the motions of therapy in the past, thinking that I was ready, but then stopped when the going got tough. And blaming everything possible for the failure of the therapy, when in fact it was me, and my fault because I didn't give 100% in therapy, and I didn't understand the process involved. This time I know I'm 'ready'. I'm prepared and willing to accept what I have to face in order to get 'better'. I suddenly had a 'light bulb' moment when I finally understood everything that I'd read about. I understand the meaning of "working on your Trauma", and "things will get worse before they get better", and the meaning of "support system". It is truely an individual journey. People can guide sufferers in the way forward, but until they are 100% ready, and 100% committed to the process, therapy is a waste of time.

It sounds to me like your g/f is not yet ready to face her demons. And no-one can force her to be 'ready'. You can try to guide her on the right path, by offering suggestions, but in the end she has to work it out for herself. All you can do is support her the best that you can, and pick up the pieces if necessary.

 

[cherryblossom]

Just to add the thread that I wrote that in, if you are interested.
[DLMURL]http://www.ptsdforum.org/c/threads/is-it-possible-to-manage-ptsd-with-no-help.14756/#post-184985[/DLMURL]

 

[intothelight]

I am stuck using my phone today. Just wanted to add that we need to know where we are at to know where we are going. Just a thought.

 

[Heather]

Even with this light bulb moment...i still don't know if I'm 100% ready or 100% commited. I guess there is still a lot of work to be done.

 

[patrick]

Heather,

I don't know if anything is ever 100% I think deciding to do something about recovering, even if it's only 65% is a step in the right direction. As much as I hate to admit it, there will always be a lot of work to be done for us special people with PTSD. Sometimes just getting through a day is spiritual progress enough. Any effort, no matter how insignificant it seems to us at the time, is a huge step in the right direction.

I think your prognosis for recovery is excellent.

Pat

 

[Heather]

When my therapist asks me what healing looks like or what do I envision my future to be? It's hard not to give him a flip answer. i'll say: I want to live in a big castle with a pink pony. It reminds of that movie Good Will Hunting where he asks him what he wants to do with his life and he says he wants to be a shepard and move to a farm and get some sheep...... It's because I have not one god damn F**cking clue!!! It's hard to carve out something when all you see is a big fat blank. VERY FRUSTRATING. I know what I DON'T want. Finding out what I DO want that's a lot tougher. Maybe a passion for something that would be nice. I'm guessing since I really don't have an interest in anything that that's lingering depression that the meds. haven't been able to treat.

I've read on here that other people have been on mood stabilizers and it had all but squashed any feelings that they have had. I have SUFFERED for years with my mood going up and down so believe me when I say I can do without crazy....no crazy is nice. very nice. The topomax all 400mg. allows me to function like a normal human being and it's nice feeling - i don't ever want to go back to what it was like before. because that was not fun at all.

So, how do I envision a future ?

 

[Heather]

"Don't beat yourself up when you wake up a week, a month, 2 days from now and feel as bad as you ever have..

Well, that moment has certainly arrived with all the subtleness of a 10,000 lb. elephant. The tears won't stop. My sleep is in the toilet. My body aches and I just feel like plain old "crap". I don't want to do anything.