I Think This Was A Panic Attack

[EvenStrongerNow]

I woke up fine even though I had a nightmare last night.

Hubby and I went to Ikea to get a new mattress. Everything was fine.

When we got through the kitchen section to go pick up the mattress, I started feeling overwhelmed when hubbs was trying to put things into the cart that we didn't need. I said to him, "I'm feeling like I need to get out of here. I feel a tiny bit overwhelmed and I think I need to go before it gets bad."

He said okay so we purchased our items and went to the delivery section to have the mattress delivered tomorrow to our house. While standing there, the cashiers were cracking me up. They were just being really funny and I joined in to ground myself. We all got a chuckle. It was a good time and we left.

We walked across the street to grab lunch. We are sitting in the restaurant at the table. Everything is fine. The waiter comes up and he asks what we want to drink. I order an iced tea. Still, everything is fine.

Hubby is saying something, people are talking at the table next to us. I look at the painting on the wall and bam! I'm feeling nauseous and I'm suddenly in a tunnel. I start feeling really small and just blown out in my head, lightheaded, etc. We are eating our food and I ask hubbs to get to go boxes because I need to leave.

We leave from the parking garage. I'm driving again so I'm fine again I think. Hubbs says we need to stop at the grocery store, the bank, and Target before we go home. I'm feeling weird on the way to the grocery store, but I still don't want to protest that we go home right this second. I thought I could push through it.

We go to the store, feeling still sort of okay. We leave and hubbs decides to drive to give me a break. We get to the boulevard where there are a lot of lights, people out, traffic and sirens. Bam! I'm nauseous again but this time I go all the way into numb. I'm in a tunnel and I can't see or hear anything going on around me. I'm just not there at all. I feel numb in my brain, like a fog.

He pulls into the bank, I am just staring. I'm not there at all. I'm just staring and feeling all the way numb.

When I read about panic attacks, it sounds like what I experienced, but I don't know.

I don't know what triggered me. I don't know if it was a smell, something I was thinking, a tone of voice, the waiter or what at the restaurant, but something switched in my brain in the restaurant for sure. I felt nauseous and my body heated up and felt trembly. I just went somewhere in my head. Before leaving, I suddenly noticed everything in the restaurant around me. Everything was on full blast.

I am sitting at home now on the couch, comfy with covers, hubbs next to me. I just feel blown and numb. I hear the tv on, I hear hubs snoring next to me. I know where I am, but everything seems so distant to me. I don't feel afraid because I know it's going to end at some point. I felt fear initially, but I think somehow, I stopped feeling fear when the numbness came upon me. I feel that somehow this numbness is protecting me from something.

My mind is completely blank. Every thought that it tries to have gets pushed out. I know I am typing this, but it seems like auto pilot. I feel incredibly nauseous.

 

[EvenStrongerNow]

It could have been the waiter. I don't know. I feel like it had something to do with the restaurant.

Was this a flashback? Can flashbacks turn into anxiety attacks?

 

[arfie]

By my current understanding, what I call a panic attack hits suddenly. Like a dog springing from the bushes. I might get numb later on, but what I think of as a panic attack hits like a shot of adrenaline with full survival instincts on high. I may not understand the why of it, but the triggers are usually pretty obvious because of the sudden intensity.

When it sneaks up slowly -like what you seem to be describing- I think of it as dissociation. I grow more and more detached, a little at a time, until I have the response capabilities of a slug. I almost never know what triggers these bouts until much further down the road.

So I think today. I am not very confident that I am using these labels correctly. I wonder, too.

 

[EvenStrongerNow]

I felt frozen at the restaurant, not cold, but frozen. Like, I was being transported, a time warp, somewhere and that part was scary. There was something at the restaurant that triggered it. I remember when it happened, I started scanning the environment looking at people's faces to see if there was a trigger somewhere. I looked at my food, tried to notice the smells and then that's when I realized the whole inside of the restaurant and it made everything worse.

I don't think I noticed the inside of the restaurant when we came in or something. Urrrgh.

 

[EvenStrongerNow]

In the car when we got to the boulevard, I know sirens are a trigger for me. I heard some, but the lights and all the people. That's about when I went completely numb and felt like my body wouldn't move. I was just staring. Just staring. I couldn't do anything else. I heard my mind saying move, but I couldn't.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

It doesn't sound like a panic attack to me. On a scale of 1 to 10, a panic attack is a 10. I don't see that level of panic & anxiety in what you describe. It sounds more along the lines of being triggered and dissociating.

 

[EvenStrongerNow]

The numbness is wearing off now. There was a war going on in my head. I think this was a flashback. I think I was triggered at the restaurant. I was just eating and something felt familiar. I just stopped eating. And my brain zeroed in on something just like when I have flashbacks at home when I see images.

I just realized there was a war in my head.

I'm crying now. I feel like such a freak :( :( :(

 

[EvenStrongerNow]

It feels so good to be back. I feel raw and fragile. That was scary.

I think over the last few weeks I am making a lot of progress in understanding how PTSD affects me. I think this allows me to pay more attention to the symptoms that a flashback is coming on. I think nausea is a big one for me. It seems to be a common denominator along with that familiar feeling and the tunnel.

At the restaurant, something didn't feel quite right, but it seemed familiar and I just couldn't put my finger on it. I felt like time stopped and I warped. It was almost like a moving picture in my brain. Like someone snapped their fingers and my surroundings got replaced with something else.

I'm going to make a list of it and read it until I memorize it.

 

[EvenStrongerNow]

I have never felt so good to cry. It felt so good to feeeeel the tears rolling down my face and to feel so present. I woke my hubby up and explained to him what happened. Man....

 

[EvenStrongerNow]

Thanks @arfie and @Solara for replying to my posts. I feel much better now. Thanks very much. :hug::hug:

 

[Deleted member 1860]

You're not a freak! This stuff is hard to figure out. Dissociation is a scary symptom, especially when you first start experiencing it.

 

[Meadowsweet]

What you describe sounds like dissociation (derealization). It is frightening.

I found that I was more likely to experience this when I was trying to 'push through' and get on with everyday stuff, when nightmares or instrusive thoughts were in the background.